Someone whose name I Don’t Recognise: Are you there??
Me: yes
SIDR: hey sweety how are you?
Me: ok, but eating… lunch? dinner? who can tell
(<thinking> She sounds like she knows me. Is this someone I knew at work? Someone I met on the playground with Rockstar? Oh no, cannot let on I have no idea who she is, must bluff a bit til I have some clue where I met her.)
what’s up?
SIDR: I’m great thanks for chattin with me. Might have to excuse me, i’m a little hornier than usual tonight lol
I’m not too into pics .. are you? i got something even better than pics u can see the real thing on my cam… <pastes webcam invitation>
Me: (<confused, thinking> Is there another use for the word “horny” that I don’t know of?)
umm sorry, did i accept your invite by mistake please? I’m a mummy blogger, I thought this was to talk about kids!
SIDR: I dont mind showing you through that link. i dont want to get in trouble showing t*ts and p**sy to minors ya kno what I mean?
Me: (<beginning to feel fear, real fear, thinking> – there canNOT be a PG use of those words. Ohmigosh. She’s going to kill me. She’s horny and I’m totally wasting her time. She’s going to freaking kill me.)
i’m really sorry to waste your time if i made a mistake
SIDR: yes im real
Me: yeah but i’m not – i didn’t understand when accepted your invitation because it was along with a bunch of mummy invitations
i’m really sorry i wasted your time, you should just ignore me from now on
SIDR: Click <pastes webcam invitation again> it’s a more secure place with my cam u will have to verify your age, i had to do it too but dont worry its 100% FREE and its alot of fun once u get in
OHMIGOSH, OHMIGOSH, OHMIGOSH!!! She doesn’t believe I’m really stupid enough to accept a freaking webcam sex invitation by mistake! She is going to be so freaking angry I’m wasting her time! Hell hath no fury like a horny woman scorned! She’s going to freaking KILL me!!!
<all around me, imaginary voices screaming>
RUN, AILEEN, RRRUUUUNNNNNNNnnnnn…!
SIDR: are you busy??
I’m not picking up. I’m not looking up. There are hundreds of apartments on either side of the bedroom window where I’m happily eating my Maggie Mee (curry flavor forever!) and surfing Shopbop.com (20% off til midnight Monday!). SIDR COULD BE ANYONE WATCHING ME RIGHT NOW!!! She must be SO FREAKING ANGRY WITH ME!!
Omg. Omg. OM FREAKING G I SAID I WAS A MUMMY BLOGGER!
SHE KNOWS I HAVE A CHILD!!!
“GGRRROOOOooooooo….”
Kings is still ASLEEP behind me with all this going on?
HOW CAN HE SLEEP AT A TIME LIKE THIS???
I need to burn my webcam. We need to burn all webcams. We need to do away with chats, and laptops, and possibly the internet.
Oh wait my iPhone 4 arrived on our doorstep at 8.30pm 2 days ago. Ok fine, we can keep the iPhones. Oh heck, what’s the point of an iPhone with no internet. Fine, internet can stay in this world.
Oh I just got a text message. Could she have got my phone number?
“HSBC estatement now available online”
What’s the point of no chat if you have text?
Oh, alright fine, they can all stay.
But they’re all on probation. These things are EVIL.
I… have to go walk my dog now.
