We had CNBC on as background noise around our latest batch of tie-dye projects, and Queen E was extremely disappointed “the girl” didn’t beat “Donald Trunk,” funny Youtubes notwithstanding. So this one’s for her…
I don’t believe Hillary Clinton’s loss had anything to do with her being a woman. I think she lost because she was less “real,” and people saw that. So really, the thing Her Highness is gonna take home from Donald Trunk Becoming President is he didn’t try to be someone else so people might like him more. Like it or lump it Americans, you get the hair, the sometime orange tan and the blustering, outrageous statements for President, if you vote for Trump. (If you didn’t vote Trump then I’m so sorry.)
As someone who has a daughter, in this case I hope Hillary being a woman never comes up. I don’t like the articles calling this “a blow to women.” (Yeah I know she is one, but it should never have been about that. The Democrats didn’t choose a candidate so she could potentially be First Woman President, after President Obama was First Black President, did they? Surely not, since picking candidates because they are female vs picking candidates because they are not female = same difference. Like any hedge trade, it cuts both ways. Not to mention there are other world leaders and high achievers who are female, scroll to the end.)
In an old episode of Fictitious-Yet-Not-Really West Wing, the very feminine and brilliant blonde-and-blue-eyed Republican character of Ainsley Hayes argues, “It’s humiliating. A new amendment we vote on declaring that I am equal under the law to a man. I am mortified to discover there is reason to believe I wasn’t before. I am a citizen of this country, I am not a special subset in need of your protection…” – Quote from a multi award-winning often idealistic show in the States about what happens when good men (and women) work in the White House from (already) more than a decade ago.
Now the rub – if you are female and choose to have a (biological) child. Because no matter how enlightened, how fearless, how bright and capable you think you are, you are still the one who has to carry the child. Your body will not be your own for about a year. Two, if you breastfeed for the standard recommended year. Like it or not, you are the one born with the womb. The true beauty of the world today for women in this respect however, is you have a choice. (Not… always a good thing, but still a privilege. Terrifying, but… a privilege.) Chances are, your priorities will change at least for a few years – even if, perhaps even more so if, you adopted (I have friends who once struggled with infertility).
After Rockstar was born, I came back from my standard 2.5 month maternity leave to a male senior RM conversationally mentioning that nursing would mean you need to seriously watch your work “aggro” levels, citing his own nursing wife as an example – he thought it made a difference to their child’s personality, whether the mum was all “zen” while pregnant/nursing 😛 (Since I was predominantly dealing for him/his team I particularly appreciate his sincerity because he could’ve instead said something like “you better not get mummy juice in your investments products recommendations for my team ok…!”) One of the other things thrown around was You See You See Battling Compliance Dept While Preggers Now The Baby Issa Monster (Come on, it was a dealing room. Trump is President. Sympathy laugh anyone? <ducks head back down>)
There’s hormones, pregnancy, not being able to take the gadzillion medications you would otherwise not think twice about taking, to zap that annoying cold that is putting you off your game at work. (Sure, after that you can stuff Baby Daddy with the stay-at-home-parent bit, but there is no getting away from the actual pregnancy and nursing.)
Unless you’re with this guy 😀 (pic from wikipedia.com)
(Seriously, Arnie, you just HAD to have EVERYTHING, didn’t you?) – pic from alamy.com
Certainly I have friends who love their work (and paycheck) so much they have chosen not to have kids ever. Also some who think surrogacy would be a marvellous idea someday. Also not a few who struggled with infertility. (Again: Choice is a privilege.)
But, Queen E, if you choose to have a mum experience for the most part and are not Arnold Schwarzenneger, then you cannot have it all. And that has nothing to do with social perception. You are simply of the gender born with the womb. If you choose to use it (and are so blessed as to be able to), you’re going to have to think about raising your rockstar. And I’m not sure when you actually manage to farm off that real responsibility, whatever form it takes in your family.
For more and a wider variety of female role models, check out Glamour US’ annual Woman Of The Year Awards. Among them are:
Nadia Murad, ISIS Survivor
First Woman to head the IMF Christine Lagarde (nominated by Queen Rania of Jordan, no less)
Simone Biles, overcoming childhood exposure to drugs and alcohol to win 10 world championships.
In Biles’ words: I’d rather regret the risk that didn’t work out than the chances I didn’t take at all.
What is your greatest risk? Mine is…. having kids. Taking a time out from my former work life, the only life I used to envision for myself when I was growing up, to raise kids and be present as a parent. It’s the most terrifying, rewarding, did I mention terrifying… choice.
Oh, and you do it knowing you could strive to do everything “right” and your kid could still grow up to be….
The next President of the United States
