Rockstarism #337 – of “Raising Emotionally Healthy Children”

#337

Rockstar’s school recently hosted a talk by child psychologist Dr Louise Porter who has a wealth of 30 years experience, and coming home from the packed auditorium, I’m greeted with:

Rockstar: How was it, how was it?

I show him the book.

Hurried blurry snap before they started

Hurried blurry snap right before they started

Rockstar: Very good! <gives enthusiastic thumbs up>

Me: <mildly surprised> Ok, you look happy.

Rockstar: You have to learn these things. Otherwise how are you going to raise us properly.

Me: You mean there’s more to it than how many times to walk and feed you?

Rockstar: <IGNORES> 

Me: <not giving up> …Putting out fresh drinking water for you each day……

Rockstar: <Snorts><pointedly turns back to Youtube>

Me: Oh, oh, what if this book tells me to cut your Youtube?

Rockstar: <not looking up> It won’t say that. 

Me: What makes you so sure? <opening book> You don’t think it says right here, “No Youtube for kids”? 

Rockstar: <laughs> No. It won’t say that because I finished all my work first.

Me: Huh. You’re no fun.

Rockstar: <nodding> No, not really.

Miss, who’s been listening:  

Miss: Miss right here! <reaches for book>

I hand it to her and she opens it. Upside down, of course.

Miss: What this?  

Me: It’s a book about how to raise emotionally healthy children.

Rockstar: <finally looking up> So what’s it say? How’m I doing? 

Me: You can read some of it for yourself if you want, what’s your reading level nowadays, anyway…

(But even as I say it I remember Rockstar tends to be heavily skewed towards non-fiction readings; simply from a mild lack of interest in anything fiction that is not say, Star Wars related… So I rather expect he would appear to read at two different levels simply depending whether a fiction or nonfiction book is placed in front of him, i.e. my comment about reading level is off… We’re in the process of looking for something a bit more challenging because he’s kind of started to outgrow all the I Wonder Whys so I’d love any suggestions – we’re currently kinda stuck between too-complicated and just-getting-a-bit-too-simple…)

Rockstar: Maybe I will.. Then we can see if we’re all doing it right… <turns back to Youtube>

ps: Not sure that was what the good doctor had in mind, but certainly it was a very informative and interesting talk last night… Will write more eventually, just it takes a bit of digesting…

And another thing that occurred to me – there are not a few of these courses that span several weeks or a crash course weekend etc and obviously you have to pay for them… Last night’s seminar was completely free of charge for parents via Rockstar’s school, which I thought was a pretty good perk – I mean, I bought the book, but during the seminar they freely do tell you what’s in it anyway, there was no “If you want more then buy the book”… Even when at the end they mentioned there are full courses you can sign up for, it’s more along the lines of, “If you find it hard to put in practice because some of the ideas are so new, there’s more training available” rather than ending say, on a cliffhanger and saying something like, “Sign up to find out the rest…” I mention, because there is often such an aggressive push to sell things, in Hong Kong…

Also, usually there’s a lot more said about school fees increases etc but not so much about some of the better freebies like the free trainings and seminars… I hear of other schools that charge a lot more in fees and might still charge for some of these seminars… Just saying… 

Anyway here’s these two doing their best Brain Freeze faces. They are having frozen yoghurt (it’s usually yoghurt or sherbet, less often ice cream) though yes Rockstar has an Oreo and strawberry chocolate topping (which he didn’t finish) in his… The Miss had cornflakes (which she did finish) in hers.

photo 2-50 photo 3-41

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Posted in Rockstarisms, Talking To Rockstar | 1 Comment

A Tale of Two Scoot-ees

Hello Dere.

Hello Dere.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whee.

Whee.

Which is how the elder one ends up exhausted.

Phew.

Phew.

But he’ll pull through. Because for all her nuttiness and fierce independence the younger one insisted on waiting til the the elder one was done with schoolwork before she would go a-scooting and he knows it.

Have a good week ahead………

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The Rather Preachy Heavy Friday (sorry)

1) Just when you thought the dogs-diving-for-stuff photo trend was milked to death, they just had to do it with puppies.

Swoon.

Swoon.

Double Swoon.

Double Swoon.

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2) Google Hires 12 year old As ProgrammerHow awesome must this kid be, remember Google’s crazy banned interview questions from sometime back?

Adam Nikos

Adam Nikos

Another article says he presented on cyber attacks among others, and has never actually been taught the computer science subject – he was just reading avidly.

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3) Is It A Crime To Raise A Killer? When one child commits a heinous crime towards another child, can you send the criminal’s parents to prison?

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Parent of murdered 12-year old Autumn Pasquale (15 year old Justin Robinson, who also has some special needs, appeared to have strangled her for her bicycle) pushes for controversial “Autumn’s Law” in New Jersey. Autumn’s father puts it, “Parenting comes with responsibilities, and one of those is to raise your kids right, to pay attention and know when they’re a danger to someone else. That’s a parent’s job.” An excerpt from his petition reads, “If the minor who murdered my daughter was properly treated, parented, disciplined and supervised my daughter would probably be alive today.”

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4) How Consensual Sex Got A Freshman Kicked Out. This is here because….. I started reading – skimming – thinking it was some latest talking point about awareness and what young people are campaigning about, that kind of stuff. But as I read the accounts of what happened that night, it starts to get quite disturbing in how easily something like this can happen. (It’s like when everyone freaks out about mad cow but don’t see the raw food bacteria in their own kitchens that can also produce devastating effects and which is more likely as well…..?)

So this doesn’t take place in a shady bar, date rape drugs are not involved, there is no violence and it appears to be exactly what both parties want at the time. If you scroll down and keep reading, it appears they do put effort in avoiding some safeties put in place in the dorm and during orientation, that are meant to keep them from committing exactly this kind of mistake. For the girl in this link, it is also her first time.

Now, I was an advocate for abstinence long before I even became Christian. I was fairly popular, won some little freshman pageant title (which I maintain has more to do with witty comeback in the Q&A than looks :D) had maybe 9 boyfriends before my husband, and no one made me do anything I wasn’t ready for, bless them. It wasn’t that I didn’t have raging hormones or wasn’t dying of curiosity or felt no peer pressure. There were times when it was very, very hard to say no. If you wonder how I managed to do it, it was because it boiled down to uh, cost-benefit analysis :D

My original post (before more people who knew me knew I blogged) brought me in touch with some younger people who reached out across cyberspace when I wrote it (but I’m still a little shy to repost <sheepish>) My argument for saving something important for marriage in summary is this:

If you want to be married someday, which essentially means having the same sexual partner for the rest of your life, then forever and ever is a long time to stay turned on by one person. I wanted to make sure who I was with for the rest of my life was the Best I Ever Had. I didn’t want to risk Best I Ever Had being Mr Jerk-But-Good-In-Bed and then my always knowing at the back of my mind that Mr Worth Having His Babies was slightly shy of that.

But back to cost-benefit: Whenever it was hard to say no (and it was really, really hard – I did wonder if it would get me dumped – let’s just say then there are other things you can  and should do as a girlfriend to make yourself more “worth waiting for” – aren’t we meant to give our other halves our best to the glory of God anyway?) I would ask myself if I could accept the possible cost.

(It’s a rule I applied to investment products too <sheepish> I would tell my Sales to start with the worst thing that can happen to their client when they invest in a certain derivative product and if their client cannot accept that then we need to look for something else. Ironically I often handled the products with the highest risk classification, go figure…)

At the end of the day what I had wanted was to be like Phoebe’s Lobsters on Friends. (According to her, they hold claws around the tank in their old age). The risk of not being able to enjoy sex as much as I wanted and thought I should after I was married, was a cost I considered too high. It trumped peer pressure (yes for the record I was pretty much Last Virgin Standing among my old friends and I know how that can look kinda sad but anyway… <shrugs>)

(So anyway then I became Christian, and eventually came across what the Bible says about abstinence before marriage, and I remember going Oh Ri-ight… Well Then That’s Just Excellent It All Makes Perfect Sense :D)

But back to the original link. The other big problem was – yes alcohol. From the person who kept Wild Turkey in her dorm room fridge and a collection of flavored Absoluts post graduation but has never been drunk – FOR GOODNESS’ SAKES DON’T GET DRUNK. I don’t think serious drunk even feels good. You throw up. You feel awful. You look awful. In the digital age there are going to be possibly pictures of you looking, feeling and acting awful that could be on someone’s Facebook forever and ever to be found by future HR and bosses and boyfriends/girlfriends so WHY would you ever do it?

Ok, actually Serious Drunk was always a pet peeve/worry; when I started working, a then-boyfriend and I headed over to Boat Quay and Clarke Quay where we “practiced” drinking various strong alcoholic cocktails. Well there was also the Vodka et al at home. I wanted to know my drinking limit and how I would handle the various popular concoctions back in our day before company functions et al. It was expensive for us to order cocktails (even just) the couple times we did, I started off at entry level pretty broke, but again the alternative was whether I would otherwise make a fool of myself at a coveted workplace someday… (That actually worked out, because I really did find myself in that kind of situation a few times later on…)

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5) Let’s break up the words with more eye candy. (But apparently I’m still on my preachy kick – imagine nasal, whiney self righteous voice as I mention 11 “Best” Outlaw Instagrammers In New York City.)

Rotan him.

Rotan him.

Yes the pictures are breathtaking. Yes they are creative. I don’t even care that much about the (harmlessly) being in restricted places just for a photo op. If however they are done with real risk then this is basically someone’s 17 year old climbing stuff he could plummet to his death off of, helped along by the internet’s ability to find countless strangers to encourage them to do these things. 53,000 people goading your teenager to find some other way to risk life and limb. Like parenting teenagers isn’t hard enough already. I’m just saying…

(WHY did I not think that the first time I mentioned some of these kids and their daredevil pictures).

At this stage we don’t have to worry about our older one (touch wood), but the younger one is going to have to be locked up when she comes of age – especially if you tell her this is illegal, carries great risk of bodily harm and – most attractive to her - that you don’t want her to do it. 

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6) Speaking of which, Rockstar Skit this week is Guess Who’s Reading.

Because only one of 'em is.

Because only one of ‘em is.

Can you guess which one?

Can you guess which one?

Sigh. Sometimes I really do feel for the older one. (Can you see his masked irritation?)

(Can you see the older one’s barely-masked irritation?)

Sigh. Sometimes I do feel for the older one. Even then it’s hard not to laugh (which irritates him even more) because the younger one can swing a seriously deadly brazen-sweet smile as she tries to get away with her latest infraction.

Good weekend, dears…

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