Housework “Summer Camp”

Because NASA could spend millions to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity…… or we could consider using pencils in space.

Summer break is when we play catch up, spending a bit more time on a wish list of things we feel could use more attention and effort, because during school term I try to give the kids fewer activities since school is already a very big part of their day…

This break, around the “real” activities, we had lots of cleaning up to do – not just of the clutter that accumulated in part while JD was sick, but of erm, the kids’ daily habits…

That means fixing simple meals, then clearing their own dishes, scraping before putting them in the kitchen sink, tidying up after their baths, putting their dirty clothes in the laundry basket.  Think about it: except for food prep and grocery shopping, the rest are small no-brainer tasks we pay someone to live in our home and do for us. And then for all the ‘tude we might get from managing someone who already misses their own family, coming to work abroad in a demotivating job that SCMP columnists have described as “modern day slavery”, we can’t wait for the domestic helper to come back from their holiday, just to clean up our mess. What? (*more on that below)

 

There is so much energy expended on looking for helpers, vetting, training, RE-training, checking their work (always also that awkwardness when they think their way is better).. Meantime, the kids have SO much extra energy they can surely walk the extra 20 steps to the laundry basket or kitchen. Why don’t I use the energy I would’ve spent on looking for new helpers/ retraining/ constantly having to check on them/ arguing with them, on my own kids, making it so tidying up after their own baths, clearing their own plates etc is as natural as reflex. 

So let’s try this crazy idea then:

Fixing a good snack is a biggie. Like most growing children, both kids are snackholes, but just to make things more complicated for everyone concerned, there’s also the big difference in biological clocks – while one loves elaborate breakfasts/ brunches, the other starts raiding the fridge close to bedtime. Not to mention the two kids have very different tastes AND they change many of their food preferences every few weeks.

So when Kitchenaid gear came up for grabs at 360 and a couple other grocery stores and the whole of HK (fine, the HK that I know) started saving stamps for months, we too were caught up in the madness – WHEEEEEE! 

Screen shot from Carousell.com

You get 1 stamp every HKD 60 spent, or 3 times that on the weekend (so it’s really not hard to get up enough for a redemption, if you are shopping for a family over like, 6 months, like we have.) When you reach 500 stamps, you can pay a top up of HKD 2,699 for the #2 Multi-Cooker, valued at HKD 7,500, thereby saving HKD 4,801 off the list price. Or save 2000 stamps and get the M-Cooker for free. (WHO is going to take the middle option – saving 1000 stamps to pay HKD 1,799 for the cooker, ie a whole other 500 stamps for just a HKD 2,699 – 1,799 = just HKD 900 extra discount.) So I assume you’d either save 2000+ stamps and spend all your stamps on the multi-cooker (which bakes, stirs stews, grills and steams – basically it’s almost a whole kitchen on its own…) or spread them out among a few appliances, like we did.

Our built-in appliances that come with the Bel-air rental unit are pretty old by now – we just ripped out 4 out of 5 air-conditioning units because they died at the height of the last heat warning and all at about the same time because they’re inter-connected – and the kitchen gear ain’t in good shape either (this is a big caveat if you are considering moving into the Bel-Air area… it makes a big difference whether the appliances have just been updated, or if they are the no longer serviced originals because they’re over a decade old).  

It then occurred to me that while we bemoan how much time kids spend on smart phones, iPads and laptops from such a young age these days, it also means they should be able to swing high-tech cooking appliances with relative ease 🙂 Yes there’s still heat for cooking, but instead of open flames on stoves and huge ungainly woks, they can certainly put ingredients into a pot per a recipe and program the Multi-Cooker, or for that matter insert waffles, crumpets or hash browns in the Toaster. Ditto reading nutrition labels at the supermarket.

Took some practice, but mainly because we spent a few days just trying various settings and ingredients in the evenings, and then doing over any “mistakes” (not having the toaster set high enough and nothing happening for ages).

Got the #4 Toaster and #5 Multi-Chopper and some #6 or #7 accessories as well (original prices: HKD 7,500 + HKD 1,800 + HKD 1,000 + HKD 400 = HKD 10,700 list px, for which we paid a grand total of HKD 2,699.)

HKD 10,700 – 2,699 = HKD 8,001 => after getting a lot more stuff, the “net” we got is still a better value (the catch is you must actually need the stuff you’re redeeming, which we did) even after paying the HKD 2,699.

HN, for all her crazy noise levels, likes to “mother” her pets, play “house” and yes, prep food. When we got the Kitchenaid stuff, it was an added bonus that everything was in a gorgeous shiny red. She unpacked everything efficiently for us… and then set about crumbling the packing foam all over the apartment haha

This is her slicing cucumbers for her bro’s grilled tuna sandwiches because she likes using knives <cringe>, and making herself a waffle snack – she started off with various fruit compote and jams, and then switched to potato waffles with microwaved smoked salmon. No raw meat or fish. (I am germ-freaky about raw food bacteria, ever since economists Levitt & Dubner highlighted in Freakonomics the probability of a case of mad cow vs the far higher chance people got severely sick from raw food bacteria in kitchens, to illustrate how “irrational” parents were about “real” dangers to their kids. Levitt was in a grief support group for parents, after losing a 1yr old to bacterial meningitis, during which it also struck him how many child deaths there were due to drowning.)

And then I also found this:

It’s quite substantial, here’s a look inside (with HN’s post-its):

(Don’t get me wrong, I’m no serious baker/cook unlike a lot of mums I know, they must surely get more mileage out of stuff like this. Me, I’m just looking for hacks and to get the kids interested enough to help out…)

Anyway. Why bother with playing “make believe” when there are kids who like doing this stuff for real – this is HN “hoovering” dust mites off her faux fur rug with some UV-producing mite-killer (not a toy, apparently it’s a real… thing we redeemed about 10,000 arcade points for)… and calling dibs on Lego storage boxes to make “real” furniture..

Truth be told some of the early messes were horrendous – and I really had to sit on my hands and bite my tongue. Surprisingly, Rockstar is still the one who holds the “record” for “toddler mess” though – he once tripped the security on our safe by keying in too many experimental pins, and Kings almost couldn’t get his passport out in time to go on business trip. We had to call the manufacturer to crack the keypad. (My point being, it wasn’t like my kids don’t create the most awful messes – it was painful.)

Next, we got to work on the mountain of Lego accumulated predominantly by Rockstar during his more erm, “introverted” days… HN called dibs to make herself a seat (Rockstar has one of those adjustable office chairs which she thinks is hidious) and the thing below took her some time what with the heavy blocks –

On an aside, if you asked Rockstar, he would attribute part of how he is today, relatively extroverted (though still needing quiet alone time at the end of the day to decompress), to HN’s constant LOUD noises and fearlessness. She would run into things, pick herself up, keep on going. Throw herself (only ever with me close by, otherwise she is not allowed to, under threat of loss of water privileges) into the deep end of a pool, struggle to the side, retch pool water, get back in and repeat, until she learned to swim in her own way (they later started actual lessons and proper strokes at school last term..

Depending whether they like Rockstar’s kinda kid or HN’s more, people often think one is lucky to have the other as a sibling. Truth be told however, they “help” and strengthen each other a lot. Because both on their own are extremes – when younger, one was vulnerable and fragile, retreating into the comfort of repetition and practice, memorising many facts and figures, the other an excitement junkee who is quite fearless and unbreakable, perpetually looking for her next adrenaline fix, thriving on the thrill of unpredictability… 

In the end it was a powerful lesson for all of us concerned, that you cannot choose your hand – but you can make careful exploration of the task you are given, and do your creative best with the good and bad cards you are dealt. (Like, kinda stuck with both of them right, cannot dump either one (or both) in a cardboard box outside with a sign “Free Kid! Just take him/her! PLEASE.” So had to find a way to not die from the parenting evolve or die make living with them more tolerable.

(This is them playing with the boxes the Lego boxes arrived in <rolls eyes>)

ps: Oh, and HN looks like this now. She wanted an edgy look… and to not have to tie her hair up in this summer heat. Guy Who Cuts Her Hair at private i kids’ salon is really good, he took the pic, remarked it was an “unusual” cut for a 6yr old….. and then recreated the look in the pic perfectly. And he works in a little kiddie salon ok….

pps: *For awhile, I’ve had the epiphany that instead of “training” a domestic helper to fit our family needs, I could use that considerable energy to “train” my own kids to be self-sufficient. (We will get a professional cleaning service several times a week and meantime, it occurred to me there was a substantial investment of time, energy and money that went into finding then training and managing live-in domestic help here – and they would always eventually leave. I would like to try investing that in my own kids instead.) So lemme clarify – I am NOT against the people who are domestic helpers, I don’t like the concept of the domestic helper particularly in HK (my mum friends in the UK and Australia and the States all do fine with day care – but one of my closest friends who is leaving HK for the UK and has been managing two helpers is now terrified of the move) – it has to do with our dependency on a job function that by definition isn’t the most inspiring or motivational. I do not want that to be the main erm, “execution platform” for raising my kids. 

There is so much childcare and education research out there, there are so many authorities in the field. There must certainly be more than one way to do it right. The problem however was never a lack of good ideas or research – it is one of execution.  It’s most humbling – supposedly we know so much more today about parenting, early childhood education etc etc…. yet we can’t run away from the fact you can have the most awesome ideas backed by the most substantial research, you can put so much energy and attention into decisions re raising your kids – but right up at “execution” and even “back office support” (let’s call that simply consistency in parenting) thereafter if people didn’t pay attention to getting it right, are too demotivated to make sure they got it exactly right, all that careful planning is going belly up anyway…

I used to have a trader colleague quoting some of the equity derivatives I was sourcing for my Sales’ clients – from a very well-to-do family herself, young, pretty and bright mum of a toddler, who worked really hard on the desk – at home if they were out of water, she wouldn’t put the kettle on, she would wait for her helper to do it, because it was what the helper was paid for, and she already worked so hard in the bank. But she still had to expend energy reminding, reminding the helper to do it.

I would prefer not to be so dependent. I guess that means working harder myself. No Free Lunch, right? First Summer Housework Camp lesson to the kids: Everything has a Price. It isn’t always in $$$, but it’s there, alright. I got that ‘tude back from private banking – when a corporate or high net worth individual wanted to do something in the financial markets, there was always a cost. Either it’s an opportunity cost, or it’s an added risk – you can change the form of the risk, but you can never make it magically “disappear”.

 Then one day, my trader colleague came home to find her daughter’s bangs cut off by her helper with a scissor, completely changing her hairstyle. She was so upset. (There are certainly mums who are fine with this, but I’m not one of them either.) And I’m not sure this aggro is worth it.

When I was away working long hours, I thought the solution was simply training or education, and so I sent our then-helper for full baby-care certification (yes complete with certificate of completion she gets to keep, with her name on it) with Yvonne Heavyside, the UK-trained nurse who runs Family Zone. That Indonesian helper lasted 11 months with us. She couldn’t stop trying to find other jobs. It exhausted her, made her care of our kids very bad, not because she was incapable.  And Rockstar always knew she didn’t care, it was just the job she could find…

We had another helper who was a college graduate. I started looking for her replacement about 6 months after hiring her. She had recently been let go from a family she had worked for for almost a decade and a half. Now the little local girl she had been taking care of was grown, the family no longer needed her. She had left a similar-aged daughter back in the Philippines as a months-old baby, and her own daughter had grown up never really knowing her. It was after all this that, still relatively emotional, she then came to work for us.

She then formed a huge preference for HN over Rockstar, and it showed. Not just in their little bickering fights where it was “never” HN’s “fault,” even things like the very different way she spoke to the two children, and never remembering to refill Rockstar’s drinking bottle after she washed it, leaving all the parts disassembled on the drying rack even when he needed to pick it up and run out the door… but HN’s would always be ready and right where she wanted it. Both kids picked up on it. Now go back up and read the bit I wrote about how much these two kids actually need and help each other, cancelling out their very different “weaknesses” with their own individual “strengths.” I would not have that to work with, if they developed a strong dislike for and competed fiercely with, each other.

It’s been two years since then. They both still remember the time with that helper. When HN gets her water, she brings Rockstar his as well. When they drive me nuts and I don’t farm it out to a helper, I remember that difference.

I think that if the more capable domestic helpers were hired (retrained if need be) to help run day cares, cafes, cleaning services, book stores etc etc, the same people would do a better job there than as domestic helpers. Domestic helpers particularly in HK often feel like the job is beneath them and that they can do more. If that’s what gets better work done, then I really think they should. I’m obsessive-compulsive about motivation levels, and not just for domestic helpers – I strongly believe that unmotivated people will produce absolute rubbish no matter how “educated” or not, as long as they feel none of it matters at the end of the day – that must’ve been how my college grad helper felt, after saying goodbye to the local girl she had raised as her own, at the expense of not knowing her own child back in the Philippines. And it’s not just your household and domestic helpers – in any organisation where people believe in what they’re doing, believe in the organisation they serve, have a genuine faith in the existence of fairness and meritocracy over say, “power-tripping”, I think the boost in motivation and capability would be out of this world.