Dear Rockstar,
Mummy writes this so when you grow up and are faced with career choices, you will have something to read. If you ever consider investment banking despite, or perhaps because of your father’s reservations, realize that even if you reach the pinnacle of the industry and get hired by Goldman Sachs, that cream of the banking crop, Mummy remembers staying up very late one night watching some of their top executives get skewered live on CNN. It was right before US Senators poured lighter fluid on them and set them on fire.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVfGB_jvz2s]
A long time ago, different people were burned at the stake – they were called witches. Not all the people who were burned really were witches, and they said so. But people would burn them anyway because people were looking for someone to burn.
Even in a non-election year, you will get blamed not just for the financial crisis in particular, but the failings of the world in general. Job losses in farming states. Somehow, people will find a way to make global warming your fault. Long ago, this happened to witches too. Only, back then they got burned for bad weather. Then again today, it’s almost fashionable to be a witch. Except now people call them Wiccans. Maybe Banking will go by another name by the time you are old enough to read this. Maybe one day it will all be called Barings.
As you work on “ABC”, remember that when you reach “CDO”, run. Not because these three letters are bad. Run because if you are standing anywhere near them, people will think you are bad.
The knives Jie-jie uses to prepare dinner are not bad. A knife used to rob another person is not bad (the person who used it for this purpose is). If you give a monkey a knife, well, don’t expect it to whip up breakfast in bed. The problem is, it has not been that easy to tell monkeys from men. They both wear suits and can be trained to use Bloomberg. Because of the naughty things monkeys have done, people who invest are too afraid of the monkeys to give the men a chance. This means even if you are a good man (and Mummy will be so proud if you grow to be one of the few), you will have to work extra hard to convince investors you are not a monkey. And some people will never believe you.
Sorry, darling. Mummy did not want a relevant picture for this post badly enough to give you a knife. Knives are not for little children. Or monkeys.
Mummy does not know much about lawyers, but it seems they have a future. This is because many investment bankers will need them.
Sincerely,
Mummy
