I, Miss Safari Kid

Finally, after people have been asking what happened to The Little Miss Rockstar guest posts…… 

Hello Again Everyone,

It’s been Too Long since I last contributed a piece, and that’s because I’ve been busy at my new pre-school.

Guest Blogger In Action On Campus

Guest Blogger In Action On Campus

I am now, and have been since after summer break…… a Turbo Toddler at Safari Kid! <proud>

I pass this picture in our lobby each day, I think they must be alumni. Not-too-recent, obviously. They look ANCIENT.

I pass this picture in our lobby each day, I think they must be alumni.

(Not…. too recent alumni, obviously – when does your hair start to grey like with the man on the left, it’s sometime after you become a fossil, isn’t it?) Anyway maybe these were like, founding Safari Kids back in 2005 in Silicon Valley (they have their own App coming soon too) – i.e. a gadzillion years ago in a galaxy far, far away.)

But, back to business:

Guest Blogger Doing Some Heavy Lifting As Turbo Toddler

Guest Blogger Doing Heavy Lifting As Turbo Toddler

As the name “Turbo Toddler” implies, the social life is just amazing. We hold hands to and from various parts of our magnificent pre-school campus (full of bright, padded furniture you can run into!) while singing deep, philosophical songs like A,B,C.

My recitation of A,B,C especially impresses my Ko-ko, who is almost 7.

This is my ole' Ko-ko

My ole’ Ko-ko. He’s posing willingly for this picture because it turns out he likes being called “old”.

Naturally, I feel obliged to take an interest in my Ko-ko’s education. (Though I shall reserve judgment over why he is impressed by A,B,Cs at his age (what are they teaching at his school?))

(What do they teach old people in school nowadays)

Let’s see what all the fuss is about…

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Just LOOK at this….. THING My Ko-ko’s Friend From School Gave Him.

I worry for my Ko-ko. Look at the things he gets from his friends in school. I’m not sure we should be sending him there. But I’m away a couple hours each day, so I can only hope he stays out of trouble til I get back… And join him. He can be sure I’ll be looking into the state of his education as soon as I can, though.

Anyway. As I was saying, our social life in Turbo Toddlers is so amazing our mummies and daddies get jealous and so they have to come up with things like Wine and Cheese Nights and School Applications Information Sessions and Open Houses just so the ancient grownups don’t feel left out.

Understandable, really:

How fun is THIS?

How much fun is THIS?

Y’know, there is so much fun to be had, <whispers> some senior school staff can’t stay off our slides. I mean, supposedly some of my friends might need extra encouragement to try new activities rather than the same ones all the time, or else I think the other common “excuse” was they stay very hands-on engaged, but come on.

(Like, who needs encouragement to fall off this thing and hit your head, right? Right?)

Who wouldn’t want to have a go on THIS?

Among others, I’ve secretly observed senior school staff readily roll up their sleeves and go on our slides with us – and they do it with such enthusiasm that I’m pretty sure it’s just ‘cos they wish they had one in their office. Bet they wish they had brightly colored padded furniture to run into all day as well. Exactly.

Which brings us to…… safety. Especially if you missed the latest case in the UK I think it was, grownups, write this down: If you send “gwapes” in for your Turbo Toddler’s snack, you need to halve them first. This is because a “gwape” is just about the size of our windpipes and is therefore an Official Choking Hazard. It doesn’t matter how adept we are with the motor skills, gwapes are to be halved. It’s a policy.

It’s also policy to get an “Ouch Report” sent home if you bump your head. Like, even if they check you out and think you’re fine, you’ll still get one. It’s embarrassing. I think I’m going to end up getting a billion of these before I’m through because I’m accident prone (it’s not living if something’s not hurting is almost my motto.)

Things That Make Ya Go "Hmmm" - Guest Blogger In Pensive Self-Reflction

Things That Make Ya Go “Hmmm” – Guest Blogger In Pensive Self-Reflection

Each week, there are emails describing our activities. But that’s not all – in line with the customization toward each unique individual in our program, there are always a few lines specific to each and every one of us, after the more general stuff about our class activities. Fellow toddlers be warned – that’s BAD for you and you will have to stay on guard at all times. I speak with the voice of experience.

When someone just dumped different colored pasta into the WRONG bowls and I spent the session re-sorting everything into their original bowls my Mummy heard about it.

Guest Blogger In Re-enactment Of Incident

Guest Blogger In Re-enactment Of Unfortunate Incident

Guest Blogger Re-enactment II

Guest Blogger Re-enactment II

Now she knows I am capable of tidying up my beads. <all indignant> This all manner of sucks for me. But I’ve got a tip for you, fellow toddlers: If you ever find yourself in this situation, smile winningly and put something silly on your head. The grownup bothering you will laugh and probably forget even if you put their iPhone down the toilet.

Guest Blogger in action

Guest Blogger in action demonstrating a possible smile to get yourself out of trouble

Anyway, that’s all we have time for today. I have to go to <reverent pause> school now.

Signed,

The Little Miss Rockstar (because I know stuff.)

ps: Harvard is so passé

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Rockstarism #341/ Miss-Speak #22 – Taking An Interest In Education

#341

Just hanging in the Rockstar household…

Rockstar: Mum. What is she doing?

Me: Looks like a pirouette. She must’ve picked it up from one of her friends in school.

Aware she has a slightly scandalized audience, the Miss starts mewing and arching her back. Rockstar starts and raises his eyebrows (seriously cracks me up sometimes, the things that get a rise out of him…)

Rockstar: And – and she meows too! <seriously> Mum. What is she learning from these people in this school? Are you sure we should be sending her there? 

Me: You know she’s doing it to get a reaction from you, right?

Rockstar: No. Notti. Count for ko-ko. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Miss: <enthusiastically> 11, 12, 14, 16, Chicken!      

He says touch your nose....

He says touch your nose….

She does that. Of course.

She does that. Of course.

 

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Here’s What Going After A Rude Taxi Driver Looks Like

A rude or overcharging taxi driver in Hong Kong is kind of a given and is usually not news, unless they’re umm, special. I blogged previously about going after an overcharging taxi driver and well, here’s one about going after a rude one.

Rockstar and I were on what should’ve been a quick, uneventful errand recently, and the fare had a 20 cent figure in it. Now, this is usually rounded up (some but not that many cabbies might round down, and it is enough of a “thing” whereby you’d kinda be, “Oh, what a nice cabbie,” about it) unless you really have the exact change – this day I happened to have a 20 cent coin in my wallet so I gave the cabbie that.

The cabbie throws the coin back at us sitting in the back seat and it lands on the floor of the cab after hitting me on the knee or lap. He starts snapping in Cantonese (rough translation) “I don’t want it! Give me this for what, no one wants them etc etc.” I calmly look for his taxi license registration number (which is unusually faint – usually it’s very prominent so it takes me awhile to make it out – all the while with a big glowering face and body at the side of my vision) and when Rockstar asks what I’m doing I say “taking down his number for a complaint”.

At that point, I still don’t mean to do it yet, it’s just retaliation for having the 20 cent coin thrown back at us. (Again, varying degrees right – Rockstar would later ask me where it hit me and I realize if it had been either of our faces or upper body then well that is worse right… So he really threw it, not tossed it or whatever, but I was more distracted by his constant stream of rude Cantonese because it didn’t hit us anywhere more erm, significant?) I do find that there is a set of real bullies who are particularly mean if you have little kids with you though it usually manifests as over charging because they assume you are too busy with the kids to check. He’s still berating us in rapid-fire Cantonese that I ignore as I slam the door behind us (my hands are full, how hard can I slam anyways)…

However, as we walk to our apartment building entrance we realize the taxi driver has paused nearby while making a round. He winds down his window and roars at the top of his lungs, “POOK KAI AH Lei Ge Sei Pat Poh!!!”

Our receptionist and another mildly amused resident waiting for a cab fail to explain exactly what “pook kai” means (“Go and die” right?) but assure me it isn’t actual profanity so I still typed it here :P (Btw in our huge development of several hundred (thousand?) units, cabbies are supposed to go back to the main waiting area to queue because otherwise it’s considered unfair to those who have been obediently waiting in line and YES this is a thing and some will get upset especially at non-peak when they have waited longer.. Speaking of which there are umm, “Queueing Rules” around here. As in don’t know queueing rule can still kena hammered because most people who deliberately cut queue pretend they don’t know the rules anyway so chances are they don’t believe you really don’t know. I mention because it’s part of living here and is probably different from elsewhere…)

So… here we go complaint hotline. It was about 1.15pm and the taxi number was EJ8820 (someone please tell me if that’s not ok to put up since I already lodged formal complaint). I was asked if the driver was male or female (they would have preferred his name as well but time and plate does indicate who was responsible for the cab at the time.. I was too busy trying to see the blurry number on display while still being berated and glowered at), and then they explained my two alternate courses of action:

1) lodge police report and the police will come take a statement (I said no to this because I am not about to let a nasty person take up more of my time)

2) have the taxi complaints hotline note down the complaint and if he gets another one within a year the Transport Department I think it was issues a formal warning… After that…. suspension of license for a certain period? I didn’t ask specifically beyond the formal warning because the person on the other line briskly but politely finishes up and rings off, having politely rattled off points (1) and (2) up to formal warning bit in rapid fire Cantonese as well as good English.

When I finish, Rockstar remarks, “I’m glad you didn’t let him get away with it.”

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