“Every time I step on the field, I know people are saying ‘that is David Beckham’s son’, and if I’m not as good as you, then I’m not good enough.” -son to dad.
Been absolutely ages since I did one-a these – write a themed linkie with views about what’s popular in the world today…
1) A little perspective for soccer dads… From Ultimate Soccer Dad: David Beckham’s son no longer wants to play soccer.
Also as an ode to the people I wish had stayed in the market (whom, if they read this, would say “Huh. Why you wish this on mee.” 😀 One of my most beloved seniors quit the industry while I was at a bank in Singapore, showing me the resignation letter he was about to submit to the bosses. I put it in the shredder. (So many people out there from 6-7 banks thanks to 3 mergers in my previous work lifetime – I have shredded one resignation letter so Yes, You Should Feel Special. 😉
My senior let me do it that time, but eventually reprinted a copy. His dad at the time was a very well-respected high-achieving securities trader/investor at another investment house, and so my senior told me he himself spent a lot of effort trying not to be one, despite a fair amount of natural talent in forex and equity trading – his is still the best, most effective reasoning I use for equity flow derivatives, years later in HK. And then he had to run as fast and as hard as he could in any other direction, because Beckham’s Son Phenomenon. “If you do well, people say it’s because of your dad. If you don’t do well, people say……………….. <trails off> You can’t win.”
My senior had such a loyalty and integrity that was as tough as nails – the market is poorer, for his choice of another career path. Yet sometimes it can have very little to do with actual ability – technically if you’re high-achieving, your kids would likely be predisposed to inherit a little of it right, IQ is at least partially hereditary… However personality can play a much bigger role.
Some kids follow in their parents’ footsteps and are happy and fulfilled doing so… and then for other kids it’s like pulling teeth. And while nurture can do so much, it can only do so much. Some kids are naturally resilient to certain pressures. Some might not even see the social pressures that for others can be devastating.
Do you tell kids, growing up, their dad is Ultimate Soccer Dad? Or do you let them find out someday in the papers after they’re Awesome Soccer Newcomer? Social Media makes that choice nearly impossible, in some fields, today. For e.g., there is just no way you can grow up being David Beckham’s kid and not know it.
Nowadays, you have more articles about the additional pressures on the kids of high-achieving parents – not because the parents actually have unreasonable expectations, but simply because the parents are high-achieving. (In December 2015 when asked again about his son’s decision to quit soccer, David Beckham was quoted, “Part of me was devastated but part of me was relieved, too.”)
–
–
–
2) Know what Peter Buffet, son of Warren Buffet’s chosen career path is? Musician. Composer. (And of course also philanthropist 🙂
pic from amazon.com
Son of billionaire investor dad in Life Is What You Make It describes true privilege as being given the chance to choose his calling – HOLD ON DON’T SCREAM AT ME – with nurturing guidance along the way. (Ok now you can scream :D) True privilege is yes, freedom of choice but NOT foolish choices. One of my friends encouraged her niece (she doesn’t have kids of her own) to pursue the career in music that she wanted (which my friend supports financially as well) BUT not to focus on being a performer. Her niece also takes modules towards the study of music as therapy for special needs kids. Because parents will always strive to give their kids the best – in any market and economy. Because however you may not invest or buy property or etc during say, a bad economy, your kids reach college-age regardless how the economy is doing and you’re always going to strive to give them the best education opportunities you can.
–
–
–
3) Mr Gump wasn’t kidding about them Chocolates In Life – You never know what you’re gonna get. That includes um, kids 🙂 Their personalities. Their strengths and weaknesses (and well, they’re kinda stuck with yours too.)
pic from wikipedia.org
Love Forrest Gump – I find it an incredibly inspiring story about a child who tests a few points shy of the minimum IQ requirements to attend a normal school. (i.e., “nature”.) Despite the initially icky way he gets into normal school (it is, after all, a comedy), “surviving” in that school environment and later on in the rest of the world particularly has a lot to do with the attitude he is raised with (hence, “nurture.”)
Oh, is this fictional? Tom Hanks won an award for acting? How about this guy – Mat Fraser who plays Paul the Illustrated Seal on American Horror Story: Freak Show.
I linkie-ed him before, he’s a Thalidomide baby – back then I wrote how he described how the doctors don’t initially bring him to his mother because they don’t know what to do or what she will: “5 hours.. She’s convinced I’m dead.” His mother’s first reaction to seeing him, “…Open, open, open (the blankets) …she looked at me and said she looked into the eyes of… an old friend..”
At a time when your child is vulnerable, needs a parent’s unconditional love, your attitude towards things in life can really affect how your child turns out (PUH-RESSURE!!)
–
–
4) Cringeworthy, risky…. extremely courageous. NOT advocating this (moot for me anyway since Rockstar really, really hates anything remotely “girly”) – but respecting the guts behind it anyway: 8 Year Old Wanted To Learn Makeup And His Mum Bought Him A Lesson.
Can you tell which half of his face is done by the professional makeup artist and which half is done by 8 year old him?
A thing about Life Is What You Make It comes to mind; Peter Buffet described an incredibly involved (who was still discreet) mum during his schooling, even as his dad went on to achieve investment greatness – this makeup kid’s got talent, it’s how you nurture it. See beyond the 8-year-old-boy-wearing-beautifying-makeup to the ability to mimic an adult professional makeup artist’s brush strokes and colours. Because I don’t think I can do this. And I did stage makeup as an extracurricular in uni (I know hard to tell, looking at me 😀 I just wanted the ECA points towards securing a good hostel room back then) – and more than half the stage makeup team were straight, macho, ball-sports-playing guys who were nonetheless really good at learning stage makeup. (I was in a three-quarters-male sports hall and yeah the guys wanted the ECA points too))
Ethan and mum
Ethan’s mum writes, “This does not define his gender identity nor his sexual preference. He’s just exploring and being a kid! We as parents should be our children’s greatest cheerleaders.”
It takes a lot more guts and character to be the parent of the Forrest Gumps and Makeup Ethans and Mat Frasers of the world than it does to be the parent of some high-achieving, straight-A-scoring, fits-all-the-socially-desirable-standards individual-who-is-some-“boon”-to-our-flawed-society…. and who is just an absolute competitive @sshole.
Uh… thought for the week ahead?
–
–
5) Ok not really, more like my shout out and mild surprise that that there exists a Longreads article titled The League of Extraordinary @ssholes that opens with a reference to the Korean heiress daughter of the airline chairman behaving badly and serving 10 months, also makes references to @ssholes: A Theory by Aaron James. I disagree with a large part of the article, where bad behaviour comes with privilege. Rather, there are a lot more average/ less-privileged, who do behave badly and can write about the relatively much fewer privileged who still fail spectacularly at considerate behaviour.
Also, the risk of raising a child spoiled by privilege is something many are already all too aware of; but less so the risk of raising a child who sees incredibly big shoes they fear never being able to fill.
Being a jerk itself is catching, and as simple (and very easy in Hong Kong) as say, crossing the street – whether you are pedestrian or driver of big car (I realise Monday morning work crush happening in a few more hours).
And so Rockstar skit is How To Catch A Star. I love animals for kids because of the simplicity of it – treat another living thing well, for no other reason than it’s the right thing to do.
Twinkle twinkle little starfish
Find your starfish, go out in to the world a changed person this week 😉
