Handling day AND night shift on my own was a new milestone. On good nights, I actually found myself enjoying lying in the dark, Ms Rockstar’s crib next to my little Ikea sofa bed, The Mens snoring in the other room. At least on nights when she isn’t gabbling at full volume to herself, or crying in her sleep through the night. (But once or twice a night is common). On really bad nights, thankfully not very often, Ms Rockstar and I are adversaries, the one determined to sleep, the other determined not to.
Ms Rockstar is not as hard to handle as her brother was at night – IF she is in her room. Move her, even if it’s to our room, and she is worse than the original. My whole vision of a couple hours just her and me at the nearby cafe is a pile of smoldering ruins. She won’t sleep more than a half hour, and then when she is over tired it is ALL YOUR FAULT for bringing her out when she would rather nap contentedly, gabble to herself or chew her fingers in her room.
Did you ask me first Mummy, whether I enjoy cafes?
There is a Man Making Grinding Noises On A Machine Just Because It Annoys Me.
If she wakes mid-nap you can walk in, hit a button on her mobile, and she will gabble her way back to sleep – in HER ROOM.
If you want an early night, you can just feed her and put her down wide awake – in HER ROOM.
After a night feed if you realize she needs to change her diaper you can take her out to your favorite diaper changing place (yes, I have one, and this is a problem because…?) and fumble about with the light switches……
And Then There Was Light!
No, Not Really.
What is Mummy doing???
Me: Going batshit crazy trying not to wake you and hitting all the wrong light switches. They should come with flashing neon signs.
Ms Rockstar: Move over, Madonna, traveling with your own pillows is so Last Generation’s Rockstar. I shall be traveling on planes, trains and automobiles with my own room, thank you very much. Or my staff (a.k.a. parents) can just never leave the housing development for a coffee.
Oh, and if they try I shall win the issues debate by screaming my lungs out in transit so all the other passengers shall hate my parents for begetting me and themselves for not walking. Or swimming. We must all do our part for the environment, after all. Rockstars For Fewer Emissions should be on a onesie, preferably in a not-too-sweet pink.
Me: <To The Mens> Roll out the Secret Weapon.
(That would be Kings with his strange robotic Rhythm That Always Makes Babies Sleep.)
And it’s a KO!
Secret Weapon however says it takes soooo long and he can’t do anything else and she still doesn’t stay asleep more than a half hour. Which, sadly, is true.