One of those moments when you think OMG!! I Love Em To Bits!! I Want To Capture This Moment For When They Start Screaming At Each Other Over Who Gets The Family Car This Weekend! (Okla, not likely – there are 4.5 years between them)
Rockstar is not a very touchy-feely child (in fact he gets very uncomfortable when well-meaning parents ask their kids to come over and give him a hug), and so he’s settled himself at a comfortable (to him) distance from the baby, as he reads National Geographic Weird Facts to her. Ms Rockstar has other ideas. (Where her hand is in first pic is the giveaway…)
Note the baby rolling and inching closer to him (and note Rockstar’s super-serious “reading look” throughout)…
(After that she fell over so I put her back up on the pillow)
And then she started again… (I really love her hand there)… Rockstar’s still reading seriously…
(But then I had to tell Mr Anal shirt-grabbing is fine at 5-and-a-half months old…)
Made it! Yippee!
(Houston, we have landed. Note baby’s contented face)
“She ain’t heavy, she’s ma baby (sister)”
“Now, what was the book about?”
Other interesting (well, kind of) fact: Ms Rockstar is rarely asleep when Rockstar comes home from school. No matter what time we put her down for a nap, she wakes just before/ just after her idol comes home, and is impossible to put back to sleep til after she’s had a Rockstar fix…
I debated whether to link (2), with the language, the issue debate… Btw besides being for fairly interesting stuff, the Friday posts were meant for The Rockstars to someday see what had been “trending” during our time… Well it’s a topic of hot discussion in some parts of the world today (not to mention I have openly gay friends and ex-colleagues and used to love the darling baby outfits this guy put together for me in one of the Jacadi stores), so……
2) Gay Men Threaten To Marry Your Girlfriends If You Don’t Let Them Marry Each Other – “We’re the shoulder your girlfriend cries on when she’s complaining about – ahem – you.” Wildly popular video by humor site CollegeHumor. Watch out, straight men – better cooks, better dressers – sorry to break it to you but it’s – ahem – true.
(Not that I advocate everything in the video – I’m for tolerance, not promiscuity…).
pic from laughingsquid.com
On an aside, I do get (polite, respectful) emails asking for eg when I occasionally used “he” in reference to Ms Rockstar’s future partner – whether I was expressing a preference. Yes people do really pick these up and ask sincerely, curiously. Which warrants a (similarly polite and respectful :)) reply. Kings’ “Gay-dar” however will always be better than mine because one of his housemates out of college was gay.
Anyway, at bottom of link above is also a photo gallery of Political Bloopers – President Obama quipping “That’s alright, you all know who I am,” when the presidential seal falls off the podium, Vice President Joe Biden apparently falling asleep during one the President’s speeches, and George Bush’s 2005 visit to Beijing:
Where, after wrestling for a few moments with locked doors when he went the wrong way exiting the stage, he quipped, “I was trying to escape. Obviously it didn’t work.”
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But what I really wanted to put here was this quote from the author of Why Romney Lost: “The key message I hope readers will understand: conservatism must modernize. Modernization is not an abandonment of the conservative message; modernization is the only way conservatism can survive.”
4) Dogs who like architecture, here’s a site for you.
I put this up just so I could say this was by Atelier Bow Wow.
(But I beg the question anyway – What for?)
5) I especially like this one though – 20 classroom portraits from around the world. (Haha and there’s even an ad for IXL, the program Rockstar does his school math practice on, on the page…)
Class studying Classical Japanese - but are those Grade 5s studying it at night?
Possible title: “Where Children Learn.” After the thought-provoking, eye-opening Where Children Sleep.
This one’s cute – girls wear red, boys wear blue, and they’re BYOD (bring your own dog).
Before he leaves for Putonghua class after school…
Rockstar: Mum. I hate Chai-nese.
Me: The subject, or your (tuition) class?
Rockstar: <thinks for mom> The subject. I hate it, it’s so……. hard to learn. (probably because he has to do more reading/ writing now)
Me: Oh, that I can’t do much about, if you hated the tuition class I might still try to make small adjustments.
Rockstar: Oh yeah yeah yeah change my class too.
Me: You just said it’s actually the subject you don’t like, and anyway you made me put you in a class (instead of with a personal tutor) so you wouldn’t be so bored, you could make some new friends.
Rockstar: <gloomily> Now I don’t like anyone in the class.
Me: <bit worried> What? Why?? Last time you were always talking about this or that friend, and The Little Miss Twins (at one point there were identical twin girls attending, much to his amusement)…
Rockstar: I don’t like them anymore! Now I realize they’re quite… naughty! <nodding convincingly>
Me: ?! What do you mean?
Rockstar: They all speak Chai-nese!! <This Is Terrible expression>
Me: It’s a freaking Chinese class!!!
Rockstar: But they even speak Chai-nese when they don’t need to speak Chai-nese!! They speak Chai-nese all. The. Time!!
(I have to not laugh out loud at the way my not-yet-5yr-old is saying it, all Get Me Outta Here I’m Surrounded By Fruitcakes. But to be fair, he doesn’t complain much about the school chinese lessons where apparently some of the explanation is still done in English. Also, he appears to like some of the Putonghua-speaking mums who volunteer in that department..)
Me: You’re speaking English when you’re not supposed to be speaking English. Don’t you think maybe some of them think you’re naughty for speaking in English in that class? And I suppose you’re the only one speaking any English there?
Rockstars: <snorts, then schools himself into more serious expression> Mum. I really hate learning it. Do I have to?
Me: Sorry darling, but yes. I agree it’s hard, I find it a very hard subject too. Back in the day it wasn’t seen as that important where Mummy went to school, and so she didn’t try to learn til she was much older. Then when she finally tried it was much, much harder than you’re finding it now and Mummy gave up a few times. But you know what?
Rockstar: What?
Me: I really regretted it. You want a good job, right? (Standing agreement with Rockstar – he can’t wait to grow up and get some Big Important Grownup Job so I told him he has to do well in school to get what he wants. “They don’t give the big responsibilities to the people they don’t think will do a good job, right? You wouldn’t, would you?”)
Me: When I came out here to work it was very hard at first. Mummy had to work much harder to make up for her lack of command of the Chinese language. (Try covering Northasia RMs when you are illiterate in Chinese and have only very rudimentary Cantonese – I literally had to tell some of my mildly irritated RMs holding Chinese language investment product term sheets Then I’ll Try Harder To Make You More Money To Make Up For The Discomfort Of Having To Have Discussions Partially In English)…
Me: Daddy and I insist you learn Chinese because we don’t want you to quit now when it’s still easier to learn, and then find you really need it for work one day and struggle even more to pick it up when you’re older. (I’m not kidding, Rockstar really listens gravely through the whole soliloquy and nods at the end.)
Rockstar: <very grudgingly> O-kay. <like he’s pronouncing an important verdict> But if there’s an easier way I want it to be easier.
Sigh, don’t we all?
Random pic of him before lessons he DOES like...
Ps: For the record though, mum friends have told me he will respond to them in Chinese if they casually (and unexpectedly haha) speak to him in Chinese…
This for Mun:
Some I really cannot tell left or right, but if I look for others then I can see punctuation marks on the right (i.e. it’s left to right).. PLEASE tell me that is simplified Chinese because otherwise I’m the biggest dunce – Kings recruited Rockstar’s original tutor and told me she is doing simplified and I simply took his word for it ages ago
Was lucky enough to be around on a day when Rockstar’s class had part of their lesson about plants and growing things in the school garden plot (which I would otherwise have never known existed – I remember local ex colleagues once telling me they really felt the lack of green/ nature education, living in a city – and how the few botanical gardens that dot the city were just visited to death in major trips, some schools being far from the few gardens in HK, there are not enough green attractions to go around.)
So it was nice to see the little garden next door… (And then belatedly I re-read last week’s school email and realized I was supposed to be sending Rockstar to school with a few coins this week because the kids are saving up in their group money boxes to learn about HK currency (online math homework in preparation) and buy plants in the nursery too!! <mad scramble>)
Making our way up to the Growing Garden
Lots of hands going up, as Rockstar’s classmates show off what they’ve learnt about plant life, explain what photosynthesis is… Rockstar somehow decided to raise his hand and say something about what happens if you touch stinging nettles (??!!) Vaguely remember we’d happen to come across that before, how those plants sting, can’t remember why 😀 Oops, I don’t suppose a school garden plot is going to grow things like poison ivy haha but well, he’s also come home previously describing stamen, pollination… Anyway Rockstar looked so happy out, really enjoying the lesson…
Rockstar navigating around one of the plots
The kids settle on some ground sheets laid out among the plots to listen to a reading about trees, the environment, learn how the plants give off Oxygen…
No papayas were harmed in the course of this visit (I realize later Rockstar seemed to ignore this pretty tree and remember belatedly he rarely comes across a papaya he likes to eat)
…observe papaya flowers and fruit, mint, carrot greens (how the orange part is in the soil because it is actually the root), and just a nice outdoor lesson sitting around the plot on a nice day outside, with the faint scent of…. I don’t know what that is – fennel? as they describe the various parts of the plants around them…
<sheepish> Is Dis Fennel?
And then back down they go in orderly fashion, lining up in twos and keeping close to the wall as they walk along the kerb back into the school building with the road on the other side…
Back to class...
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Ps: I hate how lotsa cars whizz past school roads here, it was nice to see repeated reminder emails (including one so parents remembered to brief helpers not to let the kids run if they were doing the dropping off in school) plus that Road Safety Trip recently…
Pps: Some of the kids are in Diwali fashions to celebrate their festival of lights… Rockstar came back with a paper Diwali “candle” he’d made the day before, there is a Happy Diwali announcement over the PA system (on rainy days also a reminder for the children to remember safety precautions, use the handrails and be very careful on the wet floors, among others) – and I even notice a blonde bob (I think it was) topping an elaborate festive Diwali outfit, among the sea of children going to class that morning…
So as mentioned to Mun, I’d left out one bit (because it made the original telling long and waffly) in the original narration. That bit was that when Rockstar first came home from school disappointed at missing his friend’s delight in his birthday gift, he’d been snapping at me, as I got him ready for Putonghua class (which he also hates.)
I had of course told him off for being rude, and he’d eventually apologized, I left that out because I thought I would also have to clarify that my whole pretending Friend’s Mum had dropped by with a bag of thank you candy etc was not because I felt bad about snapping at him – he totally deserved it. I did Candy Thank You after I cooled down because I knew he was hurting (re Friend, not re me). Still…
“You get so frustrated…. You know they aren’t doing (it) on purpose, but the irrational part of your brain is like why are you doing this to me when you know how much I love you?”
Rockstar snaps at me the worst, of anyone, and it is embarrassing to admit. And that’s what this post is really about. He does it probably because I’m “always” there, and because he considers it my job to be there and sort things out at home.
So Don’t Always Be There?
Don’t think I haven’t considered it. Certainly I find other interests so I don’t get too hurt – because that would affect my ability to parent effectively, ironically. But as an aside that is maybe a little off point, I wouldn’t deliberately not always be there.
That kinda stuff touches a raw nerve because of my and some close to me’s experiences – sometimes it’s like you can see a person clearly being jerked around (I believe the term is “emotional blackmail,”) yet can never tell them because it’s too touchy, so here it is on the blog: I HATE PEOPLE WHO DO THIS TO THEIR KIDS.
Sorry for the digression – I don’t mean the having-their-own-life-not-always-being-there bit – I mean the withholding love bit. I just happened to think about it after Not Always Being There. There must be a chapter devoted to this in a tiger parenting manual somewhere. Withholding love, building insecurity (will I still be loved if I don’t perform?) is probably one of the “best” ways to get a child to perform. Or get whatever the hell it was you wanted out of them. “Your sibling is such a wonderful child, giving me (whatever the hell it is) I wanted…” “At least one of my children loves me…”
Here’s my problem with it: Christian author Gary Thomas said our best chance for our kids to turn out right is if there be no hypocrisy in the parenting. I don’t think anyone wants manipulative kids, so how do you justify resorting to manipulation to get what you want from them? If you resort to this, you don’t get to go nuts when they do it right back to you – where do you think they learnt it from?
If a consequence to my determination to not do that to mine means Rockstar takes me for granted, then it sucks, I asked for it, AND I will consider him privileged. By that unwritten rule that says we strive to give our children better than we ourselves received. “Privilege” shall be never knowing the insecurity I felt because back then it was relatively common practice before the term Tiger Parent became derogatory.
Manipulation, withholding love, may be more effective (especially short term when the child is younger) than anything I can come up with, but I’m not using it anyway. Because I’m still the grownup. I’m a big girl, I can accept some measure of being taken for granted (not that I take it lying down, don’t feel hurt, or don’t hammer him for it.)
On the other hand I wonder at the effect my manipulating or withholding love might have when The Rockstars are grown. Because of all those near and dear who have confided to me they feel awful after not “following (certain) traditions,” be they CNY or Thanksgiving, and then having the older generation make like they don’t love them, or that because a certain rigid tradition wasn’t followed they feel they are “no longer loved”…. Sorry, but – RUBBISH. (Did I mention how I hate emotional blackmail? Because then it pollutes everything – you never know, you never can trust, whether it is being done. That sucks.)
GIDYAP - the Rockstars horsing around
When The Rockstars are grown, I do not want them to dread “family traditions” or even say, my visits. Someday I don’t want them to breathe an (albeit guilty) sigh of relief when I leave their grownup homes. Nor do I want to have to resort to emotional blackmail to “get love” or really, attention, from my grownup kids (it’s uh, not really “love” anyway). So I’ll just start practicing not doing that now.
So instead, Rockstar and I lock horns, bang our heads together. (Wow, much better than emotional blackmail – yes you should read sarcasm in that). Yes sometimes it’s much harder work. Rockstar is “Rockstar” to begin with because of a very tough, determined personality. But well I can be a Type A too. It is still the best gift I can think of, that says “I Love You” – Try Harder To Get It Right. And not just for now, for later as well.
"Sayang" (love), by Ms Rockstar
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Ps: Two weeks home from hospital with Ms Rockstar and still on confinement, I started freelance writing bank correspondence and have been doing it since; that “dream job” (said without irony – a post for another time) is to say it’s not like I have zero life outside The Rockstars though they take up a very, very big part… Still I won’t deliberately disappear, though I certainly whine about Rockstar’s sense of entitlement…
Ms Rockstar had a 4 hour nap Sunday morning… Puts her in a better mood for a car ride so we jumped at the chance and went to get passport/ ID photos done… Much easier than ID photograph-ing Original Rockstar, it was a matter of minutes (including change-of-background-color time), perching her on a stool for the pics that took seconds.
(Bit blurry cos I didn't have time to get a disk reader to download the soft copy, took a cellphone pic instead)
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“Don’t let her smile so much, they won’t accept the pic,” said the lady in the photo shop… But I th-ink Ms Rockstar pulls through here:
Top (actually a cotton sweater set in a pink that I think suits her personality - most of the time anyway)by Petit Bateau
Regret I wasn’t fast enough to ask the lady to take the pic with the baby full out smiling anyway, even if we can’t use it I’d have loved a copy…!
From Rockstar’s school’s weekly email to support the kids’ learning about plant life…
“…We would like the children to bring in their favourite fruit to school to show the class on Monday. Please could the fruit be brought in to school whole. We will then cut or peel it in the classroom together during the course of the week to reveal the seeds inside….”
I’m thinking 30 Kids. There’s Going To Be A Lot Of Strawberries, Mangoes And Papayas. What Else Does Rockstar Like?
I have a funny thought and text Kings:
“Ryan has to bring a whole fruit to school on Monday so they can cut it open during class to examine the seeds. Should give him a durian. But then they would have to open in class with a parang…”
Durian pic I took earlier this year
(Yes that is a HKD 1,000 durian.)
Kings happily replies:
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“Yeah nice. Let’s do that. I don’t mind helping out.”
I don’t know which is funnier – that my husband (and this is not the first time) totally didn’t get that I was joking, or the thought of him on the carpet in the middle of Rockstar’s classroom earnestly hacking at a giant pong-y durian with a meat cleaver...
And no Rockstar is not bringing durian, I thought of Salak (snake fruit)…
Pic from fruitsinfo.com
…because of the interesting scaly skin you can peel, but it really isn’t his favorite (too acidic and sour) – so we’re trying to find Mangosteen over the weekend.
Pic from eatantioxidantjuice.com
The Mens often bond over the Queen of Fruits in the kitchen, with Rockstar perched on the counter.
Much younger Rockstar on kitchen counter but here he was making chocolate milk..
Anyway vaguely remember my mum saying nothing gets out that red juice if it stains your clothing, but I don’t know if that’s true, either The Mens are super careful <snort> or I didn’t notice the stains, or…
But at this writing still cannot find mangosteen…
Update: We found mangosteen at this stall in Wan Chai!
We are supposed to take their word for it dis is a raisin.
And I never liked pop tarts...
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3) Oh look, More Useless Crap To Fill Rockstar’s Head With, just in case no one notices he is Offspring Of Geeks. (No, not really, you can hang up on Child Welfare Services now.) But seriously, who knew paradoxes had names?
I like Kirk’s (for Captain Kirk, I suppose) Paradox:
When a person’s increasing number of Star Trek insignia tattoos leads to exponentially decreasing chances of ever being hired by NASA.
Oh hey, we haven’t taught Rockstar the word paradox yet! Why don’t we – no. Stop. Not even in jest, Aileen….
4) I like this one, Little People – A Tiny Street Project, because I get to pretend I have some profound (and vaguely obscure) thing to say about noticing the “little things.”
Like so.
Milligram here, milligram there, it adds up. There. Puh-ro-found.
5) Ok, here come the animals:
“Every animal responds differently to temperature changes, light, human presence and even sounds – some of them would feel better with the music on, while the other would get intimidated by it.”
Yes. Ok. Fine. Good. What I want to know is why the quote above is preceded by a picture of this chicken. (Also, what’s wrong with it, and is it catching <germ freak>? Ok la, cos it’s “dancing” at the bottom of this page.)
Bok bok bok.
Because every blog should have a picture of a featherless chicken. And headless bat.
Hello.
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A smiling ray…
Hee hee, you're cute.
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And this thing. (What is this thing?)
Whatever.
This reminds me of the time my dad mentioned an Orang Asli wedding dinner he attended where they served giant stuffed anteater.
And this reminds me it is the weekend. Have a good weekend.
If you try hard enough.
Y-eah. This is just gross.
Oh-oh <ahem> “Those that dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.”
Me: It’s Election Day in America today. Remember the Presidential Debates? Today the American people choose who they want to be the next president.
Rockstar: Yay! (Can’t imagine why. I suppose he means ‘cos it’s exciting, on CNBC)
Me: What yay, so you have an opinion?
Rockstar: The white guy (Romney)’s gonna win!
Me: I suppose you mean because of the debate, the way they were speaking during the debate.
Rockstar: Yeah.
Me: I thought you said if you knew more about the candidates beforehand the way they spoke in a debate would not change your mind?
Rockstar: <thinks seriously> Yeah. But I don’t think (a lot of) people do that.
Me: So you think the way a person speaks can unfortunately change people’s minds about them?
Rockstar: Yeah.
Me: So then you better pay attention to how you speak right?
Rockstar: <rolls eyes> Yeah, y-eeahhhh. Sigh. (Guess he saw that one coming haha he was Yeah-ing before I can finish)
<pause> <pointing at the green along the CNBC screen, which I have explained before means the Dow/ HSI/ whatever is trading up>
Rockstar: Hey Mum. Green. So why is (the election) good news?
(I just find it very funny when he does that, so tiny and so serious. Kings wanted to teach him some stuff to say about options and I was Like He Isn’t Nerd Enough Already 😀 But seriously – if it wasn’t long words like Heterochromia and Onomatopoeia, it would be Anything By Shaggy – it’s a party trick, kids can memorize anything right, another mummy blogger I love to read has boys who do Eminem, but we thought the long words were less likely to get him in trouble…!)
That evening, Rockstar comes home and I tell him who won…
Rockstar: Oh… he (Obama) won. Not the white guy?
I add that the stock markets and US Dollar were “all (in the) red” (i.e. selling off – I’ve told him before that markets sell off due to a lack of confidence, or bad news…)
Rockstar: <nodding seriously> Because no one can hear what he says. (Whichis a reference to when he brieflywatched one of the debates…)
Awhile ago, it was Rockstar’s favorite friend’s birthday. (Btw I have no say in how he picks ’em – that I can tell they are always boys with a car obsession – for awhile he near worshipped a little Spanish boy who could describe how car engines work when they burn petrol – pistons, spark plugs and all.)
Rockstar’s current favorites (having rejected for lofty title of Potential Best Friend someone with a predilection for Ninjago) are a boy who always comes to (Cantonese) music class in Lightning Mcqueen clothing (Rockstar approves!) and a schoolmate who apparently will drone on with him about the finer points of Disney Cars characters.
Maybe even the Probable Life Story Of The Space Angry Birds.
(As in, tied in with real facts – how in reality nothing could survive going through a black hole (made me google the Youtube documentaries, he has started learning about fact vs fiction in school. Though I’m not sure they had Angry Birds in mind :D) Nonetheless he only gets Angry Bird iPad games on his grandparents’ devices, his parents having “discovered” numerous glitches in downloading the game onto our own iPads… Rockstar does spend time on all the “hands-on” versions at home though…
YES I am recommending Angry Bird (“hands-on”). When Rockstar started some months back, he could barely stack two of those lightweight pieces of plastic. Now he can do this:
(He made me take a few pics with the instruction card. I would prefer to point out he is using my Sam Pickard tray from Lane Crawford Home. My trays are now velcro-ed to the walls because they occasionally serve as Angry Birds or Lego Holders.)
(Yes he really built that one himself. Obviously it took some time. A mum in Cantonese music class asked how his motor skills got that good “besides Lego,” because Lego is kind of the default, and then we want to say Angry Bird but people think we’re being funny…)
Anyway. Over catch-up text messages with Rockstar’s Friend’s Mum (who works part time AND has two other kids hence deterring playdates since yours truly also has Ms Rockstar), I happen to learn it will be the other boy’s birthday in (then) 36 hours. Rockstar gets very excited (have to say I’m mildly pleased he doesn’t even ask if there’s a party, and I carefully leave out that the reason I know his friend’s birthday is coming up is because Other Mum mentioned stopping by school with cake, among other errands; birthday cake is the only kind Rockstar loves.) The boys are not classmates, and Rockstar recently sheepishly mentioned he used to get himself in trouble repeatedly attempting to sneak over to his friend’s class:
Me: <aghast> Don’t tell me you tried that during lessons. You couldn’t find anyone in your own class to talk to?
Rockstar: <seriously, as usual> I was sitting there and (something interesting happened) and I really wanted to tell him.
Me: So you tried to go tell him right away?? How can you do that?!
Rockstar: I wait til everyone is busy and then try to get to the door.
Me: No, I mean – Never mind. Please tell me you don’t do that anymore.
Rockstar: Hee hee no.
Me: And how many times did you try that, may I ask?
Rockstar: Like, five.
Me: You tried to sneak out “like, five” times??!! No wonder people “got annoyed!” I’m surprised I didn’t end up getting a note about that!!
Rockstar: Well sometimes I was just thinking it…
So anyway it’s the day before De Day, Rockstar’s in school and I agree to let him pick – what else? a little Disney Cars gift for his friend after school (another thing I like about him, for all the Godfather-like memory for Who’s Done What Misdemeanor – he can go shopping for friends without wanting anything himself, and has been known to turn down offers if he doesn’t see anything he likes in the store – I once had to ask him to “just pick something you like a little,” when my uncle really wanted to get him something). However I then decide on a Disney Cars Character Encyclopedia (also a McQueen diecast car in the cover, that comes with) which has been my go-to gift to rave reviews. Only problem is the only place I know that has it is a bookstore in Elements, Kowloon.
So Ms Rockstar gets extra splash time in her blowup paddling pool which I always hope gets her down for a longer nap, and then I hop a cab. It’s ~HKD 150 cab fare each way (but with the nearby tunnel, just 12 minutes away if my helper calls me back because she’s awake). Friend’s Mum is delighted, and tells me/ Rockstar to expect Friend passing Rockstar some cake in class.
I’m thrilled. But…… I refrain from telling Rockstar. Just in case. Friend has 29 classmates to serve cake to. I think it’s a big ask to expect him to then go find Rockstar who is not in the same class, with cake. My son then misses Cake He Is Expecting From Favorite Friend In Whole World, he will be devastated.
Still, the whole day waiting for Rockstar to come home I’m awaiting a Mum! I Got Cake From My Friend! triumphant announcement in our doorway. I’m sorely disappointed to find a subdued Rockstar standing there. He describes gleefully anticipating handing his friend the paper bag with the book in it when he got to school, but then ends up watching through the window quietly as Friend and classmates open the bag in their own class to examine the “cool book with car in cover,” as he stood forgotten, outside the closed door. (Closed, I think he said, by one of Friend’s classmates). It hurts.
Thank God I Didn’t Tell Him About The Cake! On cue, my phone buzzes with a very apologetic message about missing Rockstar re cake. (Friend’s Mum has discovered it after school still in schoolbag.)
When Rockstar leaves for Putonghua class, I strap fussing baby into harness and start rummaging around the apartment for a bag, which I fill with candy and a stray paper fun mask. (Rockstar doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, only really going for candy or cake that are gifts – as a result, he hasn’t paid enough attention to my leftover Halloween candy for trick-or-treaters to discover my subterfuge.)
At some point I realize she's fallen asleep in harness during my rummaging
When Rockstar comes home, I’m waiting (sleeping baby still attached) with the bag, and tell him his friend’s mum dropped it off (plausible, they live very close by), as they hadn’t had a chance to properly thank him for the book he so thoughtfully delivered. Decide never to mention the cake. I have nothing that can make up for the “loss” of Favorite Friend Delivering Cake.
Ps: If you noticed a mild obsession with Rockstar finding happiness in a few solid friendships in school, you would be correct. I worry occasionally he has more than enough of both Kings and my “nerd genes,” and while Mr Gates did exceedingly well as King Nerd, Kings had his school bag chucked in a lake, back in the day.
Still, Rockstar’s friendships challenges are nothing, compared to what I will feel over Ms Rockstar’s friendships when she comes of school-going/bullying age. (Our family doctor just came out of a massive re-engineering to get his 8 year old back in her old school despite it now being way across the tunnel from their new home. She had been crying every night for two months.)
Me, I was a little older. I had already requested a seat change in class, which hadn’t helped. My mother later described how, when our parents were in the room, the ring-leader had said to the principal, “I’m the one you intended for disciplinary action because I’m the one of a different race.”
And that was before the age of Facebook. Twitter. Youtube. Cellphones.
In different streams and with the number of after school activities I had, I’d almost lost contact with A, who had been my best friend when we were in our lower teens. But when I exited the principal’s office that day, she was sitting outside waiting for me. She did the same at break times, or in between classes, whenever she could.
And suddenly, it was alright.
Thing is, that was 2 decades ago. And yet that’s what I remember.
