In a perfect Hong Kong world:
1. You would be able to see the stars more nights. (After being away 2 weeks we can smell the difference in the air when we exit the airport. Sad, cos otherwise we were happy to come home.)
2. Our sense of time would not be so completely warped, compared to many other parts of the world. Several Aussies in Sorrento pulled up a chair for a chat when we were finishing brunch and hoping to take the ferry. Kings is twitching with impatience after maybe 15 mins because he wants to check the ferry timetable. Trying not to show it, he kicks me under the table to end the conversation a few times. He’s in such a hurry I don’t quite finish my lunch so I eat a packed sandwich in the car on the way. (We end up a whopping 50 minutes early.)
Made it….50 minutes early…
(Yes we know the first step is acknowledging we have a problem… :P)
And I stepped on someone’s heels getting on the escalator in Melbourne – the city, that is, since there are very few escalators to be found in the small towns. I wasn’t exactly distracted, I was staring straight at them. I just expected them to be moving faster than they were <sheepish>.
3. I wouldn’t fill our apartment with fugly spider plants (which some Nasa report reproduced in a decade-old Utusan Malaysia ranks highly for cleaning the air of chemical pollutants.)
4. We wouldn’t filter and boil our drinking water (we know locals who drink only bottled water – oh wait, our neighbors do that too – JD keeps wagging her tail against the giant water bottles outside their door every time she passes one her way to use the doggie lift. Yes. They have a separate lift for dogs.)
5. People wouldn’t be cynical.
6. People wouldn’t try to rip off people who aren’t. Cynical, I mean.
7. I wouldn’t carry around baby-safe sanitiser foam AND a spray bottle of disinfectant (SARS did this to meee!!)
8. Rockstar would not have to be doused in baby-safe insect repellant every time he steps outdoors in summer (the bug bites leave large angry red welts and scars. Even once when he walked to the carpark – got to be freaking kidding me. When we first got here a local Hongkie friend told us to watch the bugs because “you can die from them.”)
9. People wouldn’t throw old fridges out their flat windows in the older parts of Hong Kong (because they can’t get it out the door. DON’T ask me how they got it in there in the first place.)
10. More parks would allow dogs (there are thousands of parks in Hong Kong. Like, not even 20 allow dogs.)
11. Dog haters would stay in the umpteen parks and apartments that don’t allow dogs, instead of harassing dog owners
(Wrote angry email to our previous apartment’s management office about this one because I was once refused entry into the apartment we own, not even rent, because someone in the lift lobby had a problem with JD: “Dog haters can choose to live in apartments that ban pets, instead of moving to dog-friendly apartments then voting at the AGM to ban dogs from most public areas in the development. Developments who claim to be dog friendly should act like it – or stop pretending to be fine with pets.”
Come to think of it, we’ve had JD almost 7 years here and I still find Hongkie dog lovers some of the nicest people here.)
12. Park attendants would not be required to hand out leaflet reminders to “clean up after your dog, leash your dog, muzzle your dog, bla bla bla” to dog owners in the parks.
They would also not have to beg you to let them take a pic of you and your dog as they hand you the leaflet, as proof they’re doing their job.
13. Local restaurant menus would take pity on the few of us living here who can’t read Chinese and print some English menus.
14. Fewer taxi drivers would take a longer route when they hear me speak to Rockstar in English. (See item 5)
15. Kopi Tiam breakfasts would be as widely available as local instant noodles in Char Chan Tengs
16. A Roti Canai would not cost HKD 20 (HKD 25, with egg, last I checked) at Malaysian restaurant Sabah in Wan Chai. (Albeit it’s a pretty big Roti Canai)
17. There would be as many men as women (Locals tell us it was reported that the ratio of boys to girls born in Hong Kong in Rockstar’s year was 1:4)
18. It would not have to be illegal to feed pigeons
19. China mistresses of all ages would not be widely available
20. People would think any price is too high to pay for sex
21. Everything Else wouldn’t be so bloody expensive
