Finally, after people have been asking what happened to The Little Miss Rockstar guest posts……
Hello Again Everyone,
It’s been Too Long since I last contributed a piece, and that’s because I’ve been busy at my new pre-school.
I am now, and have been since after summer break…… a Turbo Toddler at Safari Kid! <proud>
(Not…. too recent alumni, obviously – when does your hair start to grey like with the man on the left, it’s sometime after you become a fossil, isn’t it?) Anyway maybe these were like, founding Safari Kids back in 2005 in Silicon Valley (they have their own App coming soon too) – i.e. a gadzillion years ago in a galaxy far, far away.)
But, back to business:
As the name “Turbo Toddler” implies, the social life is just amazing. We hold hands to and from various parts of our magnificent pre-school campus (full of bright, padded furniture you can run into!) while singing deep, philosophical songs like A,B,C.
My recitation of A,B,C especially impresses my Ko-ko, who is almost 7.
Naturally, I feel obliged to take an interest in my Ko-ko’s education. (Though I shall reserve judgment over why he is impressed by A,B,Cs at his age (what are they teaching at his school?))
I worry for my Ko-ko. Look at the things he gets from his friends in school. I’m not sure we should be sending him there. But I’m away a couple hours each day, so I can only hope he stays out of trouble til I get back… And join him. He can be sure I’ll be looking into the state of his education as soon as I can, though.
Anyway. As I was saying, our social life in Turbo Toddlers is so amazing our mummies and daddies get jealous and so they have to come up with things like Wine and Cheese Nights and School Applications Information Sessions and Open Houses just so the ancient grownups don’t feel left out.
Y’know, there is so much fun to be had, <whispers> some senior school staff can’t stay off our slides. I mean, supposedly some of my friends might need extra encouragement to try new activities rather than the same ones all the time, or else I think the other common “excuse” was they stay very hands-on engaged, but come on.
Among others, I’ve secretly observed senior school staff readily roll up their sleeves and go on our slides with us – and they do it with such enthusiasm that I’m pretty sure it’s just ‘cos they wish they had one in their office. Bet they wish they had brightly colored padded furniture to run into all day as well. Exactly.
Which brings us to…… safety. Especially if you missed the latest case in the UK I think it was, grownups, write this down: If you send “gwapes” in for your Turbo Toddler’s snack, you need to halve them first. This is because a “gwape” is just about the size of our windpipes and is therefore an Official Choking Hazard. It doesn’t matter how adept we are with the motor skills, gwapes are to be halved. It’s a policy.
It’s also policy to get an “Ouch Report” sent home if you bump your head. Like, even if they check you out and think you’re fine, you’ll still get one. It’s embarrassing. I think I’m going to end up getting a billion of these before I’m through because I’m accident prone (it’s not living if something’s not hurting is almost my motto.)
Each week, there are emails describing our activities. But that’s not all – in line with the customization toward each unique individual in our program, there are always a few lines specific to each and every one of us, after the more general stuff about our class activities. Fellow toddlers be warned – that’s BAD for you and you will have to stay on guard at all times. I speak with the voice of experience.
When someone just dumped different colored pasta into the WRONG bowls and I spent the session re-sorting everything into their original bowls my Mummy heard about it.
Now she knows I am capable of tidying up my beads. <all indignant> This all manner of sucks for me. But I’ve got a tip for you, fellow toddlers: If you ever find yourself in this situation, smile winningly and put something silly on your head. The grownup bothering you will laugh and probably forget even if you put their iPhone down the toilet.
Anyway, that’s all we have time for today. I have to go to <reverent pause> school now.
The Little Miss Rockstar (because I know stuff.)
ps: Harvard is so passé