On the eve of our Melbourne trip Rockstar is still having diarrhea every 3 hours so I will feel free to steal shamelessly from Levitt and Dubner’s Freakonomics today. (I will also feel free to eat deep fried goat’s cheese in a “salad”, almond and dark cherry tart, and any other fatty foods I normally don’t crave, to make up for the past few nights’ interrupted sleep. When my poor toast-and-porridge-relegated toddler isn’t looking, of course.)
(No help from our helper, btw – in Hong Kong it’s the law to allow them at least 24 hours off every week, usually Sunday, and anyway we minimize her contact with our child – her primary role is to cook and clean.)
One of my closest Malaysian girlfriends living here will be choosing an Indian first name for her daughter. The baby girl will also get her Chinese family name, since her Brindian husband doesn’t have one.
Hmm… What if Rockstar were a girl and I picked an Indian name? (He had his legs crossed. We found out quite late he was a boy. Dr Liang Shuk Tak, also Cecilia Chung’s gynea (though we didn’t know for the longest time – she was just who my colleagues recommended and we loved her), doesn’t believe in ultrasounds that aren’t absolutely necessary and will brandish the scanning thing at you while she re-iterates “This is not a toy. You will not be using this to find out how cute your baby is.”)
You would not dare (God forbid such a faux pas) ask her about her famous patients.
Palavi Lai. Isharya Lai. Rihanna Lai? Damn. I never even considered a cool Southasian name back then. I try to be GlaMum off the tabloids toting the hottest accessory – the Asian baby – and I didn’t consider some name that would catapult him into showbiz. Welcome to the World Of What Happens when Aileen has too much caffeine. Blame the sleep deprivation.
Messrs Levitt and Dubner authoritatively declare: “What the …… data suggest is that an overwhelming number of parents use a name to signal their own expectations of how successful their children will be.”
They also suggest we don’t (in general) name our kids based on Hollywood. In a study of Californian names, they prove baby names in higher income families tend to trickle down to lower income groups within a few years and conclude “It isn’t the famous people who drive the name game. It’s the family a few blocks down with the bigger house and car.” They uh, haven’t been to Hong Kong.
Up until they turn 18 and can legally move out and change their name and stuff, a parent wields such power to potentially scar a childhood. (Look what I just tried to do on an Espresso). Bearing in mind there is someone out there who changed his name to Trout Fishing In America after the cult book (first name Trout), I concede kids have equal ability to do this all on their own.
Just think, you get a tattoo of your boyfriend’s name, break up, and – and – maybe your next boyfriend won’t know that was his name! Ingenius.
So… We live in Hong Kong and there be nothing Hongkies are good at, if not the Art of Creative Naming. After awhile I started finding it really cute – it’s its own brand of wit (below are all names of Asians living here):
Wind. My one-time hair-dresser. He’s tall and quite hot, btw. “Wind” because he does your hair, get it?
Monique is one of the brightest toddlers in Rockstar’s old playgroup.
Chloe – have met at least three toddlers, one of whom has a Taiwanese Mum (a good friend of mine) who really couldn’t care less about the brand. (Sacrilege. Adore Chloe. Just not sure it goes with “Lai”.)
Shannon. Once my choice if Rockstar had been a girl (but have OD-ed on too many Reuters conversations with a mum whose daughter goes by this name.)
Chanel is a stock broker I know. (Also Tiffany. And Cash.) Viva la consumerism.
Apple is a pretty, really, really cute receptionist. (Isn’t that also Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter’s name?)
Saffron and Sienna – two more of Rockstar’s classmates. (Sienna’s mum, who has 2 girls, was a little disappointed to learn Sienna Miller has a sister named Savannah, because she named Sienna’s older sister before she took such a liking to the British actress… I used to love her too, til I saw her flashing guests while dancing on a table at some party featured on Fashion TV.)
Hel-Lo, Chloe
(My girlfriends and I have a theory: the Chanel-jacket-with-jeans look loses some edge in your 30s. It’s either for the very young (and rich) or for the older set. Enter Chloe. I love you, cufflinks-for-buttons. Kiss.)
Rockstar lives dangerously after a nap…
My (now ex) colleagues compiled a List of Weird Names for Asians. To make the list, they had to be able to find the name in the bank database. And some of em put their own names on it too (do bear that in mind if there is derision in your amusement). Here’s a few more:
Lemon (both guy and girl)
Leather (girl)
Domy (girl)
Boris – popular one. One of em occasionally signed emails “Ball” (English translation for Cantonese “Bor” – cute right? He’s like, 45 years old.)
Chandler (guy)
Glorfin (guy – after an elf in Lord of the Rings)
Plato (guy – isn’t this at least a little cool if you’re in Sales?)
Wicky (guy – I remember the Gucci ties)
Adolf (guy)
Claude (guy – pronounced “Ah Claud”)
Cloud (girl)
Milk (girl)
Goldie (girl)
Pinkie (girl)
Bowie (girl)
Bimbo (girl – waitress wearing the nametag)
Oh, and there’s a years-old study that estimates some 3,500 China babies were named Olympics.
It’s not just Hong Kong, is it? Nicholas Cage has a son named Kal-El (after Superman). And of course everyone has probably seen the much-forwarded “Batman Suparman” Singapore ID card pic.
Victoria Beckham was on to something when she named one of her sons Brooklyn, after where he was conceived. But somehow Mong Kok or Kowloon doesn’t seem to have the same ring to it.
Anyway who am I to talk, I agreed to spend the rest of my life with someone named Kingston.
Kings didn’t use an English name til one of his bosses had so much problem remembering the Chinese one he asked my hub to “get an English name.” “You’re in Sales, after all.”” Kingston” is the actual name given him by his father, who named all 3 of his children with the word “King” featuring somewhere in their name.
