Boy or Girl?

We don’t know yet. But we may know soon so I just had to write this before we found out. Having a baby is already joyous (if terrifying and exhausting), I wanted to write an indulgent post reveling in possibly our last week(s) of not knowing (I can understand why some want to wait til the birth but there is just no way in hell we can stand not knowing for that long).

When everyone thought Rockstar was a girl (even after he came out)…

We found out Rockstar was a boy pretty late in the pregnancy. His legs were crossed every time we tried to take a peek, and my gynea has strong feelings about using even the traditional ultrasound for anything as “frivolous” as knowing whether to go blue or pink. Nothing we “tried” could get him to give up the goods – no amount of wriggling on my part or bouncing the ultrasound wand on my gynea’s part. But it did increase my confidence in amniotic fluid’s ability to cushion a lot of movement from a 16+ week old fetus haha. (Btw friends, colleagues and the office tea lady do not make things easier, with their “Ooh just look at the shape of your belly, it’s a boy right? Right???” bla bla.)

Ever notice that after you tell random aunties what you’re carrying they are always “I knew it!! Because <insert some theory about your skin/ shape of belly/ goodness knows what else – what’s the most insane one you’ve heard?>” So. Let’s see. Before we find out what’s in there let’s have a little fun (with a little sidetracking along the way), shall we?

In all my anal-ness, I was careful not to form a preference until I knew what we were getting, and then conveniently I was rabidly delighted at whichever we got. (Hence my “Sure or not sure or not sure or not???” at my gynea when she eventually announced, like 5 or 6 months along, that Rockstar was irrevocably male.) I may not have a preference, but I’m dying to know. For all the things I wanted to say to Rockstar/ Rockstar, Too, that I couldn’t sort out in my own head til I knew what we were getting. Did God think a girl would suit our family dynamic better, or a boy? How about 2 boys? How much furniture are they going to tear up with the dog? Is Kings going to be even more of a pushover this time round? (Ay, his own friends ask me this ok… He manages, but honestly Kings has to dig deep to show tough love. And Rockstar is a very straightforward, strong-willed, un-manipulative boy.)

We deliberately didn’t ask Rockstar which he’d prefer btw, just asked him to guess… We shall pull the ole’ Oh WOW! It’s a boy/girl!! You were hoping for a bro/ sis, weren’t you?? You got what you wanted! Yay!”

Last time round, I was “grateful” for a boy (when I already knew Rockstar was a boy) because I thought they were “easier” to raise. I figured, as an over-generalization, if my “starter-child” (and I say this because I was the worst kind of absolute beginner with children) was a girl, that would be like going over the deep end when learning to swim: You have to be more careful in the sense girls are more sensitive to erm, “criticism” when you scold them. If they are more sensitive and emotional, they’re also more manipulative (simply because they are more perceptive).. Then there are boyfriend issues, body/weight issues and even more issues when making friends. I have a BBC girlfriend in the UK who tells me her friend has to figure who the most popular girl in school is and invite her home for tea so she’ll get along with her daughter, thereby reducing the chance her daughter gets picked on. (I think they were like, 4 years old.) 

I could understand that (though 4 seemed a bit young), bearing in mind growing up I’d been sensitive, insecure, hungry for approval from other tween/ teen girls, thereby making me fair game for those delightful proverbial Mean Girls experiences – complete with “Slam Books” where they say bitchy things about you having no breasts or butt and sleeping around. (Well, the sleeping around bit was obviously not true). Navigating this as the parent of a girl, when I’d sucked at “surviving” it (i.e. not letting it get to me when I was growing up) had seemed overwhelming when we hadn’t even planned on Rockstar’s pregnancy to begin with… But honestly I’d have figured some other thing to tell myself if Rockstar had turned out to be a girl…

Now, during this pregnancy, people have been guessing “girl”! (Btw Rockstar’s guess is “Potato! Hee hee.”) Because my skin broke out quite a bit this first trimester, whereas it didn’t with Rockstar. Because I felt much more nauseous and fatigued (this btw was my gynea’s speculation – I countered by saying the type of morning sickness I had did not vary, only its severity, albeit to a very large degree.) Because I’m temperamental now (and struggle not to let it affect me on a daily basis) – I get emotional (and btw I’m not someone who gets affected emotionally by PMS etc, in fact hormones have pretty much never made me this emotional before, this pregnancy’s pretty trip-y, like I’m on something). Because I can get rabidly happy simply from fulfilling a particular food craving (usually chickpea curry, some other curry, scallops, or caviar. In fact certain foods aren’t the only thing that makes me so unexplainably happy, more later – I mentioned trip-y, right?)

But really at the end of the day we’re slowly getting to We’re Pregnant – Hurray! Wonder What We’re Getting <rub hands with glee>. Whichever we are blessed with is what God feels is the best fit for our family. (Hence I really don’t have a problem with everyone speculating I’m carrying a girl based on various old wives’ tales – if I’m carrying a second boy doesn’t that debunk quite a few myths?) But here were a few comments I did mind:

“Are you having any more children? Would 4 be too many? How about having a girl, this time?” (Sure, we’ll get right on it, but just in case it doesn’t work out, can we settle for a puppy? It doesn’t even have to be a real one, then you get to go really wild with the colors and everything… In fact, who cares about the laws of nature, how about one of those 3-eyed aliens from Toy Story.. The Joneses would be impressed.)

“You will want a girl. Girls take care of parents better in old age.” (Uh, why do you assume Kings and I will need taking care of in our old age? We happen to want to take skiing lessons instead. Note to self: make sure you’re getting enough calcium.)

“It’s only normal to want a girl. You already have a boy.” (I will have you know aforementioned boy has expressed preference for a potato. So there.)

“Oh, your first is (a very) small (child). Let’s hope this next won’t be!” (Ok, that wasn’t about b or g but it totally pissed me off anyway. And btw that was said to me by a doctor, not some yakkity old auntie I met on the street.)

Am I hormonal? What is wrong with these people, can they not go incubate something in their own uteruses? Or get a uterus?

Sometimes… Just the thumb ain’t enough…

Anyway, let’s see. Whether there’s anything at all to all the speculations flying around. Hormones are a weird, wonderful thing.

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Rockstarism #181 – The New Year Resolutions

Saigon at Stanley (where the soft-shell crab paper rolls are divine)

Over Vietnamese on New Year’s Day…

Me: Rockstar, today’s the first day of a new year, and usually people come up with New Year Resolutions, which are like a promise they want to make about doing something better, or making themselves better people. Like say, eating healthier foods or remembering to say “please” and “thank you”… So do you have any New Year’s Resolutions?

Rockstar: I can’t think of anything.

Me: Need some time?

Rockstar: Yeah.

So our food comes, and I reopen the conversation…

Rockstar: Give people more food.

(I determine he means re his school St James food collection drive last Xmas… There’s a pic of  the Kindy reception area Rockstar would pass each day with all the food supplies out front here)

Me: Um, ok, how about something that makes you a better person too, like learning to not get so angry if someone’s not sharing or if they’re pushing? (Because I think he’s still too anal).

Rockstar: Ok, learn to put out fires. (Because he currently wants to be a fireman when he grows up). Daddy hurry up. Tell yours.

Kings: Eat more vegetables.

Rockstar: Eeeewwwww! (He does not consider broccoli or carrots, his favorites, “vegetables”. Only bean sprouts and kale and any others he loathes are “vegetables”. He picked that up from discussing “vegetables” with schoolmates.)

Me: Mine is to not yell at you over minor transgressions (like messing up the bathroom when we’re already late) and then having to apologize for flying off the handle. (Thought he’d be pleased, but noooo…)

Rockstar: That’s crazy. (I think he means because it’s too difficult to keep). How about “Eat more snail?”

Outdoor seating at Saigon - near enough Stanley Market to have a nice meal (there are a few nice restaurants in this building) and then walk over to browse the market

It would seem Rockstar has unfortunately caught on to the uh, “art” of New Year Resolution-Making. Don’t make ones that you have trouble keeping. I am not pleased. He could’ve at least dug deep and resolved not to ruin any more of our photos. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR DEARS! MAY THIS YEAR BE A BLESSING UNTO ONE AND ALL, AND MAY WE BE A BLESSING TO EACH OTHER TOO!

We may not have as much control as we’d like over the blessings we receive, but each of us has the ability to be a blessing unto someone else.

Just think if enough people around us had that thought… In fact, many of you already do, from the incredibly informed and insightful comments I keep receiving both on the blog and via email. Thank you for making this a gathering place that continually reminds us all and illustrates to my child(ren when they can read someday) people can be kind for no reason. May you be doubly blessed for it this 2012!!

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Meeting Cordlife

During the hols (i.e. a relatively quiet day in the office), Kings emailed for a rep from Cordlife Ltd to come meet us near his workplace at lunch, similarly summoning Rockstar and myself over so I could sign the relevant papers.

The gold lame (yeah strangely/) shopping bag they hand us with the harvesting kit in it

We did this thing for Rockstar and now plan to do the same for Rockstar, Too. This thing meaning having cordblood harvested at time of delivery, and stored cryogenically away for 18 years (which is the longest they’ll agree to provide safe storage of the bio material before I guess reviewing if the material can be kept for longer).

The stem cells in the cord blood can be used to treat over 80 diseases, including some cancers and blood disorders. Like other “insurances” we buy, this is one of those things you pray fervently never have to use – it’s an irony of buying insurance that you hope it’s money down the drain haha – but if you ever needed the material, there is no amount of money you wouldn’t pay to have it. (Speaking of which, we paid HKD 33,000 for the material to be stored 18 years… Well, to be exact HKD 13,500 you have to pay for any amount of time you want it stored, being enrollment, processing and testing fees, and then HKD 19,500 is to store it for the 18 years.)

Excerpt from the reading material in our package:

“… in pediatric transplants, cord blood stem cells are now the most frequently used source (over bone marrow and peripheral blood stem cells. ……..stem cells from umbilical cord blood have a much higher proliferative capacity, a better differentiation potential and a lower body defense mechanism, giving them greater advantages over other adult stem cell sources.”

Later when we’re at lunch, I would suddenly realize one of my senior ex-RMs I haven’t seen in ages is seated at the next table – and she’s heavily pregnant. She’s already seen the gold Cordlife carrier bag, and asks how I feel about the company (she’s local Hongkie btw; at this private bank I got hung up on when during the early morning shift I answered the dealing line in English – the person on the other line muttered “Kong ying mun wor” i.e. “Speaking in English wor”…)

I think the biggest risk to paying HKD 33,000 upfront is of course the company goes belly up in the course of the 18 years, or isn’t doing well and so cuts costs and corners and somehow doesn’t manage to store the bio material properly, in which case the worst case scenario is if/when you need the cord blood (needing it already being bad, if you ask me) you then find it’s not in a usable condition anymore. We could actually have chosen to store it for 5 years (I think it was HKD 20,500) and then take it from there, just we umm, didn’t. Bit lazy <sheepish>.

But seriously, if you were worried you might want to review every 5 years whether the company seems to be storing the cordblood properly… Except we figured a large part of “properly” is hard for us to determine anyway – they have the talks and briefings but up to a point it’s not that easy to determine how much better one cryogenic facility is from another… So we went with the most commonly-used longer-standing company among our friends/ colleagues and a prayer it will never matter (i.e. never need to use).

Oh how cute, I even have 2 (rock)stars on the kit

We’re handed a sturdy little cardboard box that the rep opens briefly to show us before sealing and reminding us not to let Rockstar play with it. (Well d-uh – it’s got needles in it and everything.) I also have to sign 2 copies of a form releasing my Gynea from liability should she fail to harvest the cord blood during delivery. “HK law provides an additional layer of protection to the doctor,” we’re told. Briefly we wonder if the incidence of lawsuits for alleged malpractice is higher here than say in Singapore (where the Cordlife company is from btw – which is probably why harvesting cordblood does seem to be a more common practice among our friends in Singapore; well I think there’s a Public Bank in Singapore too, where you register because even if you don’t want to store your cordblood privately the stem cells may save someone someday)…

Then our rep writes her cellphone number on the box, telling us to call her anytime – including in the middle of the night – if we have any questions especially at time of delivery when we are supposed to bring the box with us to the hospital and hand it to my Gynea.

Sealed box…

Last time I have a vague recollection of my Gynea saying casually, “Oh yeah, you’re doing that? Ok (will harvest)…” but no memory of the box, during Rockstar’s delivery – Kings says he packed the box along when he carried all the other stuff I’d put together to go to the hospital when the time came (well I do remember he was driving back and forth quite a bit for food and various supplies in the first couple days – he would eventually also drive the dog home from her favorite boarding house before picking me and Rockstar up to go home)…

What I do remember is setting my alarm for 6am on de day – I awoke and scarfed down a last meal of Mc Donald’s double cheeseburger and fries because I was so worried about being ravenous from having to not eat before my operation at noon. My doctors were quite amused.

Also my Gynea saying at the time of delivery, “Ok, harvesting your cord blood now…” “Ok, if you don’t mind I’ll just have a look at your ovaries while I’m in there, otherwise it’s all done,” to which I replied “Yeah right, why not, since you’re already in there.” Rather surrealistic. But honestly, it was uncomfortable – I couldn’t feel anything down there sure, but there was cramping pain in (of all places) my neck, shoulder and arm, (which they explained was because they touched some nerve which is fairly common during the op), and I did feel nauseous… It’s more discomfort than most of my other girlfriends said they felt from their C-sections, though… 

And so off to lunch we went…

It occurred to me, that old saying if/ when God shuts a door he opens a window… I was just thinking that He allowed the discovery of stem cell technology to be used in this way (among many more discoveries in this world) to provide us with more tools to “fix” some of the “things wrong with this world” (if like me you believe cancers, and all the other ugly things that go on are somehow related to, and ultimately a product of, sin in this world).

Still I pray He doesn’t have to shut many doors…

Posted in Rockstar Shopping, Rockstar Thoughts | Tagged | 9 Comments

Santa’s Marketing Cause (and other random thoughts)

You would’ve seen this pic already – I originally wanted this to send out Christmas greetings but got side tracked with other stuff I wanted to write about (as usual).

What I hadn’t gotten round to pointing out however, were that those were Cartier jewel boxes Santa was sitting around. Yup, this very authentic-looking Santa (who btw is super professional re pics and stuff) is part of Cartier’s marketing at ICC (International Commerce Center) Mall.

Within minutes you get a good quality picture printed out and handed to you in this very nice Cartier folder – and it’s all free!

Thing is, it’s such a nice picture, bet lotsa people took similar with their iPhones (like we did) and emailed it to all their friends as their e-Xmas card. And there you thought Cartier was “only” a nod at serious consumerism… They just paid for the most professional Santa Claus we’ve seen this season… Ahem.

***********

An irony of early-ish pregnancy is while you have no appetite, you know you’re supposed to eat well and so you feel guilty when you don’t. Multi-vitamins should be the answer right (especially if you can maybe get the stuff through a needle in your arm)?

So I look at the label on the bottle of Centrum given me by my Gynea. When did they discover 26 vitamins? 10, 20 years ago, they didn’t have 26, did they? Well if they hadn’t discovered 26 back then, how could they put them in supplements? So if supplements a decade ago had less than 26, what’s to say in another decade they won’t discover a few more?

Things That Make You Go "Hmmmm"

Look at bottle again. Have no choice but to still eat the actual foods that are supposed to be good for pregnancy and currently taste like a hamster litter tray. (Or at least what I imagine one would taste like). Crap.

***********

A Korean girlfriend described to me recently, how when she was pregnant with her son (who is one of the smarter kids in his class) she divided out her time each day: an hour listening to classical music, then different times of day to fold origami, do math in textbooks she bought specifically during pregnancy. She was moved to do that after watching a (Korean) documentary that showed the baby smiling when the mother smiled. She described how much she hated math, but made herself do the textbooks anyway because of it.

So obviously I’m all Let’s Try That! Except this pregnancy’s making me more temperamental (felt nuthin’ with Rockstar – until he came out and then I started wigging) so instead I’m now Am I Carrying A Fruitcake? Is That Why I Feel Like A Fruitcake?

(No, not really, just thought it was a little funny.) Though the Rockstar would think it really cool if Mummy had a Fruitcake. Sigh.

I'm With Fruitcake

Oh wait – don’t I already have one?

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Every Rockstar Needs A Dog Needs a Rockstar

Things that make you go AAAAWWWWWWwwwwwww. Another one of those with JD and Rockstar and how both have better lives for each other. (And we don’t have to entertain either Yippeee!)

JD buried by Rockstar under her stuff

And this is them playing Capture The Turtle.

Have told Rockstar one of these days the dog is just going to swarm up him and knock him over but honestly she never does... She is a reserved dog.

See, he's just asking for it...

(JD was obsessed for awhile with finding this beanbag turtle Rockstar received as a gift, so Rockstar started having her chase him for it… We told Rockstar it was Game Over if she made it back into her basket with the turtle because then we’d have to wash it and all so we’d probably let her keep it – as a result he never actually let her take it into her basket. Not for want of trying on the part of the dog. Amazing how each of them can be that focussed. If we could only make them that good at the housework hmm….)

Ok and here’s the latest compilation of their clips:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5GZ_ERd5M8&feature=youtu.be]

(Yes, I know the video is mostly them dragging each other around, I have too many clips and the other stuff they do with each other didn’t make it before the song ended so a part III will be up soon too, be warned :P)

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Christmas Day At Stanley Plaza Mall And Market

View from the mall (it was a beautiful Christmas day)

The new Stanley Plaza shopping mall is now dog-friendly, with dogs allowed in the cafes and all over the mall so we thought we’d check it out by having a quick lunch in the Stanley area (but this was right after church so we hadn’t picked JD up) for a look-see if there were more activities for dogs nowadays.

Dogs allowed! (Otherwise we used to walk swiftly thru the mall, avoiding eye contact with the guards who would try to catch up with us, attempting to get the dog as quickly as possible thru the mall to the only carpark we know how to access, so they can tell us dogs aren’t allowed)

The rockstar below couldn’t walk 2 paces without someone trying to take a pic. The owners were game, the dog was not – it kept trying to totter off…

Reindeer dressed as Samoyed (owned by middle-aged HK couple)

The sidewalk restaurants already allowed dogs before the refurbishment of the little mall which now has more doggie products shops as well as a kiddie bookstore, and we used to come here for brunch except JD didn’t have as much place to run as our other haunts and we could never get a booking at the lone dog grooming place in the area to bathe her if she went swimming in the sea near Stanley Market. Can you say salty car seats…

This angel-winged Maltese is attached to an old White/ Caucasian guy with a faint Aussie accent… Must’ve got the jacket for Christmas…

We find one of the doggie sitting out areas on a clean, wooden deck with a view, but decide to go back to the sidewalk restaurants because 1) We’re starving after the church service and don’t see any good food immediately around (though btw all the shops are open and bustling – we probably didn’t look hard enough) and 2) There are two very barky Samoyeds 3) Didn’t bring the dog anyway – we can sit anywhere

Garlic bread and cold seafood platter

Kings is holding that up because it looks exactly like a couple of pet fresh water lobsters we used to keep in a tank (wanted pets so bad, kept trying tortoises, fish, lobsters – before finally getting JD and then never looking at any other pet again). Lesser-known fact: Pet freshwater lobsters have a very bad habit of escaping the tank. We found a couple dried up behind the sofas and such because they would climb out and crawl everywhere and eventually die when they dried out. Still, I could not watch when he ate the one in the pic. <cringe>

Bragging rights…

This is Rockstar showing off eating a sea snail. He insisted I take a (tiny) bite before he tried it, but then decided he actually liked eating them and finished the lot (I would not, though it tastes like squid)Does it not look gross? That’s the whole point. I’m supposed to show this pic to any schoolmates at drop-off when school reopens, if they don’t believe he ate a sea snail. Ugh. Boys.

Fake Bleahhh….

This is Rockstar pretending to feel yucked out from eating the snail… As you can see behind him, the entire place is packed. This is where locals/ not-quite-locals go then, on Christmas Day – when they want to avoid the hoards of Mainland tourists.

We had the same idea (as the people crowding Stanley) – we originally wanted to eat at the Disney Hotels, but Kings had the foresight to call beforehand. The person on the other end discouraged us from coming (God bless them! We live here, we can go when the tourists are gone!), saying the entire hotel was insanely packed and chaotic. I kinda hope (and think) Chinese New Year won’t be like this, but since most Mainlanders don’t celebrate Christmas Christmas, it’s a holiday to be out and about. So we were Where Would The Mainland Tourists Not Be? Quickly rule out Ocean Park which’ll probably be like Disney. Lazy to schlepp to Sai Kung (about one hour’s drive there and another back to our home).

And that was how we ended up at The Boat House in Stanley (where Rockstar met sea snail). With the sun and the dining out, it feels like we’re in Aussieland or something – except it’s still crowded and well you’ve got Hongkies plus umpteen different nationalities of expats who’ve all made HK their home….

Leaving the crowded sidewalk restaurants

It was semi-busy (by crowded HK restaurant standards – it’s already way busier than what we’re used to when we spend Christmas in Australia or San Francisco) when we arrived before 1pm; by the time we’re ready to leave at 2.30pm there’s a queue for tables and there are more and more people crowding into the street.

I stop by the market to buy a pair of jeans (HKD 108 – it was Christmas, I didn’t bargain!) and a long-sleeved rugby shirt (HKD 59). Friendly old local guy. You wouldn’t have thought it’s Christmas day, all the stalls are open and bustling (well, it is HK).

At another stall, a third sweater is a little small for Rockstar and since it’s a market find I’m worried about shrinkage and request a larger size. With one eye on Rockstar running about in circles, I notice the young woman tug hard at the sweater. Swiftly she holds the taut sweater up to Rockstar’s shoulders, then briskly packs it away into those standard little black plastic bags they use in the market, with another sweater I’ve chosen (which was HKD 118). She asks me for HKD 236 – for the 2 sweaters.

“The one in the bag is the same size (as the one I just rejected), isn’t it? Can I see it again please?”

“Erm, not really (the same size), see this one is longer.” Seriously – the difference in length is barely half a cm.

“It’s still not big enough. May I have something bigger?”

Reluctantly she says she has nothing else so I pay HKD 118 for the one that fits. Cheerfully, she gives me my change and wishes me a Merry Christmas.

Well, it is HK.

Posted in Rockstar Shopping, Traveling With Rockstar | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Not A Turkey In Sight…

When all the restaurants were festive and booked solid and even our regular brunch place was a hive of activity with green and red tablecloths, party hats, confetti, streamers and favors laid out (we were politely kicked out eventually so they could get ready for the party), here’s what we had for Christmas Eve dinner last night:

Rockstar wanted bow pasta and chicken satay (horning in on my mushroom tortellini), plus that orange crab roe they sell in the supermarkets for making sushi. (After I took the pic I realize he’d already swiped the crab roe and was eating it as a starter out in the living room.)

I of course had the mushroom and cheese-stuffed pasta, with more aperifrais cheese (pasteurized milk – hah!) but couldn’t find any pasteurized caviar from Great supermarket or I would’ve had that too with organic blue corn chips (also the proper crackers but Rockstar and I wanted something blue).

Kings wanted chicken curry and biryani rice with a side of minced pork.

So we all got to eat what we wanted to eat. It’s Christmas! What, we have to have turkey and pudding and all the sweets when we feel like having something else? We might eat the Christmas food to be polite and festive if we’re with others, but otherwise….. 😀 Love, love, love our own family tradition. AND we all agreed on the fruit “bowl”. See? Festive! (But seriously, what were we going to do with Christmas sweets, we are not big “sweets” people, especially right now I don’t have a thing for sweet things at all, we could buy it to be festive, but then who was going to eat it…)

And then we watched Freakonomics the Movie on DVD.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56k1xVAq290]

Ok, off to church!

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A Very Rockstar Christmas

From Rockstar’s school daily communications diary (before breaking for the hols):

“Your child has created a letter to Santa this week at Kindergarten. They believe that this letter is being sent to the North Pole (where Santa lives). We are sending this letter home so that you can have some insight into your child’s wishes. Merry Christmas.”

(Honestly, I was all Awwwwww, HOW freaking cool and thoughtful!)

Rockstar and Goodie Bag - Everyone was in Christmas Party Clothes at school that day...

Rockstar came home with a “Xmas goodie bag” of Christmas-related arts and crafts like Santa palm-print paintings, paper-mache-and-glitter-paint ornaments for our Christmas tree (there were ornaments all around the school too), a candy cane and several candies, Xmas cards from staff and other classmates.

This is him being picked up with his goodie bag from the school Christmas party (which included an informal Sing-along in the school playground that was just packed with parents with all the arms straining to hold their cameras high enough to get good shots like it was an Eminem concert – the only thing missing were the young girls seated on boyfriends’ shoulders lifting their shirts (fine, also Eminem. Boy, you guys are anal). Well of course everyone wants to see their rockstars sing! And that was also the first time I ever heard a Putonghua Christmas song either <sheepish>).

I did manage to get some videos and pics for Kings, in Indonesia at the time, to watch – by running up and down looking for a spot with which to sneak a few shots and a wave at Rockstar (who sees me and very gravely waves back <relieved – how is it possible he can take a Christmas party and Sing-along so seriously? Because he thinks it’s also “schoolwork”>) –  but sorry, didn’t manage to get anything without other kids’ faces in it so better not put up 🙁

Well anyway Santa visited the Sing-along, and then of course the letter Rockstar has put into the school “post box” with enough “postage stamps” to reach the North Pole mysteriously and furtively turns up in his parent-teacher diary.

Oh look, he drew a wrapped parcel as his “Christmas present” – rather than the actual Christmas present. There’s irony in there somewhere…

However as I read it, it seems Rockstar has forgotten he mailed that in school a few hours ago. According to the note, he’s told Santa he wants a race car, though he does correct me, Super-duper race car.” There’s more, “He only brings you presents when you’re sleeping.”

Ok great. And how am I going to swing that when Rockstar is with me 24-7. Text Kings (a.k.a. accomplice). Then turn to Rockstar. “Daddy says he bumped into Santa in Jakarta, and he took the opportunity to drop off your Christmas present early – so Daddy will be bringing it home for Santa.” The Rockstar nods gravely. Acceptable.

“Uh… You don’t really believe in Santa, do you?”

“Hmm? What do you mean?”

“Do you think Santa is a bunch of guys in red suits at all the different malls and in school, or do you think it’s one guy who flies about everywhere at warp speed?”

<like I’m stupid> “There’s only one Santa, Mu-ummm.”

O-kay. The Rockstar believes in Santa. Glad we cleared that up.

MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL!

Posted in aileensml | 2 Comments

So What If It’s About The Money?

After the recent biannual Nuffnang blog awards, an Aussie mummy blogger I had previously not heard of pretty much vilified the winner of Most Influential Blog and Region’s Best Blog, Xiaxue, and Nuffnang for awarding her. Something about lousy writing but with 40,000 hits a day it had to be “only about money”. But comments on mummy blogger’s own blog, initially supportive, then turned ugly, especially after Xiaxue’s So Many Angry Australians post – mummy blogger started getting comments how she’d probably done the hate post for traffic, she’s a mother how can she do that, sore loser who can’t make money from her blog bla bla bla until she disabled her comment function. Like, 349 comments later. (Well, not all 349 were bad…)

Now, I have a Nuffnang widget on my blog, but I actually didn’t manage to do many sponsored posts for Nuffnang events except for I think an SPCA one, mostly because I’M LAZY. I quit my original job to spend time with Rockstar and so God forbid something else took me away from him <sheepish – I’ve “only” been at home over a year and a half, and Rockstar’s already 4 and gonna be away even more hours at school soon – basically I can never get back his early years so sometimes I “over-compensate”>.

My “attitude” then got worse when, newly pregnant, I started puking my guts out. And when I caught a cough/ cold which could’ve easily been wiped out by Decolgen from Watson’s but for one teeny thing. After too many nights of coughing my lungs out, desperate and contemplating a life devoid of several innards, I turned to the internet – and what I read just filled me with hatred:

Unknown people on pseudonyms with “Dr- something” would callously say things like “as with all medication, the benefits to the mother have to be weighed against the detriment to the baby.” Doesn’t this just make you want to pummel them into the ground – like it isn’t bad enough you feel crap and they don’t, they have to post their drivel from what I imagine must be a nice quiet beach resort (with good wifi!), while being served alcoholic (Hate them!) drinks with little umbrellas sticking out of them – and make you feel like you’re sacrificing the health of your baby for your own comfort?

(I hate them, I hate them, I hate them. It’s their stupid fault I feel like crap and can’t bring myself to take any drugs to fix it. Even after our family GP said Piriton is probably the safest if you have to take something…. BUT….. of course try not to… Seriously – SHUT UP. “Piriton is probably the safest -” THEN SHUT UP. So anyway not going out anywhere anyone might sneeze. That should solve it. Buahaha.)

Ok sorry got distracted. Oh btw this is Xiaxue:

Actually no, sorry. That’s her pet bunny. She is sick. Shame on her. Bunnies have self esteem too. This one got so upset it fell asleep during a costume change.

Okok this is Xiaxue:

Some random pic I took off her blog along with the bunny one, I think she was endorsing a Nokia phone………. Shame on her? I think she mentioned that an advertorial she writes is like, SGD 1,800 (though she was fighting with some guy and his fake girlfriend on Twitter at the time so who knows. But still… don’t you think ka-ching?) Well certainly Dooce makes a bundle, New York Times ran an article about blogging money ages ago (you can see how well I paid attention.)

In case you’re wondering why I put those pics up it’s because it’s a good visual. You wouldn’t think that pink hair sells phones. Or that pictures of bunnies win awards. But, newsflash. I’ve always thought she was extremely smart, the way she’s driven traffic to her blog and made a career of it. She is an entertainer. Maybe not one to do with Shakespeare, but awardable stuff comes in various forms.

(But since I brought up Shakespeare – did anyone notice some of his stuff is actually quite R-rated? Hamlet had a thing for his mother (Oedipal guilt is to Hamlet like Shakespeare is to English Literature). And today school kids study the stuff. See, Shakespeare wrote to entertain too. And sex and social no-nos were entertaining, even back in the day.)

Anyway, in Aussie mummy blogger v Xiaxue, AMB said, “Nuffnang, it really is only about money, isn’t it?” and then Xiaxue passionately defended Nuffnang (though I didn’t quite find a rhetoric) saying her win shouldn’t be an excuse to attack the company.

Finally, I got to my point: From the start I didn’t see what was wrong with it being about money and why people got so upset about that. (Fine, “only” about the money may be a little worse). But I don’t see any shame in it being about money. People write for different reasons. Confessions of a Shopaholic is not exactly Shakespeare either (and btw I follow the Shopaholic series because the author was once a banker/ financial advisor.)

Here’s the thing: Nuffnang’s, among others, a blog advertising company. Why wouldn’t it be about money and crazy fans? That is their rice bowl. They have bills to pay. They have paychecks to write. (If they hid the fact they were about making money from advertising, then ok, that’s another story.) It’s a free world, by all means condemn them if you must. But. You don’t get to secretly want what their top bloggers have. (Well I suppose you could, but I don’t know how you reconcile that with your whole reviling of it being about money thing.)

We are all material girls. Or guys. We would love to see our kids running around in a palace with their own pool and private lessons. We all have bills to pay. We hope for a job we love with no a-hole colleagues and bosses. It’s our pricing point that differs: What you would or wouldn’t do for money. What you would or wouldn’t say for money. And how much of it. 

Some people would lie or kill someone in the office just for the pleasure of watching them die so let’s put their “price level” at a dollar. A HKD. For others you’d have to kidnap their kids for a USD 5mil ransom. It’s. Still. A. Price. It is never easy to accept God giveth, God taketh away. It’s what makes us human. It’s what makes Abraham’s readiness to sacrifice Isaac so extraordinary it’s immortalized for centuries in perhaps the biggest best-seller of all time.

On one of those documentaries about the financial crises, I vaguely remember something like an estimated third of the more brilliant regulators ended up getting hired by the investment banks (what, this is our unwind tv over dinner – fine, if it really bothers you I’ll dig up the DVD and check the exact statistic). It’s just another way the world is broken – As long as it pays more to be a crook than a regulator, you will get first rate crooks and second rate regulators. Which is why of course now the solution is to make it too “expensive” to be a crook. But, I digress…

As for what sells, some writings are praised. Others are read. Which do you think advertisers pay for?

At dinner parties when we met new people, it sometimes amused them that I described one of my old job responsibilities as “giving guys with Kings’ job a hard time.” (It’s why we avoided each other in the markets haha not good for the marriage.) Part of my job used to be to make sure my i-bank sales counterpart could not take too much spread (ie profit) when they dealt with me. For every investment risk there is a corresponding return on your investment, as priced in by market conditions at the time. The problem when too much spread is taken out, is that you are left with an investment product that carries the same risk, but for a diminished return – the return is less commensurate. More than that, if I want to recommend the client roll the money into something else, it’s harder for me to get a good unwind price since the product has to work that much harder to get past an elephant bid-offer spread.

(I should probably not leave that hanging though this is just getting loooong – The “honorable i-banker solution” for want of a better phrase and un-raging pregnancy hormones is of course to come up with opportunistic products that take advantage of current market conditions with the view the market will move in the client’s favor after the trade – thereby making up for any elephant spread you aspired to take out of the derivative structure. A simple example would be to identify that say, futures of a particular underlying asset class are pricing something very different from what historically the asset class always trades at and see if the price (and therefore hedge) can be put to something useful for all.

The problem is greed and stupidity – every i-banker wants to take a spread but not every i-banker is smart enough to come up with an actual derivative product that takes advantage of market conditions to allow it to be done “responsibly.” They settle for just being able to get away with a spread. Pile on complication in the structure so the pricing is less transparent.

Anyway. It’s why I didn’t let the i-bank sales covering me take too much spread. Better stop. I blather on about “responsible sale of derivatives” in this market and someone’s gonna go “Har har har and I suppose you also believe in Santa.”)

BUT.

I learned that if my I-bank Sales didn’t make enough for the trade to be worthwhile to them, they wouldn’t do it. Or my RM/ RM’s client would get crappy service. When there’s a new market opportunity, we would not be the first private bank they call, they’d give it to someone else. I wouldn’t even have a trade. You have to pay for stuff. They might be the nicest people in the world who would love to, but they still can’t do it for you for free. They’d get fired. Then I’d be stuck with their replacements who’d probably be sharks. That’s the way the world is. So why so hot and bothered – because people didn’t try harder to pretend it wasn’t about money? It’s the hypocrites that I would’ve thought you should watch out for. I like how Dooce.com put it:

“Last night……..we sat around the table and talked about our days. …..not because we love our children and want them to have warm memories. No. We do this so that I can write about it here and exploit the idea of parenthood for cash! Whee!”

But that said, it doesn’t mean you can’t try to make the world a better place. After you pay the bills to keep the power on. This is why on the plane they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before attempting to help anyone else. You’re in no position to help anyone else if you can’t take care of yourself. Wouldn’t you like to change the world the Bill Gates way?

Well what’s a blog advertising universe equivalent of trying to contribute, how about training courses and mixers for bloggers to improve their content and traffic, promote community unity and what-not….. Have a bunch of bloggers write for a cause to raise awareness, the same way they would have written for an advertising client, except for free? Oh wait, I think Nuffnang already does that?

Ok, so what more do you want, demanding people not be as money motivated or self-serving can also be asking to be lied to. People are gonna be that way whether they admit it or not.

Think it shouldn’t have been about money/ crazy passionate fans taking the time to vote over and over (I suppose advertisers must surely love that dedication though)? Think the finer points of blogging without selling should be the ones really encouraged? I think it’s very admirable. I would certainly strive for an award from something like that. Just one question:

Who’s going to pay for it?

Ask Santa?

(I’m aware there are non-profit sites who set up to catalogue and provide commentary on blogs, and I guess encourage the finer points of blogging. What they’re doing is admirable. But I also think without the money element, it’s tough to keep up. Some of the blogs they’ve favorably rated…. had like, 2 or 3 entries for the year and mostly newborn baby pics. The number of blogs that sprout up every day is massive. The number that go inactive, veer in a completely different direction etc, lagi massive. Where are you going to find the time for that, especially if you still need to get paid at your real job? For the recent Nuffnang awards, I heard the number of entries numbered in the tens of thousands. Who’s going to happily read and coordinate judging and yes, pay for the finalists’ air tickets and accommodation and the dinner and………….)

Ps: I’ve said it a few times on the blog, but anyway here goes again – Kings at one point had a pet project to build his own blogging platform. It’s how I started blogging. Money-wise I had reached a point where, given a certain level of savings, the cost of Rockstar growing up raised (poorly) by various helpers was far greater than any additional money benefit I could make at my job. 

Like it or not, we place a “price” on “everything”. Would I like to make tons of my money off my blog one day? Sure. But never, ever at the price of raising my child the best way I aspire to. That means NOT writing certain controversial things that I know would possibly shoot my traffic through the roof in terms of Hk readership – but at the expense of my family’s well-being. In fact, I prefer not to have HK readership (but well if wishing made it so). 

That is the real reason I linked my blog to Xiaxue’s. Hers is a reminder of what my blog is not, should not, can never be. (But darn, who doesn’t love a cute bunny?) She attracts some very visceral haters. (Who doesn’t love a cute bunny?!) Her notoriety has cost her some freedom in the way she makes her choices. Hence what I call the Paradox of the Mummy Blog. I believe you can’t do a lot of the things other blogs can, if you’re writing about your kids.

(Though Dooce is doing super well, still, not without occupational hazards – she got fired from her job, not to mention her family had huge problems with what she’d written about her faith). Too bad that’s what I wanna write about. It’s still something for the Rockstar. Thank God for now we are blessed enough for me to have that choice. 

Then Kings invested in the new Nuffnang HK/ China. I’d rather disclose this than not. Just as if I needed the money I’d go for more blogging events and say so. (On another note, it’s why I keep a large chunk of my own savings in cash and buy a more volatile asset class with just 20% of the cash to make up for crappy rates… Volatile Asset’s appreciation has been something like 120%, yes more than double, so it helps me accept crappy interest rates… If you asked us how we’d do it all differently, I’d say equity flow derivatives or the outright stock market.)

Kings’ investment means I can’t seriously compete for the much-talked-about Nuffnang Asia Pacific Blog Awards to begin with. I could never win it, even if I could actually win it. (i.e. people would talk.) (Though I was happy to be nominated because I wondered where the blog stood among the thousands of others – and one can always hope for a cool widget to prettify one’s own blog :P)

So, Nuffnang: You guys should make more cool widgets <self-righteous sniff>

My work here is done.

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Rockstarism #180 – The Name Game

Rockstar: Mum. I think you should name the baby “poop”. Hee Hee Hee.

Me: How would you like it if I named you “poop”?

Rockstar: <still laughing> It’s funny! How about “Car”? How about “Tree”?

I continue to ignore him. Though I know at least 2 people named “Milk.” Also “Lemon” and “Wind.”

Rockstar: <seriously> I think you should name the baby Samuel.

Me: Why, where did you get that?

Rockstar: One of my friends in Putonghua class is called Samuel. It’s a really cool name. 

Me: Uh, we don’t even know if it’s a boy or girl. (I text Kings, though) .……Daddy says there was a guy he didn’t like with that name when he went to school.

Rockstar: Oh. <innocently> So then how about “poop”?

Still ignore him. Then later when I have a moment, I watch his face…

Me: You weren’t serious about “poop,” were you?

Rockstar: <pause> Nnnnaaahhhhh. It was just funny. “Red nosed reindeer”? “Signpost”? “Worm”? “Mr Happy”? Heee.

 

This could go on for awhile…..

 

Random pic - It is important to Kings that the Rockstar remembers his dad's kampung boy roots. Tree climbing - very important, apparently. But I think that looks more like a koala bear impersonation...

PS: It recently occurred to us I got pregnant while we were in Adelaide, Australia. The day we were at Lyndoch Lavender Farm I got really light-headed and dizzy in the fields and had to sit for awhile, figured it was the tea… So I was thinking of some cool place we’d visited in Adelaide that we might use for a name, except we have’t come up with anything yet… My mum already named her border collie Adeline (or was it Angeline :P)

 

 

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