The two opponents face off. When this is done, we’ll have gotten to know each other better. I have to learn how to settle her, she has to get used to my voice, I think.
Except…….. Why does she look mildly disturbed when I start singing?
It can’t be. Surely not. But the whole time she was in my tummy I didn’t sing – not to Rockstar, not to her. “Erm… erm, <wow I feel silly> Mercury is the closest planet to the Sun. However it isn’t the hottest, because heat quickly escapes from its thin atmosphere, resulting in night time temperatures of -167 degrees Celsius. In fact it’s Venus, second closest planet to the Sun, that is the hottest planet in the solar system. Its surface temperature sizzles at some 467 degrees Celsius because of a thick, poisonous atmosphere that traps the Sun’s heat….”
Baby Rockstar closes her eyes contentedly as she feeds.
You’ve GOT to be freaking kidding me. What kind of giant nerds am I raising in this household, I’ve read inane facts about the solar system so often my young baby likes that more than singing?! (Ay I don’t totally suck at singing ok…!)
Come to think of it I don’t think I sang very much at all, when I was pregnant. My singing voice must be completely unfamiliar to her. My scolding voice, on the other hand……
Hello Mummy. No Wait You Aren’t Mummy. Mummy’s Usually Yelling. Or Droning On About Planet And Dinosaur Crap. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MUMMEEEEE?
O-kay, at least let me try to keep it conversational. (As opposed to me yelling at Rockstar to Eat. Your…… Dinner!)
“The appropriate response is ‘No thank you, Mummy, I’ve had quite enough.'”
“You have to explain that in a carefully worded email.”
“You don’t have to shout, Mummy is not in Kowloon.”
Seriously though Ms Rockstar mostly cries because of gas – she can projectile-vomit several feet. It never fails to amuse Rockstar. “WOW! It landed there. Lemme show Daddy!” But also “Stay away from my books, Mummy,” when I’m carrying the baby.
“STOP STAMPING YOUR CROCS WHEN THE BABY’S SLEEPING!!!”
Ms Rockstar has Yup. There’s Mummy <relaxed and satisfied> Look.
Yeah fine so my baby gets lulled to sleep by my barking at Rockstar. Whatever.