#88
(From Kings’ public Facebook:)
Kings: I’m going to count to three and you’re going to walk or I’m going to smack you.
Queen E: Why does everyone always count til three? Why not count til ten?
Kings: <gives up><carries her>
She liveth dangerously.
Rockstar: <authoritatively> Mum. I’ve been watching Super Nanny. Here’s what you need to do with Queen E.
Queen E: I’m listening, Ko-ko.
Me: (to Rockstar) And yet you have no idea why you set her off.
Rockstar: You need a timeout chair, see. Then you put the kid in the timeout chair for the same number of minutes as their age in years.
Me: How d’you keep the kid in the chair?
Rockstar: <knowledgeably> This is where discipline comes in.
Me: You have no idea, do you?
Rockstar: I could…. <enthusiastically> can I hold her down in the chair? I volunteer for this job!
Me: You seem strangely keen on self harm.
Queen E: <hisses theatrically><bars teeth><claws air vigorously around Rockstar>
JD: <barks around mouthful of tennis ball while following us around the bedroom> Wroof! Wroof-wroof, WROOFFF!
Me: Why is JD making that sound so much lately? What changed? (Usually she just puts the ball wherever we are and stares at it until her eyeballs almost fall out)
Queen E: She’s trying to tell us something. She’s trying to tell us Ko-ko threw the ball at her.
Rockstar: (from depths of living room sofa without looking up from laptop) I heard that…
Me: That is like, the worst attempt at telling ever, what was even the purpose of that? We all know your bro <raises voice> HASN’T MOVED FROM HIS LAPTOP IN WAY TOO LONG.
Rockstar: <IGNORES>
Queen E: I don’t know, I thought I was trying… <shrugs theatrically> I should probably try harder if I really want to get him in trouble.
Rockstar: <in same tone as before> I heard that…
Queen E: See Mummy, he can hear you say he should stop playing Minecraft now.
Me: Good effort.
Queen E: I know, right?
She can be a lawyer 🙂