Fever

Rockstar’s temperature is 39.6 degrees Celsius, according to the thermometer at the Triage section of the HK Sanatorium hospital. At home, he’d registered a 38.5. Unacceptable. What if, like a normal human being, I had relied on that reading and not paged his pediatrician on a Sunday afternoon? Obviously however, I am not a normal human being. I am a mummy.

Please take me home. I don’t need that much walking and feeding.

“I’m not calling because of his temperature,” I say. “I’m calling because he’s so different from his normal self. And he seems to be getting steadily worse.” Rockstar is usually so full of beans an hour giving him your full attention in the morning is downright exhausting. This morning I’ve managed to rearrange my jewelry drawer, find a new home for all my hairclips, watch several brainless E! Entertainment programs and down a power breakfast bar, a banana and several cups of Jasmine green tea all while keeping an eye on him groggily lying on my bed with his bum in the air. Had he not been lucid we would have paged sooner, instead of waiting out the morning.

Dr Leo Chan, our regular crusty pediatrician (who is pretty well-known and popular in HK, bar Rockstar) is off on vacation and his new-ish colleague Dr Theresa Wong says she’ll meet us at Sanatorium’s outpatient in 30 minutes. Thank God, since his fever turns out to be significantly higher in the exam room. All the while we’re standing in the waiting room, we can’t help taking inventory of every cough and phlegmy throat clearing around us. Regular microbes are fine, even good for building a hardy immune system, but I draw the line at flu bugs that can kill. If it’s not SARS, it’s Swine Flu or some other Flu waiting to be discovered. This has me in the constant state of Para in the city of Noia.

We stand as far apart from the other sickies as best we can, all the while carrying our own little germ factory because we’ve forgotten to bring his shoes. Rockstar turns out to have a markedly inflamed throat but no other symptoms beyond a refusal to eat or drink anything in the last 6 hours (he’s been half asleep for most of them).

The ruins of our social life.

Dr Wong says it’s fluids or an IV, so when we get home I break out the more varied of our old cocktail serving glasses from Way Back during our DINK (Dual-Income-No-Kids) days. We ask Rockstar if he thinks milk/ soup/ water/ congee can fit into different-shaped glasses. He says no. I blame the drugs.

We rack our brains. Kingston comes up with Mangosteen, our Malaysian Queen of Fruits (Durian being King – as homage to our roots we actively cultivated a real love for these Southeast Asian fruit despite their more exotic (read expensive) status in North Asia, but even without that it’s just good sense to give Rockstar as varied a diet as possible – 20 years ago, there were what, 6 discovered vitamins? Today that figure is more like 20-30. I bet they discover a few more next decade. How do you manufacture a nutrient you haven’t discovered, even in the best processed foods and vitamin supplements labs?)

All hail the Queen. Rockstar sits unmoving on the kitchen counter avidly watching his father peeling the little deep purple fruit, picking out the smaller, seedless segments which he devours (it’s a lot of work and if you get the purple juice on your clothes it stains like no other, hence its mildly forbidden status in our household.) It’s a good 30 minutes of precious eating before he starts bawling.

So then it’s my turn again – except now he just wants to go to sleep – on me. I lie uncomfortably on the sofa with him for a good 2 hours as he sleeps fitfully. At one point, I call our helper over for a second opinion because I think he’s hallucinating. From full-out hollering, he suddenly grabs the tissue I’m using to wipe his face and vigorously cleans his right foot. “It’s dirty, so dirty. Must clean, must clean! Soooo dirtyyyy!” he cries. We can’t see anything on his foot.

Kings and I text each other, discussing our next plan of assault – he on breaks at his basketball game, I from under a sleeping, drooling, sometimes screaming toddler – we are two souls with a singular purpose – Make. Rockstar. Better. (Btw we gave up force-feeding him a few months ago because he was so determined not to do anything he didn’t want to, he struggled ‘til he threw up. As in, Everything. We switched tactics then because forcing him defeated our ultimate purpose: to get him to eat. Hence Operation Make. Rockstar. Eat/Drink.)

I tell my husband Rockstar has been demanding to see Daddy, so when Kings walks in the door, he theatrically goes “Ah, Rockstar, I was hoping you would join me for dinner and a ladybug video after my basketball game.” Big boys after all get together over dinner and youtube clips of bugs regularly, after a good game. I fade into the background, quickly spooning congee, tomato soup, and his meds with a little chocolate milk, before theatrically serving “The Men.” Yes. I know how that looks. The Men usually help themselves. But today The Men have a very important dinner and bug videos.

Kings succeeds in spooning a satisfactory amount of congee into our son, and then we do milk and meds. Videos. Bath toys. Pyjamas. More Fluids. It’s a triple ballet. Rockstar is extremely determined to get his way (ie not eat) but ultimately he has two parents. We’re a team, Kings and I. Two fire dragons. Two type As. When one tires, the other takes over seamlessly in a continuous dance fueled by love, tempering the impatience inherent in our personalities so it doesn’t affect Rockstar (type A parents after all have to remember they are, well, parents) as we tend to our son and unflaggingly cajole him to eat/drink/get well.

Together, we are type As in most areas of our lives (I even wore full tournament pads and headgear around the house when training for the Penang State Taekwondo Championships simply because it got my game on. When black belt training got in the way of practice for my Grade 8 in piano, I chose the (then much) riskier on-the-spot composition subject in place of the (much preferred but requiring more practice) aural music papers. Kings is worse.) Then we thank God for never encountering anything we can’t handle. Even in a child just like us.

This is how we raise our rockstar.

Ps: Yes, I won the tournament in my weight category that year. And got the black belt. And the Grade 8. Scraped thru by the skin of my teeth, having put in barely half the recommended number of practice hours required to pass. But then there were also public exams and the state debate championships that year.

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The Snail and the Whale

It was the first time I ever heard him say it. “Rockstar is sm-ALL.” All those mummies and mum-in-laws and helpers and strangers loudly exclaiming ”He’s so small!” When I could only mumble a feeble “his dad is a little height challenged” (both his parents are 5ft 7inches and he hasn’t learnt the meaning of “height challenged”), when what I really want to say is “shut the f*** up, does it not occur to you he can hear you?” How come they know not to make the fat kid feel bad, but it never occurs to them the small kid has ears and <newsflash> feelings too?

With more conviction now, “Rockstar is SMALL!” It’s a badge of honor.

We were reading The Snail and the Whale. Mummies of the world, if you have a small kid, get this book.

The snail feels small against the vastness of the world she gets to see while hitching a ride on the tail of a humpback whale. Then one day she saves her friend when he’s beached in a bay – by leaving a trail  “Save the Whale,” that alerts villagers and the fire brigade. I love this book. It’s a smorgasbord of opportunity for Mummy manipulations.

“You can be small but clever. Small saved the day.”

“Knowing your ABC can help you save whales.”

“You can be small but nice.”

“Being nice (like the whale letting the snail hitch a ride on his tail) gets you friends.  Friends can save you when you’re beached in a bay.”

It was like a light bulb went on in his head. You could see it shining out through his little eyeballs. Nerd that I am, I got a little misty-eyed. (Honestly, I’m not in the least bit sappy. Unless it involves my son.)

I might be small but I stand tall

(and you in the background – I heard a rumor smoking might kill you)

Two Smalls weathering the storm, speaking out against smoking along the way

Embrace the Small, I say. Now, if I could just come up with one for the fat kids it would be gold. Except I might get sued like McDonald’s..

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Only Child Syndrome (Shame on the ‘rents)

As they say, pictures are worth a thousand words…

Train Set (to be fair, 5 months down the road, he still tinkers with this most mornings – this is a gift to us. To. Us. Not him. We need the few moments’ peace.)

Learning Laptop (In our defense we had a lotta fun with this one)

Wardrobe-coordinated personal assistant (Ditto)

Musical Chair (‘nuff said)

Tunnel (no excuse – who needs a crawling tunnel on their parent’s bed?)

“Bloody taxi drivers” (agreed)

Doughnut. Zzz

And yes, we’re working on fixing the problem.

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Return

Interested readers (all 3 of you) would be interested to know today was the day we ventured back into Wisekids Playroom. This, after my beloved first born threw a nutty about a week ago, resulting in my vow we would never be going back to WP again – Never, Not For The Foreseeable Future, For The Time Being.  After several days of tentative canvassing and a promise this morning not to make freaky, Rockstar walks the entire half a km there without a single request for a lift. Glamum has on her pads and helmet this morning as she braces herself for uppity stares and comments by the regulars who were there last time her Rockstar had a meltdown.  She’s even armed with a quick right jab (obviously your child is perfect).

Why, you ask, does she put herself thru this <cue melodramatic musiks>? It’s all for the sake of her son, her rockstar <misting up> who would be devoid of an additional means of stimulation if she doesn’t get over herself pronto <cue something that passes for heroic fanfare>.

Hello pretend sushi. I missed you so.

The staff are on the bright and chirpy side of normal as we arrive, “Will that be the day pass, or the monthly unlimited entry pass this morning please?”

We got the day pass because at HKD 800 a pop (a bit over USD 100) for the monthly, Rockstar would have to visit at least 8 times a month (HKD 100 per daily session) for us to be ahead of the game. And if he throws another nutty his needy-for-approval mum (don’t we all have our own parental problems?) may just inflict another bout of banishment while she tries to thicken the ol’ face skin to something closer to Just Plain Normal.

None of the other regulars are there, except the mum of the (now infamous) toy-stealer.  Rockstar and I pointedly ignore them. The staff carries the little toy-stealer over and we studiously continue to ignore her. Why, you may ask, am I such an emotionally invested drama mama in this 2-yr old’s squabble? Because my son is on the receiving end.  I don’t think it’s a small thing that my son gets every toy taken away from him even when he already shares everything. I don’t think it’s a small thing for me to cave and let someone take all his things away just because I want to be the mummy who smiles a lot and doesn’t get her hands dirty sorting it out (although I could stand to smile a bit more when I’m elbow deep in squabbling toddlers). And, I know I’m really asking for it here, that other child is not my child. I will take care of my child first, same as every other mum.  No one else is going to put my child first except me.

Don’t we all feel like growing horns and a spiked tail sometimes…

I don’t blame the other child, but I do blame the mum.  I’m not perfect, but I tell Rockstar if he’s mean to JD or other kids he will have no friends.  Marvin Gets Mad is my go-to story of choice, about a sheep who gets mad someone accidentally eats an apple he’s eyeing, then throws a fit, losing all his friends and falling down a hole in the process. We all need friends to share our apples with and yes, help us out of holes.

Sense of achievement, much?

Rockstar spends the better part of the entire session with his nose buried in building blocks. He must have rebuilt the tower above half a dozen workable times in various perms and combs. (The pic taken above is of his first try) before calling it a day.

As for the pressure-loaded music finale at the end of every Wisekids session, Rockstar gives it a miss altogether, confounding the staff yet again today as to why he regularly chooses to leave early when they usually border on the Pavlovian (the same goodbye song every single time and a firm explanation to each toddler that this means goodbye) with a shovel to get kids out the door. Mummy’s stumped too. But no one took his toys today.

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Potty

Rockstar likes his privacy. Doing no. 2 is serious business (sorry) and he will suffer no company. Checking on him earns me a bashful but urgent “Mah-mee go out siii-iide please!!”  The dog gets the same treatment so at least it’s fair. Well, the dog also constantly gets “JD, don’t lick the floor. It’s yucky. Ew. Disgusting.” He signs off such gems with “Bossy boots,” which is what we call him when he bosses the dog.  And Smarty Pants.  Both accolades meet with the approval of the Rockstar.

Eye on JD: While busy with Other Things, the Rockstar delegates the duty of making sure JD keeps her nose clean (no we didn’t make this up, he really did.)

But how do you convince a child to use the potty instead of a diaper when he has seriously evaluated the merits of both and decided he will stick with diapers, thank you very much, as long as you change them immediately after the deed? And rest assured he will always shoo you out of the room before and during, and then assume diaper changing position immediately after to facilitate the deal.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4FtuXVAM2A]

Inspired, but uninspirational to Rockstar.

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Lessons

Rockstar has a companion named Jo. Not an imaginary friend like the panda bear one of our friends’ sons has, an actual one – Jo is 16, tall, blonde and (I think) blue-eyed. They talk, man-to-man. It all started when, during the swine flu scare of last year  kids were staying at home, and we advertised on adpost online in Hong Kong for fluent English and Putonghua speakers to come spend time with Rockstar so he wouldn’t be stuck at home all day with just our helper to talk to. And we brought him out and about every chance we could.

Intrepid Explorers at HK Wetland Park (where they met Mudskippers and Crabs)

We filled the house with art supplies, various Early Learning Center toys, and even life-Rockstar-sized cardboard houses and a convenience store you could paint.

Cardboard house. It’s a huge honor to be invited in (Note star struck look on Daddy’s face).

Jo was the youngest. There were also a Chinese International School graduate on her way to Oxford to study History and Political Science, and a highly-credentialed English teacher who sent us weekly updates about Rockstar’s phenomenal progress. Until we realized Rockstar’s “progress report” included things he could already do before meeting ms Teacher of the Year. (I hated her on sight. Every time I asked her a question about what she would be teaching Rockstar, she asked me back a question along the lines of whether I had bought new kindermusik tools. Never mind that our house was already filled with musical instruments. And til today Rockstar doesn’t like kindermusik activities very much. But at the time we couldn’t see the woods for her cv.)

More trips out. This is to HK Park with the Cactus Farm, Bird Aviary and Scary Fountains.

Yet another trip out at a park in Wanaka, New Zealand. Connoisseur-of-playground-equipment should be an actual job.

Inexplicably, Jo is Rockstar’s favorite. Jo, the least qualified of the lot who often shows up just to hang out and speak in perfect English to Rockstar. Still, we put up with Teacher of the Year until we caught on she was always about 15 minutes late, but left on the dot. When we mentioned it, we received  a peevy text message about her professionalism. Then our helper remarked that of the 3 visitors, Jo was the only one who always insisted on clearing up their play area with Rockstar at the end of each session.

That’s how we ended up giving Jo Teacher of the Year’s slots too. Some lessons you don’t get from books. But Rockstar knew that all along.

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Jie-jie’s room

Rockstar and I discovered an old Disney Cars: The Movie sticker of Lightning McQueen behind the book shelf.

“Jie-jie (our helper)’s room also has one! Come, I show you!”

“Rockstar, that’s YOUR room!”

He grins.

When Rockstar was born decidedly a nocturnal party animal, I read and implemented various nuggets of wisdom from Gina Ford’s Contented Little Baby and Babycenter.com. We got it all down pat with the just-right-time-in-the-morning waking, the (almost) sleeping the whole night thru, the weaning from night feedings. I went one step further by playing different CD music for sleep time and wake/play time so if he heard music from his sleep cd he automatically relaxed a little by himself to get ready for his nap.

Then I undid everything when I quit my job and became a stay at home mum. Here’s why: after I quit my job, I realized I could sleep better even with Rockstar crawling all over the bed in his sleep. I also noticed his morning cuddle and nuzzle ritual – semi-awake, soft and warm, he would look for the nearest human being for a cuddle – and I wanted it to be me. Or my hub. But not our helper, who was sleeping in a foldable bed next to his, in his own room. And so I undid all the careful planning to get him in his own room, ignoring the words of wisdom along the way about the bads of co-sleeping.

Could you say no to this?

Or this?

Or even this?

“Jie-jie’s room”.   Sigh.

So now we have a beautiful big white elephant of a race car bed. I wanted it to be red, where red McQueen is always out in front on the posters and stickers on his wall. But it’s still a white elephant.

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Poker

At one of the Saint Alp’s Tea Houses in Pok Fu Lam, Rockstar reaches for my iced bubble milk tea. I jump. It’s made with jelly bubbles, strong black milk tea, and tonnes of sugar. One bite of the proverbial apple and he would probably be hooked. Not to mention he’s already a handful on normal days, without the added cocktail of sugar and caffeine.

Keeping a straight face, I force a breezy, “Mummy doesn’t think you’ll like it, but go ahead and try it for yourself.” He freezes, the heavy, full glass halfway to his lips. I clench my teeth slightly with the effort of not grabbing it from him immediately – as they say with forbidden fruit, he’ll only want it more. Slowly, with infinite care, he delicately places the glass back on the table without spilling a drop. “Are you sure you don’t want a tiny sip, Sweetie? It’s good to try new things and you never know, you might like it.” He averts his eyes.

“Mummy doesn’t think you’ll like it” is my trump. Each time he called my bluff he was tasting something like beer, unsweetened coffee, ginger ale – all stuff I was sure he would hate.  GlaMum’s back in the game. Too bad she only discovered “Mummy doesn’t think you’ll like it” after he discovered a love of French fries.

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Breakfast

Rockstar wants a breakfast bar. Of the kind I wish he would have every morning. It’s 6pm. He doesn’t want his dinner. I read the contentsprinted on the wrapper: Almonds, dried dates and apricots, honey, cereal, yoghurt. He gets his bar. He eats all of it. Then he eats his dinner. He eats all of it.

Yum.

 

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Banishment

We are never going back to the Cyberport Wisekids Playroom again.  I don’t think I can suffer the gaze-averting staff or whatever it is the other regulars think/ try not to think about tantrums.  We all work with the hand we’re dealt and Rockstar will have to live with his mother’s deep-seated need for approval (stemming from her own affection-linked-to-achievement-oriented childhood).  Well, she thinks, at least she’s not on drugs. She vows never to inflict that kind of childhood on her own son, but nonetheless, we are never going back to Cyberport Wisekids Playroom. Yes. For the moment, never. Not until his mum has recharged some of her GlaMum superpowers.  She’s working on it, even as she relives the incident over and over, to see if she could have managed her son’s meltdown better (did she mention she was mildly obsessive compulsive?) and yes, taking stock of which regulars were in the room with us, for when we bump into each other again in the neighborhood. There were:

3 Wisekids Playroom staff

1 regular mum (just 1, thank goodness – and she’s the mum of the toy stealer who ignited Rockstar’s previous ‘tude anyway)

2 regular helpers (1 with real attitude – she asked me what job I used to do before minding Rockstar fulltime, and which other children he goes to school with because evidently all the helpers at Bel-air have little gossip circles, so I’m pretty sure by now all the helpers know my son had a meltdown, and – stop it Aileen.  Stop it stop it stop it.  You are supposed to be GlaMum. A dark day this is, for GlaMum.)

2 regular mums-in-law from China, most damning – they’re the mums of the fathers, not mothers, of the children (who are both well-behaved, I must say) and I have had remarks about Rockstar still wearing diapers, Rockstar looking like a girl (he has delicate features), Rockstar being really small for his age, and am I really Rockstar’s mum? (No, I’m not kidding – this is not the first time someone from China has asked me if Rockstar is my biological child. It stems from more and more foreigners adopting Chinese babies from the orphanages and living in Hong Kong. Both my hub and I are Malaysian Chinese who went abroad for college and work, but according to my Chinese inquisitors I don’t look Chinese. (Ok, fair point, I am Peranakan Chinese and enjoy a good curry and roti with my fingers – and I still have my kebayas.) Usually the next question after I confirm Rockstar is mine, is “well, is the father Chinese? Because the baby looks Chinese.” Rockstar gets a seal of approval for his putonghua play sessions (more on that later) – neither his father nor I are Chinese-literate and we wanted Rockstar to be.)

Also a smattering of walk-in non-regulars with their toddlers.

Ok, so that’s all the people I need a plastic smile on my face for. Meltdown? What meltdown? Oh, Rockstar gets bored with the music sessions, he badly wants to do something else. So no, I don’t suppose we’ll be going to Playroom again for awhile.

Rockstar got mad because, coming into the music session after this little girl kept taking all his music instruments, prompting us to leave the previous session mid-song, he now had extremely thin skin. I would have thought toddlers wouldn’t have that kind of memory (it was 2 days since that happened and it was just for like, 2 minutes! His pediatrician, Dr Leo Chan, once deadpanned “Good, his memory is developing. He remembers he hates my nurses.) But Rockstar takes things so seriously. Disrespect him, and he has the memory of a little elephant. The ‘tude comes from him thinking someone else was doin’ some disrespectin’ – except it was another mummy  enthusiastically playing pass the ball to the music who took the ball from him a little too roughly.

So first, Rockstar refused to participate in the songs and dancing, lying flat on the floor, with downcast expression. Then he got up and walked out mid-song. One of the regular Chinese mums-in-law flinched in surprise.  In all the times we’ve been there, I’ve never seen another child walk off before the music is over. All the way out he goes, his back steel-rod straight, politely but curtly waving goodbye to the staff (who are again avoiding my eye), then finding his way out the exit and putting on his shoes without a single look back.

When he finally cools down, he looks at me with a winning smile. “Cuddle?”

<cuddle> “Yes, I still love you, but really, please don’t ever ask mummy to bring you back to Playroom again. Not after what you just did. We won’t be going back there.”

<pause> “Go swimming?”

<sigh> “Yeah.”

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