How To Be An American Ninja (Or, An Ode To Death By Dodgeball)

From Wikipedia: “A ninja (忍者^?) or shinobi (忍び^?) was a covert agent or mercenary in feudal Japan. The functions of the ninja included: espionage, sabotage, infiltration, assassination and guerrilla warfare.^[1] Their covert methods of waging irregular warfare were deemed “dishonorable” and “beneath” the samurai–caste, who observed strict rules about honor and combat…”^[

I blame the Americans. Without the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and GI Joe (they get a couple ninjas to serve in the US army), and That Whole Hugely-Entertaining-But-Completely-Torturing-Japanese-History-To-Death American Ninja Warriors our kids would not all want to be ninjas. I mean, lookit:

This is Work, People. (pic from 2paragraphs.com)

(pic from Youtube.com)

Yup, and here the rockstars at the newly-renovated Ryze Trampoline Park:

Why, yes, he jumped from the other rope sack

Xena Warrior Princess – no, scratch that, we aren’t allowed to call her Princess, she currently goes by Queen Elsa (seriously – because Queen Elsa has powers and runs a country) – has about 4-5 serious meltdowns in this place on average, per 1 hour session, now the Ninja Pit is up. This is because she gets really, really angry when she can’t do the stunts.

Oh, and I need to qualify another thing about her accepted moniker – Rockstar and boys in general are not allowed to refer to her as such. To all boys, she is Little Miss Rockstar. Only girls may address her Highness as the Queen. This is because boys do not have the respect for Queen Elsa that girls do. (Which is actually true – you can almost hear Rockstar’s Sniff Of Disdain when he so much as looks at anything Frozen.)

Guess how he’s getting down from there.

This – right here this – is why good people end up sending their kids to this Place of Torture For Hapless Dads. I name it such because there used to be a Dodgeball pit here. Every so often some poor dad decides to be all on-the-ball Cool Fun Dad and steps into the Dodgeball arena……. Whereupon all the kids predictably turn on him.

Fresh Meat For The Lions! Let’s annihilate The Dad! Fun! This is because as a Cool Fun Dad On Your Day Off From Work you kinda have to swallow it when kids hurl balls at your head as hard as their skinny little arms’ll let them. Usually, they won’t even be your kids. Usually also, when a Mum goes in, none of the kids really dare to go after her because she’s probably going to scold everyone for throwing balls in the dodgeball pit. “It. Doesn’t Matter. What. Dodgeball. Issabout. No. Throwing.“

An interesting observation about social practice and parenting in Hong Kong, lots more dads are the ones away working and when they get back the kids take advantage 😀 The mums are more likely to be the – Don’t You Dare Hit My Child With A Ball. You Want To Die Issit? – and the – Son. Daughter. No Throwing Things. Don’t You Dare Throw Balls. You Want To Die Issit?  – Parents. (This paragraph was audited by Rockstar. A Dodgeball veteran, he has pronounced this “completely true.”)

We’ll call this an Ode To The Dads, Some Of Whom Were Also Responsible For Foam Pits Being Shut Down When They Attempted Trampoline Jumps And Lost Their IPhones And Watches In There.

Alas, we knew them well.

But What A Way To Go.