In a Cantonese-English summer sports class…
Instructor: <indicating Queen E and Partner In Crime who are the youngest and also the only girls> You see, all of you not lining up properly, the babies have to teach you how to do it.
Queen E’s Friend: I’m not a baby, I’m four. <holds up fingers>
Queen E: I‘m also not a baby, I’m sixty. <holds up hands with wiggly fingers>
Rockstar: Mum. You canNOT leave us with (helper). She always has to interrupt all the (cute animal Youtubes) to try to talk to Queen E. Talk, talk, talk. We can’t watch anything. So I had to create a Minecraft World titled We Found Elsa for Queen E to instruct me to wander around in from her high chair. Looking for Elsa.
Me: Um… What?
Rockstar: MUM. Can I leave now? Can I leave?? Queen E is driving me insane with the nonstop babbling. <decisively> I’m going to leave. I’m going to leave right. Now. I am taking my soup and I am going to sit somewhere else. That table. My soup and I are going to that. Table. Ow. My soup is hot.
<sits back down>
Rockstar: What? It’s hot…
Me: Ok, let’s play Name The Animals! <holds up pic of bear cub>
Queen E: Horsie!
(She gives wrong answers trying to be funny)
Rockstar: I want to play, I want to play – cover the word and let me guess!
I hold up a picture of a ferret.
Me: Omg another one.
Queen E: <authoritatively> Not Wah-coon. Beaver.
Queen E: We could make one.
Me: Obviously you two are not growing up being One with Nature.
Rockstar: Wait, wait – Let’s Google it!
Me: OMG. Disgusting City Kids… Who know iPads and laptops, not animals.
Rockstar: <IGNORES> Come, Queen E. Let’s go watch some real animals. On Youtube.