Rockstarism #393/ Miss-Speak #82: The Indomitable Spirit Of… Both Of Them. Kind Of.

#393/ #82

In a Cantonese-English summer sports class…

Instructor: <indicating Queen E and Partner In Crime who are the youngest and also the only girls> You see, all of you not lining up properly, the babies have to teach you how to do it.

<indignant pause>

Queen E’s Friend: I’m not a baby, I’m four. <holds up fingers>

Queen E: I‘m also not a baby, I’m sixty. <holds up hands with wiggly fingers>

——————————————————————————————————–

Rockstar: Mum. You canNOT leave us with (helper). She always has to interrupt all the (cute animal Youtubes) to try to talk to Queen E. Talk, talk, talk. We can’t watch anything. So I had to create a Minecraft World titled We Found Elsa for Queen E to instruct me to wander around in from her high chair. Looking for Elsa.

Me: Um… What?

——————————————————————————————————–

Rockstar: MUM. Can I leave now? Can I leave?? Queen E is driving me insane with the nonstop babbling. <decisively> I’m going to leave. I’m going to leave right. Now. I am taking my soup and I am going to sit somewhere else. That table. My soup and I are going to that. Table. Ow. My soup is hot.

<sits back down>
<long pause>

Rockstar: What? It’s hot…

——————————————————————————————————–

Me: Ok, let’s play Name The Animals! <holds up pic of bear cub>

Queen E: Horsie! 

(She gives wrong answers trying to be funny)

Rockstar: I want to play, I want to play – cover the word and let me guess! 

I hold up a picture of a ferret.

Rockstar: Raccoon! 

Me: Omg another one.

Queen E: <authoritatively> Not Wah-coon. Beaver. 

Me: <facepalms>…………

Queen E: We could make one. 

Me: Obviously you two are not growing up being One with Nature.

Rockstar: Wait, wait – Let’s Google it!

Me: OMG. Disgusting City Kids… Who know iPads and laptops, not animals.

Rockstar: <IGNORES> Come, Queen E. Let’s go watch some real animals. On Youtube. 

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Things To Do During T8 Typhoon Signal In HK

Who says there’s nothing to do, when you can’t go outside? There’s……

Sports Camp...

Sports Camp…

(Prior to that, Child Labor Camp...)

(Prior to that, Child Labor Camp…)

Mini Fun Zone...

Mini Fun Zone… (Bonus: Fake barking chihuahuas on string allowed! And I don’t even know what the other animal at Her Highness’ feet is…)

Yes there is absolutely no floor space in their room because of a small ball pool, slide, and too-loud disco dance mat with flashing lights because these kids don’t sleep that much I would like them not to swing from the ceiling lights when they’re bored…

Art Camp I (Design A Pokemon Monster Competition)

Art Camp I (Design A Pokemon Monster Competition)

Anyone else unhappy with Pokemon Go right now? The internet is rife with pics of kids (and adults) falling over things trying to capture Pokemon and not watching where they’re going. Rockstar is strictly forbidden from playing this near roads, escalators or stairs.

These Aren't Even Real Animals!!!

These Aren’t Even Real Animals!!!

(Ikea paper rolls are really useful though; I have a mum friend who attached a roll to the wall at little kiddie eye level. Never figured out how she did it so nicely, so instead I keep odourless, pregnancy-safe house paint (you can buy a large tin for around HKD 300-400, ours is from Chi Fu market) and now you also know why there are wall stickers all over the house :P)

They also have this. Ikea unfinished cabinet for them to scrawl on with permanent marker. Ok fine, sometimes I draw on it too.

They also have this. Ikea unfinished cabinet for them to scrawl on with permanent marker. Ok fine, sometimes I draw on it too.

NOW what's he doing?

NOW what’s he doing?

Dude Perfect Episode (facepalms)

Dude Perfect Episode (facepalms)

Nerf gun…. check. Balloons….. check. Laundry basket……check. Where else am I going to let him shoot water balloons during a typhoon, except inna bathtub?

(WHAT Nerf guns are those guys using, none of Rockstar's guns and standard pellets can burst a balloon even at close range)

(WHAT Nerf guns are those guys on Youtube using, none of Rockstar’s guns and standard pellets can burst a balloon even at close range)

Meantime, Queen E is busy elsewhere....

Meantime, Queen E is busy elsewhere….

Mini Art Jam

Mini Art Jam

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Recycling Rockstar's old canvases with fake snow, glitter, blotting paper and neon paint

Recycling Rockstar’s old canvases with fake snow, glitter, blotting paper and neon paint

...and string, netting from a toy fishing set.... and an Easter egg. Seriously.

…and string, netting from a toy fishing set…. and an Easter egg. Seriously.

 

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Rockstarism #392/ Miss-Speak #81

#392/81

Overheard one night in the darkness…

Queen E: Dory? ….Dory? …D’you still remember when you lost your mum and dad?

Rockstar: <groans><in a high voice> Yeah I do, I was lost and sad. Now can I please go to sleep?

Queen E: Yes you can, Dory. <pause> I was just checking… 

Rockstar: <in his normal voice> Yeah… I know.

Queen E:<cheerfully> Good night, Dory…!

Rockstar: I’m asleep.

<SILENCE> 

And here we have the older child willingly being used as a sliding mat on the little kiddie bouncing castle……

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