Parking Rockstar In Local Putonghua Oral Classes

Westwood mall... And next to it, the orange building is Belchers (yes really - a local once told me it's "Bel-Cheers"). We lived here 7 years ago when we first arrived, we would not live here again if we can help it - they have some of the most annoying, anal dog rules - muzzle your dog, the muzzle must be in a bright color so it is clearly visible, if your dog is panting (yes really) you must not have pulled the muzzle tight enough. When I finally snapped back that I would like to write in and check These Rules, may I have the security attendant's staff number to quote please? they left me alone forever more. I didn't even have to muzzle JD after that.. When we first came here, this gave me a very, bad first impression of Hong Kong - I felt that was bullying, when we were so new here.

So it’s the school hols and now most of our friends are travelling, while we are Hong Kong-bound. So for want of something to do (and Rockstar’s Putonghua nanny from China being indisposed*, thereby not being able to take him off my hands for a few hours several days a week so I can do other things like keep my sanity and not bark at him), I went looking for a “local”-ish Putonghua class for him to attend. “Local”-ish to us meaning frequented by locals because of Kings’ preoccupation every once in awhile that we live in Hongkieland and don’t speaka da language.

(It was quite hard for me coming to HK initially from Singapore to adjust… Though in the banks everyone can mostly understand your English (I conversed on email/ Bloomberg with say, Taiwan offices and so on rather than use the taped phone), I remember taking the early (Japan/ Aussie markets) shift on the desk and sometimes picking up the phone with “name of bank,” spoken “English” way rather than Canton-accented, and having the person on the other end mutter, “Kong Ying Mun wor,” (speaking English wor) and hanging up (!!). Because when they were nervous about hitting the markets, they still preferred Cantonese. (For eg, English multiples = hundreds of thousands, so you would say 1, 2, 3 hundred thousand; Canton = tens of thousands, eg 10, 20, 30 tens of thousands. In this case, my responsibility to adjust to the RM, but still… Even some of our more local dealing counterparts would get a lot more nervous if I hit them in English.)

Anyway. It always tickles me how much some locals I’ve met really value a command of the English language and for eg get very serious about entry into ESF (Which, fyi for non-HK readers, stands for English Schools Foundation) schools. Because English is our default, and Kings nags me fairly constantly about Rockstar’s lack of Canto – ie we are the other way around haha.

Colorful wall of canvases (I think they're done by like, 9 or 10 year olds) in one of the art places... Which makes me want to bring Rockstar for artjamming in Lan Kwai Fong one day...

I find local kids often seem to have quite a bit more erm, for want of a better way to describe it, “academic discipline” – art class, music class, phonics, kumon math/ writing, etcetcetc. (Fine, “drilling.”) While Rockstar’s school gives priority to English-speaking kids who can’t access the local (Canto I guess) education system (and I would kinda freak a little if they didn’t), some local parents/ ex-colleagues have told me they prize a command of the English language enough to deliberately speak only in English to their children (at their own slight discomfort since they are native Cantonese speakers) and call home during the work day so their roughly Rockstar-aged kids can practice proper English conversations. I briefly considered asking Kings to do the same (he is a native Hakka speaker, it is close enough to working (if slightly mispronounced) Putonghua) to improve Rockstar’s Chinese, but he says he feels “really weird” not speaking in English to Rockstar haha.

(Btw, this is maybe just our overreaction, because you can get so caught up in everyone emphasizing bilingual-ness here – ESF already has “Putonghua Day” with a Chinese Teacher taking each of the K2 classes once a week. Just that with us speaking only English at home, Rockstar will only try Chinese if he is absolutely certain you cannot understand him in English.)

Dance Academy window - but I took the pic early in the morning before they were open... Note feather boa and tutu; some mums have told me the chance to dress up is huge motivation for their little girls to do performances

I made a deliberately glass-half-full observation to Kings recently, that a few “drilled” local kids at school probably pulled up the curve some. Rockstar wouldn’t be totally left behind and could to some extent hold his own I hoped, since his first language by a mile is English anyway. I like the Goldilocks view – neither “too easy” nor “too hard” re a child’s position in class, ie I hope for Rockstar to neither be at the top nor bottom. Bottom for obvious reasons – I don’t want him to give up – but not at the top either, not at such a young age. I hope he remains constantly challenged (which will definitely happen, he is one of the absolute youngest in class and some of his older schoolmates are outstanding in their general knowledge, literacy, etc.) because I thought the idea of school was to learn, to be constantly improving, not simply strive to be up at the top.

Talking to Rockstar, I try to maintain (touch wood, so far with some success) that the chance to participate and keep up with all his older (sometimes to me scarily advanced) schoolmates is pretty good. I have a better chance of making him enjoy school and learning that way, than if he only finds pleasure (or my approval) when he’s at the top:

You don’t have to be at the top, you have to be constantly looking for a learning opportunity – and of course (at least some of) the older kids do it better, they’ve had that many more months to practice. But oh, in case you were wondering where that bar is – it’s right up there where some scarily advanced or drilled kid has raised said bar. (No sense pretending to Rockstar he’s “awesome at everything” he’s gonna find out he’s not at some point, no child ever is, but instead if he finds satisfaction and a sense of achievement in seeing his own improvement/ learning something new whatever that might be, the chances of him having awesome experiences and being happy regardless of class position are much higher. AND I’m not lying to him about where he stands. I want him to always know where the real bar is, in life.

Truth is, going to school with some of the scarily advanced, drilled kids sets Rockstar’s expectations of his own abilities higher than if he’d been the eldest and the best in most of the school stuff.

I got that from spending my teens training with a bunch of boys on a taekwondo team. Even by girl’s standards, I was not born naturally fit and strong. There were times during my teens when, to get out of phys-ed class (so I could study, during public exam years, because I just had too many extracurricular activities after school) I fell back on a semi-permanent MC. But training with the boys, it never occurred to me I might not be able to do 20 knuckle pushups like they did. (Though I did notice I got far more horrific bruises than they did when I sparred with them.) Then when I finally fought girls in the actual statewide taekwondo tournaments it was not quite as tough as I had thought it would be – because the boys had raised my expectations. When you take the training weights off is when you really fly.

Inside the mall, which has 1) our favorite Wellcome; 2) Playtown; 3) What looks like a dance academy for little kids and umpteen classes... And is that reindeer sporting a mustache?

So I walk into the first center I see and view the pricelist/ schedule: Putonghua conversation hkd 780 for 4 sessions, an hour each, up to 5 students in a class…. The receptionist is much more helpful (and takes down my suggestions about how to handle Rockstar) after I explain money is no object if they can get Rockstar to not tank his session because I will have more headache looking for somewhere else to park him this week. However, after the trial class (that Rockstar claims to enjoy because he really likes his classmates) she insists on only charging me the half-price rate that they normally charge for trials. (Possibly because Rockstar appears to not give them trouble… yet… But he doesn’t, if you don’t rub him the wrong way.) I try to sign Rockstar up for as many as I can for the week – because I need a few hours to myself 😛

There’s a notice reminding us to bring our children to the toilet before class, but still I’m asked if staff will be allowed to bring Rockstar to the toilet. At my puzzlement, the receptionist explains, “Some mums don’t like our staff to bring their children to the washroom, (indicating some helpers sitting in the tiny cramped waiting area) that’s why their helpers are sitting here (throughout the class), in case they need to go.”

(I didn’t really understand that, is it because the child will freak out, or because they think a trained (I assume) education professional doesn’t handle toilet cleanliness as well as their own helper, or…..? Well at the ESF school volunteer briefing I attended we were advised never to be alone with a child other than our own, make sure there was another grownup around, and as for the school toilets, preferably don’t even be alone with your own child in there in case another child comes in, get any of the school staff/ attendants to accompany you. In fact that was when I learned how careful to be with erm, “toilet ethics.”)

So it looks like Rockstar now has rather “expensive” Putonghua/ Cantonese “playdates.” There are Putonghua reading/ writing classes available too, but I’m not that fussed – we just wanted him to be able to speak some Chinese and make a few “really local” friends (just for a good mix of exposure, I thought).

As it turns out, virtually every little kid I saw coming out of the various classes was local and spoke predominantly Cantonese (which made Kings really happy)… As for Rockstar:

“Mum. Did you know H— and L— are twins! They have the same birthday and the same mummy! Just like Little Miss Twins!” (From the Mr Men/ Little Miss series… He’s friends with boy-girl twins at school but has never met twin girls.)

“H— speaks the best Chinese in the world! I asked her if she speaks Chinese at home, she said yes.”

“They can understand me in English, Mum. They speak English to their (helpers). But I speak the most English.” (Well, d-uh)

Excellent. It’s like Rockstar has Chinese playdates each day and I don’t even have to be there! Whether they really stick to Putonghua conversations or the kids revert to their native Cantonese, both suit Kings and I just fine, he can get the actual formal education from school.

*Ok I’ll come clean – Rockstar refused to cooperate with the Putonghua nanny. She’d rubbed him the wrong way by insisting on feeding him for several days – even with me, the Rockstar does not like being spoonfed without express permission. He will feed himself when he’s ready – and the longer you push him, the longer it takes.

I did warn the Chinese nanny not to do that several times because it would just make him decide to frustrate her til she quit (the Rockstar is a very determined child if he decides to make you vomit blood) but well, I guess that’s her default setting cos she simply could not stop herself from pushing and pushing rather than reasoning with him. And so, as expected, she soon went “I really can’t take your money, I can’t get him to do anything..” Sigh. How do you say I Told You So in Putonghua?

After I tell Rockstar he has succeeded in frightening away his Putonghua nanny:

Me: Well? Are you going to say anything?

Rockstar: <gravely, quietly> I’m sorry, Mum. I didn’t want to see her anymore.