Freaky Friday

1) Apparently, this is fashion. The exciting and vaguely scary art of eyelash jewelry. Clicker beware. It does not really tell you why it is exciting, or art. But as someone who never got past Hello with standard mascara on Watsons shelf, I’m pretty terrified. Did you notice the one with the googly eyes? Because what the world needs right now is eyelashes with googly eyes on them. Beauty queens take note. “World Peace” is so last-pageant.

You can tell by my extra snarkiness that That Which Has Been Dreaded has happened. Her Highness has decided to try her luck at not sleeping at night too. The whole time I’m thinking Here We Go Dragon Fight I’m also thinking Water Quenches Fire I Am So Screwed.

–

–

–

2) “The Administration does not support blowing up planets.”  Obama Administration responding to a 35,000-signature petition to build a Death Star, thereby creating jobs. I liked, “Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?” Proof there are smart people in The White House. Also proof Good Jedi there is in the Oval (someone pointed out the president is wielding a blue light saber).

What? That information was very important to Rockstar.

It was also nice to know they offered certain Death Star petitioners job interviews. This is like that urban not-so-legend of a guy I once knew who’d apparently been recruited at a Goldman office after choosing as his 3 hour entrance-interview essay topic, Buddhism. (He is btw a helluva super-quant.) Also urban not-so-legend that Kings once worked with a structurer who had 2 Phds – in Math and English Literature and wow freaks and fruitcakes both start with “fr”. (But seriously the guy was really brilliant)

3) Ok, not so good (skip, for happier stuff below).

THAT interview - pic from Thedailybeast.com

Lance Armstrong credits doping for Tour De France wins. I felt obliged because I mentioned Buzz Bissinger’s I still believe in Armstrong initially. (He then totally flipped his position.) What do I say? (Rockstar, this for you)

Cheating was always wrong. And it’s a waste of effort because the energy spent dreaming it up and covering it up could be spent on getting better legitimately. There might be some defense in “what IS cheating” but that is for regulators on the ground to decide. I just think the way the world works is, black and white make grey. The shade of grey arrived at is based on how much black or white is in the mixture. How much black or white goes in depends on what else is going on in the world today. Medical and technological advances, what society deems the best wisdom of our time….. I formed the view partly from reading an opinion about why Justices in the States should not have lifelong appointments – because of the risk of someone whose formative years were back when more than 90% of the population believed mixed marriages were wrong, stuff like that.

And the rest of the time I’m engaged in a battle of wills with She Who Shall Not Nap, not following where the world is now on which-drugs-count-as-doping/cheating today. I’m not about to try and be all self-righteous stick-up-my-butt I CAN’T BELIEVE THESE TERRIBLE PEOPLE.

So Mr Armstrong “officially” cheats (ie is officially considered to have cheated) and is officially stripped of his titles. That’s how the world should work, isn’t it? Except for the bit where he won 7 times to begin with, because for the non-cheaters who came in second all those times it sucks.

Then there is Buzz. Bissinger, the metaphor for a gadzillion people who were inspired by Mr Armstrong. The sweeter the idealist, the more bitter the cynic upon disillusionment. Now what?

Find another hero. Until and if that one comes up a cheater, then find another. And another. There are always cheaters, there are always heroes. But you owe it to yourself not to allow someone who has proven unworthy to make you into a lesser version of yourself. (That includes being bitter. You don’t really get to be bitter, but you do get to not waste any more time on the person.)

Oh, and they should pay the regulators more. Otherwise as long as it pays more to be a crook than a regulator, you will get first rate crooks and second rate regulators. I didn’t know a single name of any of the people in the regulatory body who initially dared to go after Mr Armstrong, when he was all puffed-up I’ve Been Terribly Wronged! I still don’t. Do you? And if it’s just fantasy to ever pay regulators, then the other thing you can do is to make it really hurt for the crook. Hurt so they don’t even dare to try.

One reader comment that stuck with me was how, recovering from cancer, last thing he would have wanted to do is inject himself with more chemicals like performance drugs. Mr Armstrong wanted it bad. Really, really bad. The kind of bad that helps you fight a terrible disease. One of my most brilliant friends and mentors discovered he had the disease when he was 32. After years of on and off battles I last spoke to him via a cellphone Kings held up to his ear in a hospital room at Mount Elizabeth cos I was in my final stages of pregnancy with Rockstar and couldn’t fly over a final time.

Mr Armstrong still overcame the odds as a cancer survivor. It is no less remarkable for all the rest, it is an achievement that deserves no less praise and respect. The same as do all cancer survivors.

For the rest, Mr Armstrong will have to burn. If he doesn’t, more people are gonna think it’s ok to do that. It has to hurt more than any benefit from winning those 7 titles, plus interest.

So, Rockstars: You don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. Do wrong, don’t treat people right, expect people to hate you. (Well d-uh.) You need friends in this world. It’s hard enough making good friends without letting them know you are capable of doping. There are other people they can be friends with.

–

–

4) This from Mr Brown (I assume it’s from a Pri school in Singapore):

I don’t really know the answer to question (1). Rockstar and I think it’s S because that one sounds a bit different from the others. (Anyone know what it should be?) This is like when I posted Could you get into this primary school in Shanghai? when those questions were making rounds because some banking ex colleagues were all “We should screen our interns with this!” (But for real, it’s almost every day I find an OMG Kids These Days Have To Do These Things At Their Age? exclamation – kids’ education appears to us to move and change so quickly that it’s just mind boggling)

Rockstar wanted me to take this pic. It is titled “I Can’t See.”

Well, d-uh.

–

–

5) Saved the best for last, awesome life hacks.

(Rockstar then said he shall try to memorize ASAP what he’s supposed to play so we don’t need to put the book there. Freak. He gets it from you, Kings. I’d rather he actually learn to read notes eventually. Honestly we put him in that music class because it’s fun and a very “local” experience, conducted in Cantonese (rather than say any dreams of nurturing budding talent haha) – I attend with him, and once got so lost I bought the wrong books for class…)

Here however is someone who is truly musical. (Or, The Only Proper Response To Mr Armstrong.)

http://youtu.be/-grZDvXBm78

(He’s actually playing music that way ok, hitting proper notes, took me awhile to realize how much method there is in the madness… Heck, visit the Youtube here. The comments are pretty awesome too)

Have a good weekend. Learn to play the xylophone. For real.

Random pic of The Rockstars Not Playing The Xylophone