Me: So why did you go nuts, was it because you were tired or because you realized I would move on your 10 (IXL math) questions, and so you decided to push your luck?

Rockstar: <grins sheepishly> Because you would move… No wait, I was tired too. Half – half. 

Me: But you were not really tired enough to go nuts?

Rockstar: No… Maybe only a bit. Hee. 

Me: You’re not worried telling me that will get you in more trouble next time?

Rockstar: Umm…… 

Me: No it won’t. Because you get points for honesty <Rockstar nods>. At least I’ll find some other way to reward the honesty. So how come after going to bed you decided to take another shot at it?

Rockstar: I decided I wanted Youtube before sleeping after all. Hee. 

Elementary, my dear Watson. (Or, Yummy Apple Pinwheel)

ps: Part of me can’t wait til she can start participating in conversations for real – what hijinks waiting to happen, she’s already gabbling her way into our conversations like we’re supposed to understand everything she’s saying…

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If you listen hard enough you will hear the sound of a thousand bovine voices faintly breaking out in song. That shadow passing overhead belongs to a porker.

Has everyone finished revising their opinions so they can call me Insane, Over-competitive Mum? Done?

Now, the reason Rockstar does the vast majority of anything he might possibly find “hard work” the moment he is awake is because when he wakes, he is often desperate to do anything, ANYTHING, other than be asleep. Clean my room? Done! Finish up a couple modules of more-difficult math? Sure! If I Get To Do Them Right Now Instead Of Go Back To Sleep. (And btw it’s all his school online math, nothing else..) I thought it would be less painful than interrupting a Mario Bros Youtube-fest to make him do math <snort>

As in Ok I Guess He Does Have To Put Some Time In, Which Is The Easiest To Get Him To Do? And is it weird that my next thought is After all, for every reward is a corresponding risk you cannot simply disappear away, but you are infinitely able to change the form that risk takes, be it forex, credit, equity, commodity…….

FINE. What’s a school work equivalent? For every reward is a corresponding amount of time you have to put in in order to reap the benefits, but you are always free to change the timing to when you are most motivated/ when you least perceive it as a chore, thereby making it the most pleasant experience possible? Math when you’d rather do anything other than be asleep doesn’t feel the same as math when you think you can be Youtubing or playing with Legos.

Just til the end of this month however, the beautiful outdoor pool directly below where we live is open early morning (because some of the other pools in the development, all significantly further away anyway, are being renovated) and so when Rockstar was home for a few days I had him join the baby for her morning splash-about. This in itself wasn’t that big a mistake, I could still wrangle a promise to make it up right after the swim (and he kept to it every time) – the problem was one day I then wanted to make a Bumps to Babes run and of course Rockstar comes with, because there is a cafe nearby that serves his favorite sandwiches.

Rockstars In Da Outdoor Pool (This one’s heated – Rockstar is in the thermal suit because he also jumps in the non-heated ones; it was very windy that day and Little Miss was the only baby/ toddler out)

Yes Rockstar looks happy. But right after this pic was taken he let go and she went splat in the unheated water which was when I moved the circus to the jacuzzi

And so for one of the only times ever, Rockstar had his regular math work hanging over his head all the way til….. almost dinner time. And in case I somehow manage to forget the pain – WE ARE SO NOT DOING THIS AGAIN. By the end of the day, Rockstar is used to zoning out with a giant dinner and (most recently) mindless video footage older kids upload of themselves playing various video games.

Somewhere at the back of my obsessive compulsive mind is the thought Rockstar will not grow up to someday have a school exam between 6-8pm. So I am very umm, accommodating of his “mindless free time” at night when he’s done with whatever he needs to do for the day. Have also convinced him that it’s a lot less frustrating to watch someone else’s game and mistakes rather than play his own games – so he has just one arcade fix of about 20 mins a week at our development clubhouse. On our previous schedule I had us arrive 20 minutes before they kick everyone out to clean the place, but that’s no longer doable with his current timing, so yes he has tried refusing to leave before (to which I tell him if I have problems leaving, next time I will just not bring him at all…)

Doing his holiday “math quota” at the end of the day is r-eee-aaaaallll-y ss-llll-oooooo-www going (ay, I have girlfriends in other catchment areas who put in a mandatory 30 minutes after school every single day to practice math and that’s when they don’t do Kumon. Me, some time back I gratefully noticed Rockstar fairly regularly has these “speed rounds” coming in to school, whereby even during the course of unpacking their school bags and settling down to a lesson the kids will have math sheets where they run through as many sums as they can in the space before the lesson proper starts; so I figured he got in good practice on schooldays, and then I just concentrate on “maintenance” on non-schooldays. Me the maintenance crew – he only does stuff when there’s no school…) At 10pm Rockstar has neither finished eating, nor has he really gotten much work done. By now he’s been dragging his feet for several hours.

Glancing at the screen I see he is on the last 10 questions to completing the module. Except I’m getting puppy dog eyes and I Can’t Do This Anymores. As a rule I hate giving up on anything, but well it’s 10pm.

“Just finish this one module (he usually does 3-5, which isn’t that much because some are really easy, like adding 0 or 1, some times he only does 1 if it’s a hard one) and you don’t have to do anymore.” Doesn’t work. Still getting kicked puppy look.

“Ok, instead of 10 more questions, how about 5 more.” Nope, still nothing.

“Sigh. One more? Just one more question?” (Just my thing, I have this idea it’s that much harder to resume if you get into the habit of quitting right when you decide it’s too tough. So I just wanted him to get beyond where he’d formed said impression of it being too tough, and he could stop directly after say, because it’s late and past his bedtime.)

Rockstar throws his head back and bawls loudly. Then he chokes on the food that has been in his mouth for like, forever, and throws up a bit.

“S-top…. IT.” Way don’t feel as confident as I sound – on one hand I’m wondering if I’m pushing too hard, on the other….. how come he only started bawling after I cut his 10 questions down to just the one question? Did he decide only after I cut the questions that he should try and push his luck?

Also, the baby is up way too late – Rockstar had been interrupting my putting her down every now and again to complain about being unable to do his schoolwork. 

While I’m trying to decide whether to cave, I bring the baby into her room (again!!) and pray for whether to cave or not (<sheepish> I kid you not ok). Outside, another howl from Rockstar, and then another retch. Yet….. I don’t get the impression he’s doing something particularly hard. He wasn’t on that hard a module, I’ve seen him do much harder ones. Maybe it’s just because he’s tired?

“If you’re really that tired, just finish eating and get to bed. But you didn’t do your work as agreed, so no Youtubes -”

“I just want…. to…. SLEEP!!” Fine. Go. Past your bedtime anyway. Just don’t open the baby room door anymore, the baby has to get to sleep too.

I finish settling the baby and walk back into the other room where Rockstar is now in bed. “<conversationally> Actually……. I still want to do that question.”

Is he freaking kidding me?? “Are you kidding me?? After that Armageddon in the living room?? (Rockstar laughs sheepishly and nods) “You sure?? I don’t want to see that again, it was horrifying!”

Rockstar: I want to do it, I do.

Me: Really? Mummy’s tired. Cannot take anymore nonsense if you decide to go nuts. At least you will not be screaming if you are asleep.

Rockstar’s already got my laptop back out. This time he manages to get the question done. And the next. And then with me sitting next to him he’s done all 10 and finished the module. I ask if he wants Youtube, and let him watch for about 20 minutes, after which he announces he’s finished the video, shuts the laptop again and is asleep almost before his head hits the pillow. By then it’s 11pm.

The next morning…

Rockstar: Mum. <like he’s announcing something important> I think next time I better finish my work early. It’s very hard to do it when I’m tired.

Me: Hah you think? My sensible, responsible child turned into a screaming, vomiting monster last night.

Rockstar: Hee Hee Hee Tell Daddy! Tell Daddy! It’s funny! 

ps: Quite happy Rockstar had not considered not putting the time in an option – only WHEN, whether early in the day or late…

pps: Note to self – I need to ask Rockstar sometime whether he decided to throw his head back and bawl because he saw me cave on the 10 questions. 

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Dis is Art.

10 years later, she still sleeps with the tip of her tongue out, even as her brows and muzzle go all snowy white.

We’re rarely in the nearby dog park, because of the bugs. Because it’s one of the few things our helper can do unsupervised, walk the dog twice a day, an hour each time. JD gets some family time outside of the park, rarely here unless Kings is traveling because I don’t want to cab it.

I’m almost sure this earns me judgmental stares from the hard-core dog lovers who recognize me with the baby stroller sans dog around the development. There are people who give up their dogs when the baby comes. And then there are people who are judgmental of how much time you spend with your own dog when the baby comes. Otherwise probably well-meaning dog lovers have said things to me in passing like “Oh, so you are finally walking your dog yourself. Well done.” Others say nothing even when I try to catch their eye as I push the stroller by, if only so I can strike up a conversation and drop that I take JD out elsewhere, just not to this park. Just not anywhere they happen to be able to see us.

This weekend, it was boiling. Should’ve thought of that when after church I still shipped all 3 kids to the nearly deserted dog park (as I said, it was boiling at mid-day). Me and the human kids ended up literally speed walking from shady tree to shady tree, just to get out of the sun a little. Had to clean poop off the stroller wheels too, because of our haste.

Well at least the dog was happy. That’s her satisfied face.

And there they all are

So this would be Buzz Off, Judgmental Dog Loving Guilt Trippers. Buzz Off, Conscience.

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Dis da van (or really, trailer)

Rockstar’s class’ turn in the Life Education Activity Program (LEAP) Van last week, it says on the site their mission is to “help prevent substance abuse, particularly drugs, including alcohol and tobacco, by providing positive health-based education programmes for young people.” You even get a picture of Andy Lau up there as their health ambassador. Rockstar’s friends are more interested in meeting “The Giraffe”. I wasn’t there for the whole thing so I’m just guessing:

DIS giraffe…

As a very, very general statement from idle chit chat around friends, ex colleagues, neighbors and people on the dog walking trail, the perception of any existence of substance abuse among ESF kids is less than at more expensive international schools. Another mum once told me she’d even seen kids smoking in their school uniform right outside one of the international schools. (And I said very general statement. Like the very general perception ESFs don’t give enough homework or push kids enough (Hah but it’s one of the many reasons Rockstar goes here.  He’ doesn’t do well with “kill and drill do-it-or-else” and we have enough homework, thank you very much. I once found an anonymous blog post from a parent at another international school who said they were considering “Homework Strike”. That was when I learnt the term…))

It hadn’t even occurred to me yet that substance abuse could be a thing til someone in our area told us he hit the roof when his 16 year old came home drunk and you really have to audit their friends because it can happen really, really fast. Like, one day they’ve never heard of the stuff and then next thing you know they’re hooked. (I assume cigarettes or alcohol. Still a bit hard for me to wrap my head around easy availability of drugs because of growing up in Malaysia and Singapore with the death sentence for drug trafficking.)

Ok anyway better start young educating them. Like, in Year 1 young. And so, the message: smoking bad. And then… another message.

Rockstar waving a wand

This a grainy picture of the dark inside of the air conditioned LEAP Van with purple felt walls, where the bubbly LEAP volunteer is going through anti-pollution and health messages – what you need to stay healthy, what smoking does to your body….

Now, one of the (many) things different from my own memories of schooling and what Rockstar’s is like now is that everyone’s hands go up. (Back in my day no one wants to say anything haha. And friends also tell me this hasn’t changed with some schools today.) Except it’s a little crowded van and the kids are so excited the LEAP lady starts keeping to repeatedly calling the more erm, actively waving hands. This does not go unnoticed by school staff present.

Rockstar is one of those kids who sits quietly with his hand up but doesn’t shout out any answers (they were asked not to, but if you are a kid and this lady is really not noticing you otherwise… and you get to stick up posters all over the van! How cool is that?) After awhile school staff would intervene to make sure more of the other kids also got picked, and then Rockstar was one of those who got to wave the wand that makes the body parts light up.

I mention because it’s something I get asked fairly often by other mums of relatively soft spoken, non-rowdy kids - it’s one of the things they get worried about particularly with larger class sizes (so there’s an answer – they are professional about not missing even the quieter ones, don’t worry ).

And stickers – always cool (he didn’t get the Kennedy star one that day, all the kids get some of those as encouragement, there are a few other special ones too, when they present good work to other teachers and school staff.. Rockstar haphazardly peels these things off his clothes and sticks all these on a designated wall – I encourage it because he fairly regularly goes through what he did to earn each sticker…)

As for Rockstar – he would later come home and say he’d been trying to tell the LEAP lady that the car emissions were carbon dioxide from the burning of petrol (had environment week sometime back – would also love an excuse to say methane is cow fart, because it’s not every day you can bring farts into schoolwork, you understand) but well, getting to wave a wand is pretty cool too.

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“I couldn’t have graduated without him”

1) Service dog and student attend graduation in matching gowns. ‘Nuff said.

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pic from bsl.com.mt

2) Move over Mr Kiasu… Mums hire disabled tour guides at Disney (because it gives them a bump to the front of the queue). Don’t scream at me please, but guess what, this isn’t happening in Hong Kong or Singapore (yes I know there is no Disneyland there but I did see a dad have his helper, two small kids, wife and himself each hold 6 items from their grocery cart so they could pass through the “Express Checkout” with 6 items or less in Holland Village years ago), these are Manhattan mums who are proud of their brainwave.

And you know what? It sounds awful, but honestly I don’t think it’s that bad an idea if you can afford it and you pay the disabled tour guides well – try queueing outside Hong Kong Disneyland rides during the China school holidays.  We might not be ones for looking for disabled guides, but we are just never going to Disney or Ocean Park during peak periods or maybe even popular kid-friendly timings, this is how much we abhor the sucking time wasting of a long queue for a kiddie ride. Even more so if the people in the queue don’t cough with their mouths closed and push a lot. And so we tell Rockstar Which Do You Want, Queueing An Hour When Everyone Else Also Is, Just To Go On A 15 Min Ride, Or Waking Early/ Arriving Really Late To Get A Couple 15 Mins Rides For The Same Hour. And Maybe Popcorn Because Your Parents Aren’t All Grouchy From Queueing.

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Good on ya Nellie (pic from Huffpost)

3) Ultimate revenge story: Elephant tramples poacher. Couldn’t look in the slide show at bottom of link for other poaching pics though. Scroll at own peril please.

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4) This from Bored Panda: 5 year old girl poses as famous women. It’s a short post, I just wanted to put this pic up because this girl is sooooo beautiful. And her facial expressions really match the photos in the link.

As Amelia Earhart

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5) Hungry Planet – What The World Eats. This one’s cool. Families and their weekly food supplies.

Like this German family – $568/week (what I’m thinking is Beer! Beer! Beer!)

And this Mexican family $189/week (Soda! Soda! Soda!)

Ours would’ve been Ella’s Kitchen fruit smoothies/ baby purees, breast milk bags (does that count?), a mountain of green leafies (5 times a week my dinners are 70% green – now you know where Rockstar got the 5 boring dinners a week from ), a bottle of red wine, almost 2 doz eggs, 2 loaves of whole grain bread and of course umpteen salmon or other fish steaks, lotsa noodles and rice, my parents’ homemade dried ikan bilis and udang…

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And Kings is away again, Rockstar’s on long, long weekend, so I’m gonna be a little swamped. Again.

Fortunately, Rockstar helps with the baby.

I mean…. At least I think that’s what that is.

(He’s keeping her from crawling off the bed to get at the dog while also satisfying a burrowing itch…)

There is just no art to this, it’s If All Else Fails Just Hang On To One Sock Til Mummy’s Ready To Take Over. While Posing For A Photo Op.

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We were supposed to fill this, but I went half the week thinking maybe Rockstar was supposed to do everything from scratch.

Only problem was, the day Rockstar comes home as designated Special Person for his class, he gives vague-ish descriptions about his friends’ presentations before him, except I never saw the school letter and nicely prepared template that we were supposed to work on. 

Maybe…. it’s part of the whole lesson that Rockstar is supposed to prepare a poster completely on his own? (Which is why I don’t email in to ask when he first comes home, because I thought he was supposed to be more independent <sheepish>)

After stewing over the weekend (it was also First Swim Lesson In School and an outing-shortened week and then Rockstar had Hamster Face), come Monday morning at the bus stop I ask another mum whose child has already had her Special Person Assembly and this is when I realize there is supposed to be a nicely prepared template and letter that comes in the presentation folder Rockstar brings home from school for putting his prepared poster in.

(Rockstar would overhear, get on the bus, go in to school and ask for said instructions, prompting a phone call to check and my sheepish explanation that uh, 4.5 days later we finally saw it. <Hangs head> Got caught being blur again.)

Frantically start rooting all around the home and finally find it……………. in Rockstar’s large paper folio of old art projects. Our helper had blindly unpacked everything and stored it away when they got back and then of course had no idea what I was looking for. Now we’re off to the races because it’s Monday afternoon and we have to finish it Wednesday morning. And of course right off the bus he will meet one of his favorite friends in the whole world and I do my best not to FREAK. OUT.

Rockstar comes in the door and I pounce on him to tell me what he wants to answer for the questions on the presentation sheet, herd him into the bath, lay out stuff for him to start decorating with when he gets out (I have two drawers full of “salvageable trash” – spare papers, old mounting boards from discarded picture frames, past craft projects etc), all with a drowsy baby attached. I emerge from settling drowsy baby to find………….

“Ninja” really freaked me out. Eventually stuck a picture of the planet Neptune over it.

O. M. G. What just looks like the most horrifying writing mistakes and crazy diagrams filled directly onto what was once a pristine template in ball point pen and permanent marker.

FREAK OUT NOW, AILEEN. Hang on, actually the Ninja Astronaut thing is funny, but – RIGHT. NOW. BEFORE YOUR HEAD EXPLODES FROM HOLDING IT IN. He wrote right on the only template we have with BIG FAT MARKER. (Should’ve practiced on the Magna Doodle first, didn’t expect him to finish cutting up everything I gave him at top speed while I was still with the baby, and then go to town on the template)

“Taekwondo” was also horribly misspelled and I couldn’t stand it and stuck a paper over it, then had him write the correct spelling C-A-R-E-F-U-L-L-Y under threat of me going bananas

(Rockstar’s description of taekwondo at assembly (thankfully) was “discipline, which is learning how to follow instructions properly”…. I hate when they just say martial arts is “fighting”.) He was also given the chance to show some moves, which he told me later was a great conversation starter with some of the other Year 1 kids, there are quite a few who are apparently doing taekwondo too…

This one I deliberately did not prompt, otherwise he would have gone on to teachers and various activities next, naming everything

<sheepish> Since I’m always keen on him making some good friends, I was kinda hoping his friends would hear it and like it, so I kept quiet after he put in Friends, and he moved on to…

Where he just went nuts. He got “astronomy” down fine, then I stopped him before he horribly misspelled “meteorology”. The stuff stuck all over the poster are cut ups we recycled from previous projects – he did that rocket at bottom when my mum visited maybe 6 months ago

They’re doing a weather module in school now; a week or two ago Rockstar got very taken after hearing something about a weather satellite launch and had some questions about gravity and satellite orbit. (Why the satellite doesn’t crash into Earth when there is gravity. And yes, he also came home asking about gravity. I think they pick up learning opportunities via all the trips, activities and day-to-day conversations, whether it’s more complicated facts, words or even some reinforcement of Math logic, for e.g. “If A is 11 and they thought I was twice that age, how old did they think I was?” – type stuff…

Then for the kids who might need to put in more work to keep up, they have extra group work; Rockstar mentioned they get split up to form different groups during the course of the day which I guess allows them to socialize and get work done in various interesting ways even between the classes…)

Anyway honestly it wasn’t easy to leave all the messiness and jagged edges on the paper cuttings, but…. that whole thing’s Rockstar. Except for a few spelling mistakes I “cheated” on by having him spell on Magna Doodle first, the arrowed diagrams, science – all him.

Strange Homework Outfit

This is “all him” too – sat and didn’t move before dinner for two sittings to rush this poster; once he was so tired from school and playing-after-school he fell asleep for 10 mins (but had I instead insisted he nix the playtime when he’d already promised to work hard on it after, he’d have given some ‘tude – I kinda had to trust he was enthusiastic about school activities to put in his best effort), the other time was right before rushing to taekwondo.

And then showtime.

Waiting his turn…

School staff gently help the little kids up on a high chair so everyone else can see them, then walk them through their presentation. Rockstar would tell me later they had checked beforehand that he could really explain astronomy and meteorology and I appreciate the care they put in to making sure he was prepared so as not to be made uncomfortable up there – ages ago, Rockstar had mentioned he’d once been asked to talk about some of the school online math homework, which I guess is because he had been logging on and putting in the time on the recommended modules at home… Asking him math in front of the whole year had made me a little anxious when I first heard about it though, in case somehow it was something he didn’t know how to answer in front of everyone. But that exercise had made Rockstar even more enthusiastic about doing the work, and continues to mostly enjoy it…

And so this is him showing his poster to the other Year 1s at assembly…

There are a lot of opportunities for the kids to receive praise and encouragement each week at the assembly, next were the announcements for Best Environment and Bag Monitors, which classes had remembered to switch off all their lights and the air conditioning throughout the week, there was even a little dog hand puppet named Buddy who had spotted a little girl being kind and helping another child on the playground. Also birthday songs for the children who were celebrating that week. All in all, the assembly really provides a lot of acknowledgement and recognition for good behavior not just of the academic kind, but also very much socially. And it’s not just by the teachers, the way they reward the kids in class challenges, their own classmates are the ones cheering them on the hardest, for winning awards for good behavior….

(Love this whole sentiment because I remember a time (donkeys’ years ago ) when I went to school and the recognition of academic excellence was to the point whereby kids sometimes got the message if they performed in school/ activities, they could treat others like they didn’t matter. I have actual egs but this post would be too long.)

And then, an interesting few phrases and facts about a foreign country – the assembly we were at, that was Russia, and Rockstar’s two Russian schoolmates come to the front to introduce a simple phrase (last week’s was French). I’d been exchanging notes with a former market girlfriend (credit structuring, no less!) who is very excited the eldest of her boys will be starting at Kennedy next term – they are from Romania and I think they’re really gonna love this one.

Some final announcements, and……. the Year 1 Spellathon!

Rockstar running through the words quickly before school one day

The Spellathon Rockstar’s year is 15 words they have to learn for a test. Children can be sponsored per word that they get right OR a set amount for participating in said test which happens after this long weekend, which is a nice way of getting some learning done in a donation drive towards more books and other learning supplies for the Year 1s. Heck, get this -

When asked at the assembly who had started getting sponsors for them to take this test, easily three-quarters of the Year 1s enthusiastically raised their hands. If you had like, your own child’s school Spellathon happening in under a week and you haven’t moved on “sponsoring” him yet then…. you are like me. So we have to cram now, you know what we are doing this weekend…!

Rockstar’s first attempt. I have girlfriends who’ve whatsapp-ed me PERFECT spell sheets before ok… So we are going to practice…!

Epilogue: When the Special Persons are done presenting their posters, they would get, to the tune of Oh, Mickey You’re So Fine a drum beat and all the kids go Oh Rockstar You’re So Fine, You’re So Fine You Really Shine Hey Rockstar <clap><clap> and I have this idiot smile on my face even before it’s my child they are singing that to because it’s so cute.

More than that, Rockstar has on and off mentioned about the music he gets in school almost from the start, and I simply hadn’t thought much of it, when really I should have because Rockstar once hated nursery rhymes and sing-alongs, to the point he used to walk to the exit and politely wait to be let out of play centers. It was my first time hearing some of the accompaniment, as the children filed out to class, and it was much better than what we get in Cantonese music class. Much more elaborate tunes, and it sounds really, really good. Even the music as the kids exit back to class – Crazy good. 

And then Rockstar would come home that day, and tell me how two of his friends requested he include some black holes in his solar system Special Person offerings, how he got lots of compliments and made friends with kids in different classes… All the stuff the Special Person activity must be meant for. Bet lotsa Special Persons get black hole requests and things, much to their delight. 

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Guest Blogger In Action

Hello everyone,

I was actually working on another post but because of the intense interest in my daily schedule (like, 2 people actually asked Mummee and one of them wasn’t even Daddee) here it is. Btw, brevity is the soul of wit, when an Older Baby decides to nix the hour(s)-long sleeps for 20 minute power catnaps throughout the day. And I don’t see why this can’t be done at night either.

Any time between 4 – 6.30am: Wakey wakey. If Mummee or Daddee are lucky, my petition to start the day will be before sunrise. Because if it’s still dark out, I can be convinced to go back to sleep and may sleep in all the way til 6.30am, I am not unreasonable. Though no black-out curtains or blinds could possibly fool me into thinking dawn isn’t here yet. If the sun is up, then so must I be. It is a chirpy, Glee! song just waiting to be written. If I had one, my cellphone would be ringing right….. now, with the rights to that song.

I don’t buy all this It’s Almost The Height Of Summer It’s Getting Lighter Much Earlier crap either. When I learn to speak, I shall ask Mummee who died and made her queen of when I wake and sleep.

If my parents are very lucky, I’ll oversleep sunrise a little, before rolling over, pulling myself up in the cot (very proud of this skill), and Ngeh-ing the occupant of the Ikea sofa bed next to my cot awake to get me the hell out of jail.

6.30am: All the normal ablutions performed by an Older Baby to make herself presentable for the new day involving, but not limited to, a fresh diaper and something to chew on while I wait for breakfast to be ready. Neither needs to be edible.

To Fling, Or Not To Fling – Guest Blogger In Pensive Feeding Chair Shot

6.45 – 7am: Breakfast. Normally an Ella’s Kitchen or other imported organic pureed selection with beef, pork or lamb in it, fortified with extra servings of veggies. My pediatrician is always on Mummee’s back to have congee and fresh purees of the kind some local working mummies told us they prepare once a week in ice cube trays for helpers to pop into congees as and when instead of the imported stuff, but a) I hate congees/ rice. Ditto breads btw, though I’ll eat a bit if Ko-ko feeds me some of his – only because I adore him, all the while I’m thinking Who Actually Likes This Crap b) no freezer space and Mummee will go insane (more than her usual amount) from keeping the helper from storing raw meat/fish near my pristine puree ice cubes c) I don’t care for an extra freezer just for breast milk and puree like what Mummee’s girlfriends like to do in case we one day need the space when I grow up and request a pony for my birthday.

I eat stuff better with extra veggies in it – there is a famous fossil named Goldie Hawn who is so ancient she should look like one of the Egyptian mummies in Ko-ko’s I Wonder Why books but in fact she still looks vaguely human and I think it’s because she has lots of greens. (As I mentioned in my accessories guest post, it is the responsibility of every Older Baby to not let herself go as she ages.)

I provide running commentary as I eat. Feel free to take notes here, I don’t mind being quoted or imitated (but I don’t appreciate constructive criticism).

Ready?

My go-to comment of choice about my meals is “PPPFFFFFTTTT.” 

When I’m not drowning you out by gabbling over whatever it is you are trying to say, or sing, there is also “PPPFFFFFTTTT.” 

Whenever I’m done eating, usually in about an hour (you try ingesting 5 huge tablespoons of rice cereal plus half a pack of beef/ pork/ lamb mix and extra veggies when your stomach is the size of a golf ball), I repair to the sofa where I pick up a few toys and wave them maniacally about for another hour. Unless I’m at the piano where I pick up a few toys and wave them maniacally about for another hour. I usually do this to a background noise of Baby Einstein, Baby TV, or various music CD gifts.

9am: Mummee would have finished expressing her breast milk/ walking Ko-ko and the dog to the bus stop and so us girls will be all ready for adventure! This means a walk to a nearby park (sadly I can’t be in the same park as the dog because the one that allows dogs also allows mosquitos), a toddle about the outdoor pool just downstairs, or a paddle in one of the two heated indoor pools a bit further away. I don’t quite understand why Ko-ko took 4 years to kind of like water, I think it’s just brilliant.

Guest Blogger Posing With Mummee (a.k.a. The Arm, in Future Action Shots)

Like so:

10.30-11.30am: This is where the fun really begins. Because this is when Mummee tries to put me down for a nap <snort>. My personal best has been making it all the way to 3pm with just one 20 minute catnap. Talk about real sense of achievement. I have then tried to repeat this  feat with varying degrees of success, and am pleased to report most days I have the upper hand (well, d-uh. How can you possibly win, arguing someone whose trumps are “NGEEEEEHHHH” and “PPPFFFFFFTTTT”? Silly Mummee. Speaking of which, I should patent my Guaranteed Argument-Winning Phrases. I have a whole repertoire of gabbles too. They are especially effective in the wee hours of the morning if you want to upset someone.)

On days when I don’t sleep, Mummee has me potter about two different dog-hair-free play areas, constructed by pushing bed against bay window. I have successfully trained Mummee to value quality over quantity time when it comes to any kind of “learning” a.k.a. reading/playing with educational toys. (See note on Argument-Winning, above.) Ready for my secret, Older Babies?

<whispers> If your mummee just drones on and on with yawn-some books or blocks, either fling everything off the bed while gabbling disarmingly, or crawl away and potter about elsewhere. The disgusting truth is, if you smile and gabble charmingly, you have a good chance of getting away with whatever else you insist on doing. There are actual world leaders who still employ this trick today.

Mummee sometimes doesn’t do an activity for days and days, waiting for when I feel like it. I think this is the most desirable result because a) there’s a lot less time and energy wasted convincing me to do something and I usually reward Mummee with some success – limited, so as not to spoil her, you understand – and b) I do the activity when I feel like it (as how everything in the world should be until I grow up to be Ko-ko’s age.) Interspersed with this is also:

1-1.30pm: Lunchtime.

4.00pm: Average time Ko-ko gets home from school, having dallied at the playground after he gets off the bus. I’m usually at the door to gabble delightedly when he gets in – because it means Mummee won’t try to make me nap again until after he’s read his school reader to me. She tried it once, boy did I set her right, she’s remembered ever since not to bother trying again til I’ve had my Ko-ko Fix. Some days he goes to “Chai-nese” or other activities, I’ll usually nap contentedly after I’ve seen him out the door. Just so I know he’s really gone and no amount of screaming my lungs out brings anyone back.

One of the games Ko-ko and I play. Ko-ko calls it Sausage Roll. I call it Find Ko-ko.

5.00pm: Short, less-than-an-hour nap, unless I’ve held out not napping all day, or else have had 3 very effective 20 minute power naps (something else I’m proud of and should patent – highly recommended for When Mummee Thinks She Should Get To Do Anything Other Than Entertain Me The Whole Day)

6.00pm: Dinner time. More maniacal waving and flinging of toys and books. On days Ko-ko is out, I can be convinced to eat pretty fast with the promise of a fun bath time with Ko-ko when he’s back. (We don’t actually bathe together, but it is a bathtub filled with water, bath oil and bubbles). This is because I discovered that if I hadn’t finished eating by the time Ko-ko was done with his bath and already in pajamas, I wouldn’t get to join him. 

Lesson learnt: You might have to give in a few battles to win the war. (You’re still taking notes, right?)

Guest Blogger In Action Eating Educational Toy

8.00pm: More reading/ playing with educational toys while Mummee keeps an eye on me as she eats her dinner all bunged in a bowl on the bed. She did this with Ko-ko too, and I can’t wait til I’m old enough to dig my hands in her bowl and explore the textures the way she used to let him do when she got home from work. I don’t see why I don’t get to do that now she doesn’t feel guilty about being away all day at work anymore.

9.00pm: Average time I’m moved into my bedroom. Notice I did not say sleep. This depends on how I feel the day has gone. Typically I require one of 2 nightly rituals, either a 20 minute cuddle along with nightly prayers, or else a second nightly prayer and put down ritual.

Throughout the night, I can be convinced to stop kicking about if/when I wake for the occasional night cuddle if someone gets really mad at me. Knowing how far to push my luck is an art form. Mummee left me to cry it out a couple times. I did. And then I threw up everything I ate and so she doesn’t do that anymore.

If you are an Older Baby therapist, please analyze this accordingly. No, scratch that – let’s send Mummee to therapy instead.

And that’s my day, Dear Readers.

Til the next time, this has been:

The Little Miss Rockstar, Planning Her Next Post

The Little Miss Rockstar (because I know stuff).

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Rockstar: Mum. All the mums  (I see in school) are a little bossy, you know. <Thoughtful pause> And the dads less so.

Me: Oh really. You don’t sound surprised.

Rockstar: <seriously> No…

Me: So you’re saying Mummy is bossy and Daddy is not.

Rockstar: <looks away> Nooo, I’m not saying that. 

Me: Oh come on, so politically correct (Rockstar laughs cautiously). It’s obvious you think Mummy is bossier than Daddy.

Rockstar: Hee. Yeah. Why is that?

And this random pic is titled…

Yes. Hamster Face Does Travolta Impersonation. Or, I Don’t Know Who’s Photobombing Whom

ps: My answer was How much do you see Daddy? When Daddy comes home from work on school nights it’s your bedtime. He’s not going to be telling you to finish your dinner or practice your school reader. The parent in charge of enforcing The Rules is the one who’s around often enough to catch you breaking them (he laughed). And it’s not always the mum though yes, there are more mums doing that than dads…

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Hamster Face

Yes it’s actually swollen to the point his left eye appears much smaller. He’s had much milder cases fairly often (to be exact, when he uses what is otherwise supposed to baby safe sunblock and then spends a day in the sun). Don’t know what gives, it’s supposed to be baby safe but he’s had a rash several times – he doesn’t get it on other parts of him where we apply it, only his cheeks (not even the forehead). AND btw his classmates have even borrowed the exact same stick and they had no problems either. Go figure.

Apparent culprit… Note it really says for sensitive skin and baby and toddler use…

So anyway doc says it isn’t serious, he just has really sensitive skin…

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I don’t care if it’s not a pretty picture. Read it, it’s a beautiful picture!

1) Buzzfeed’s 25 People Who Are Really Nailing This Parenting Thing.

Can’t decide if they’re being sarcastic. I don’t think they know either.

Because they have this.

But also dis.

(Though…. sometimes I think I know how Cake Eating Dad feels. Little Miss has been super hi-maintenance – in the day, in the night.. 20 minute catnaps. Demanding to start her day at 4am. Thrice. No scratch that, once it was 3.30am. Sometimes you just need cake.)

For real though, some of the notes and hacks in the link are super inspirational. Especially Halloween Toy Dad. They really make you work harder. What 4am day?

And this one…

This one’s just ART.

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2) Baby goat plays on pig and other animals in the news. Am I the only one who thinks it’s the pig’s job that’s hard? And the giant rat one is not for the faint-hearted – the thing is the size of a Cavalier King Charles.

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pic from sports.yahoo.com

3) Hats of the Kentucky Derby. Cool right? Those birds don’t even poop on you, what more could you want?

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4) I wondered whether to put this up and “spoil things” for all the new-ish mothers out there. Or maybe warn them. But actually I’m neither – it was just an interesting read about Mother’s Day, if a bit strong. Mother’s Day Is Not All About You, an excerpt from Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies) by Jill Smokler.

“…Of all the lies of motherhood, I think this one might be the cruelest..…..Especially in Year One… …..In the best of Hallmark worlds, ours is a day filled with brunches, bouquets of flowers, and homemade gifts. Super, but who is going to make the actual reservation for brunch? And who is going to spend the morning struggling to gets the kids dressed in clean clothes that fit?…”

Y-eah not very Glass Half Full especially when at the end (spoiler alert!) she gets exactly what she wants for Mother’s Day and then ends up missing the kids and calling them home.

5) Okok lemme lighten that up with Cat In Shark Costume Rides Vacuum Around Duckling.

No, I don’t know why. (Was I supposed to?)

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6) And this week let’s have Her Highness work harder.

This is her “Truck Driver Look” – “driving” and “smoking” long, adjustable straw)

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