Parenting has a horrible way of kicking your pride in the behind (a.k.a. the bigger your ego, the bigger your ego’s behind) when you least expect it…
Queen E: (watching Trolls) Listen to those trumpets.
Me: How d’you know those are trumpets? None of those ridiculous animals jumping about is holding a trumpet.
Queen E: Just li-sten. You can hear trumpets.
Me: <thinking: Wow those really are trumpets. I didn’t even know she could tell what trumpets sound like. (For real though, she probably picked it up in Kindy because now I remember her saying they’ve been playing music from the Trolls soundtrack in class)>
Then at Cantonese Music Class:
Queen E: This song. It’s this song again. I said I would not be doing this song.
Me: <thinking: don’tpanic don’tpanicdon’tpanicAileen there’s only 9 other super obedient little boys and girls in this class who seem to know everything and chirpily volunteer all the right answers while you struggle to translate the Cantonese for Her Highness and wait for her to work out the answer to the question from 20 minutes ago> <as calmly as I can> You refused to play it weeks ago, when you were allowed to choose what you wanted to play for your friends. This is a different lesson, this is all of us playing it together.
Queen E: We agreed I would not be playing it.
Me:This is different!! Last time, you could choose which one you didn’t want to play. This lesson you have to play it, it’s part of the class.
Queen E: <calmly> No I don’t. When (teacher) comes, I’ll say, “I’m not playing this.” <sings> I’m-not. Play-ing thissss……. <trails off>
Me: How are you going to get out of playing it when it’s your turn. <immediately regrets asking>
Queen E: Like this- <pretends to be asleep>
Me: Nobody believes you’re really asleep!
Queen E: <still with her eyes closed><slowly sinks under the keyboard>
Me: <thinking: OMG. How’m I going to dig that limp body out? And… is there room under there for me too?>
Queen E’s friend: What’s Queen E doing?
Queen E: <from halfway under the keyboard> I’m sleeping.
Me: <snaps> You are obviously not asleep.
Queen E: I’m talking in my sleep.
Me: How about playing this in your sleep.
Queen E: <pretends to be asleep>
Mercifully only half the class has to play, before they move on to something else…
Me: You can stop it now. “The coast is clear”. Sigh.
Queen E: <gamely sits back up in her seat>
Me: What would’ve happened if you had to play it?
Queen E: I’ll have to give up music.
Me: How about I give up parenting.
Queen E: You still have to take care of Ko-ko.
Queen E: Mummy I need to put a sign in front of my house. I need help to spell something?
Me: Sure darling, what do you need help spelling? Hello? Welcome?
Queen E: Can you please spell “Every-cat-get-out-of-my-house-and-don’t-come-back-in”?
Rockstar: <indignant> Is that how you’re treating your cats? I’m not giving you any more cats.
Queen E: Ok, ok, then instead, how d’you spell “I-like-gwapes”.
Me: …You now want… the sign in front of your house to read “I like grapes”.
Queen E: “…And bananas.”
Rockstar: <mollified, turns back to laptop without another word>
Me: What just happened?
Queen E: I don’t like bananas. I love bananas.
Playing a game in the car…
Queen E: I’m thinking of an animal…
Rockstar: Is it a cat?
Queen E: Yes and you’re not allowed to speak anymore.
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