Flashback: “It’s Not Easy Being A Rockstar In Perth”

Pre baby weight: 53kg 
Pregnancy weight: 73.1kg
Last weighing 4 or 5 days ago: 64kg
Just weighed: 64kg (still on confinement)

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This one’s from our first trip abroad when Rockstar was about 11 months old and we were so kiasu having never travelled with a baby that we packed like we were traveling to Siberia, not Perth. (No, never brought helper even back when I worked…)

Don’t let ’em fool you, it’s not easy being a Rock Star in Perth…

Rockstars have a LOT of baggage…

Because the pesky “paps” are everywhere, you get caught on camera even on the plane, doing something you should not!

Though you do get to wear a snazzy flight jacket…

Is it any wonder when you arrive you’re knackered?

And get caught on camera parking in the wrong spot (in front of Adultshop)…

But STILL have to pay for parking!

To meet potential fans for the first time, your over-zealous staff coordinate your outfit…

But then you discover you already have a fan base you never knew you had…

Though some natives really don’t seem to understand anything you say…

While others are infinitely curious… (Still the most kaypoh python we’ve met to date…)

You practice your charm on a local kid…

Soon, you’re schmoozing fans of all shapes…

… sizes…

And hairdos!

You soon have everyone eating out of your hand!

Even the foreign chicks take to you!

All that adoration can go straight to a Rockstar’s head!

So encouraged, you set out to see the sights in the city on a sweltering day…

At a neighbourhood branch of Westpac Bank you feel compelled to speak up about the current financial crisis (it’s all that pesky paparazzi’s fault…)

After all, it’s a Rock Star’s duty to speak responsibly – people cling to your every move!

And THEN you encounter indifference…

And though you do manage a brief fling with a garnish…

Even at locations a little closer to your original fan base you fail to attract the mass adoration you have come to expect…

You look left and right (and notice the Christmas decorations are up)…

But where ARE your fans?

Fans seem to expect you to know what they want, but really, you’re no …….!

Btw, no matter how far away from your hometown, you learn this again and again – women LOVE to shop. oh, zzz.

Even abroad, showbiz means you encounter scandal…

And with the financial crisis maybe you should consider alternative careers, just as a fallback, like you hear many investment bankers are already doing…

Then those pesky paps catch you red handed on camera again – this time joyriding!

So you pack up for a road trip to Margaret River, wine country…

(Note how everything is zip locked separately in boot; that was to keep all the baby blankets, bibs and whatnot in separate bags in case some of em got dirty during our travels – not because we thought Perth is scary dirty or something (uh, we live in HK) but because I wanted to totally nix the chances Rockstar got sick on our first vaccie, thereby spoiling our fun; to date he’s never been sick on vaccie touch wood… BUT under all the ziploc, a giant cardboard box with all manner of baby foodstuff, wipes and whatnot – did we think you can’t buy wet wipes in Perth?!)

Occasionally snapping the odd publicity shot to appease your fan base back home…

You intend to drive around the country tasting all the different breads of the land…yum!

Focaccia at the Wild Lime in Como… Where the proprietors give you an extra warm, fresh, tasteful crust for the road…

At Laurence, a little Brioche that comes with a wine tasting platter for your staff…

Ciabatta at Ngarabar beach resort and bar where your staff simultaneously develop a love of dukkah…

Crusty lavender-laced loaf at Cape Lavender…

“A little slice of heaven”, they call this place… You are dressed in muted colors to go with the ambience… All around, the scent of lavender…

You dutifully have your staff coordinate their outfits on day II at Cape Lavender…

But then the scent lulls you and you miss the cheese, olives and crackers that come with your 2005 Shiraz at Saracen (come to think of it, what happened to your glass of Shiraz after this picture was taken??)

You wake just in time to be mobbed by a fan…

You also try to make up for lost time…

Though really, uppity wine places aren’t your thing.. Still, Rockstars have certain standards of snobbery to maintain…

And you have to pretend you like their art even though you know you could do better…

Yet there are still some parties you are not invited to (showbiz is so fickle – the chicks’ll go for just ANYTHING with a lil’ sugar!)

But you’re soon appeased by a trip to the dairy factory…

And the Margaret River chocolate and jam factories…

You also pay homage in rememberance of other great celebrities…

And pose for fans’ home-made arty-farty shots – so well in fact it’s almost like you don’t know there’s a camera there!

(Though some efforts are really rather cheesy)

Some ardent admirers from back home come looking for photo ops and you have to oblige, even though you would rather pluck grass…

People don’t seem to understand how hard you already work at your photoshoots…

Then on the way home you have to camp out in the parking lot while waiting for your midnight flight…SEVEN hours later!

You have your own specially prepared meal but you have to eat your dinner right in the car park…

Whereupon you discover your staff have downloaded only FIFTEEN of your favourite Babytv programs to watch while you eat! The incompetence!

(Note Kings’ long-suffering face as he frantically tries to open up the video clip)

At least on this trip you came away with new gear to spice up your act back home (though you really wish your staff would keep up and throw that jacket out)

The trip inspires you to make music in new ways

And you realise fans will still fly in from everywhere just to see you!

Perth has such beautiful residential areas a Rock Star could get to like it here after all (how much does a Rockstar need to make so he can move here?)

THE END.