Last night Rockstar and I had a fight. It was his fault. It is extremely inconsiderate of a 27-month old to have a meltdown simply because his father is not around to put lotion on him after his bath. (Early on, as a guilt-ridden working mum terrified her son would bond with our helper, I sought advice at water cooler small-talk sessions in the office. “Always have a ritual with him that your maid (ie helper – this is not an uppity thing, the vast majority of middle-classed families in Hong Kong employ “helpers”) is never allowed to handle” was one of the best pieces of advice I ever got. It’s Right Up There with “Always put on a little makeup / a bracelet / nice top even when you are at home and think no one will see you.” Because you’ll see you.
“I want Jie-Jie” (Chinese for big sister – it’s what he calls our helper). I freeze. Jie-jie who has never bathed him once in his 28 months. Jie-jie who never touched him once I came home from work – I can’t begin to describe the wranglings and deal-makings I’d done at work just so I’d be back for his nightly bath and story time. I would rather come in Sundays while Rockstar was napping, than (God forbid) miss a night-time ritual. My ex-colleagues knew this. Some milked it.
“I want (insert care-giver’s name)” should be a phrase we brainwash our children never to use. They should have weekly therapy sessions at playgroup. A child psychiatrist should swing the proverbial pendulum before their eyes with a “You……. Will NOT, repeat after me NOT, demand…. Your caregiver over your mummy…..” While they’re at it, they should throw in “You will not insist your mummy wears the baby pink top again. You will only insist on outfits your mummy looks supremely hot in, if they are not in season.” “You will hate candy.” “You will not head-butt the dog.”
“I WANT JIE-JIEEEEE!” reverberates around our apartment, snapping me out of it. I know he’s lying, so I call jie-jie over. The tantrum dissolves into a subduedand sulky “no” when jie-jie comes to take over the nightly ritual.
Battle won, but not the war – I wonder how long it’ll be before he discovers mummy would jump thru of hoops, scale tall buildings, sing like a canary on any otherwise taboo subject for a toddler, rather than hand him over to jie-jie.
