Little Miss Rockstar Guest Blogs About Her Education. Kind Of.

Hi everyone,

It’s been awhile since I last wrote, during which time I’ve discovered not just Hands, Feet, Hair Clips, Bracelets, Squeaky Shoes and Ninja Turtle Weapons, I’ve also adjusted to a school routine. See, there comes a time in an Older Baby’s life when she grows right up out of babyhood and passes the pearly gates into the Age Of The Toddler.

(I know people usually say “pearly gates” to allude to Things Related To Heaven and well sometimes I do think this is where Older Babies go when they croak grow up. Age Of The Toddler is pretty cool – you’re old enough to actually do stuff with Hands and Feet, but you’re not old enough that people expect you to…… fold Origami or something with them. Ori-something is, as the name suggests, Japanese Paper Torture. They give you a piece of paper and instead of letting you joyously rip it up/ crumple it spectacularly in an exhilarating burst of sound/ fling it about/ wave it about/ eat it – you are supposed to – wait for it – fold the thing following the most precise instructions to make it into things God never intended. Really, if God meant for trees to be paper cranes He could have made paper cranes grow on trees.)  

But I digress. Back to School. That tantalizingly mysterious Place of Crazy Happiness Ko-ko goes to every day when he disappears deep into Giant Wheeled Thing called Bus. (Isn’t that just the most ridiculous word? Leave it to grownups. They obviously came up with that because The Wheels On The Giant Wheeled Thing That Takes You Places Of Crazy Happiness is apparently too much work.

In fact you will soon find, dear fellow Toddlers, that grownups secretly hate all your favorite songs. AND they get strangely upset over the most basic requests, like singing your favorite songs (with actions, of course) only two dozen times in a row. Instead of the several hundred times you really wanted. But….. like you ever needed further proof grownups were lazy <shrugs>.

Stay awake past midnight to read 1 Mole Diggy Hole? LAZY.

Get you the “Bis-kit” you so desperately need at 2am? LAZY – so what if you have to brush your teeth right after, it’s good personal hygiene, isn’t it?

Bottle at 4am? HAH! LAZY.

AND D’you know what time they expect you to sleep til, after being lazy all night?

PAST 6AM.

Supercalifragilisticexpiali-LAZY.

Grownups are the laziest creatures on the planet, they expect you to be asleep just so you won’t have Bis-kits at night. WHO COULD EVER NOT WANT BIS-KITS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? It’s inhuman.

Recently, it got worse. I started to go to school at 11am. Well technically, I was waitlisted to begin a toddler Mandarin class from my old place after I outgrew the last class, and those one hour classes are in full swing too, but my school school, the place you get Snack and Play and march about in line singing as you go off to wash your hands or to the playground (y’know, like the Von Trapp children) had sessions that I had trouble not wigging out at if I didn’t stay asleep til like, 9am.

People claim otherwise I become this whole other angry person towards the end of the school day if I haven’t been forced to sleep til 9am. (On that, lemme just say – how would YOU like it if – if people play music and start waving their hands about like it’s all okay and we should be happy, even when you’re feeling just awful? Have you every tried to tell people you need the lights off and they need to shut up and not move any more and they start hushing you? You’d scream too.

No seriously, try it – next time you have to sit in a circle and listen to people making irritating noises (just replace Carpet with Meeting Room Table if you are an Ancient Adult), think about it – wouldn’t you like everyone to shut up, turn off the lights, stop moving and STOP LOOKING AT YOU THAT WAY??)

I heard a rumor in Grownup Land they kill people for having meetings that are too long or with too many irritating noises. It’s probably true because of the whole Natural Selection thing. A species is hard-wired to find ways to avoid extinction and long meaningless Meetings are a very good way to make a species vanish <all knowledgeable>.

But anyway. Here’s a few more tips about education. Feel free to make your own additional notes.

#1: If it’s a good place, it MUST have a slide. Preferably with a tunnel attached. How else are you going to stand at the bottom and clap maniacally when new friends come sliding down?

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#2: If it ain’t somethin’ you can get messy (or at least wet) with, it ain’t good enough. Every respectable Toddler should be able to swing at least one outfit change during the school session. This should be a standard Learning Target. 

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#3: There has to be a sufficient supply of bugs.

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#4: There should also be farm animals. At the very least, Horsies. 

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#5: Jelly beads aren’t a must, but they are a nice touch. Also, more scoops than children indicates thoughtfulness. We have, after all, TWO hands and feel a little more understood by people who have noticed.

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That’s all I have time for, I have to make it to School soon. I don’t want to be late, there are bean bags to fling myself on if I get there earlier than the teacher <bliss>

Signed,

The Little Miss Rockstar

(Because I know stuff)

ps: The smaller pics are from Bebegarten’s parent site, they said it was ok…