A Rockstar Guinea’s Work Is Never Done (Or, Carrots Under Fire)

The sequel to It’s Not Easy Being A Rockstar Guinea…

The welcoming committee is both delighted and delightful.

(At least this time she read the memo about colour-coordinating outfits. I think. Footwear’s still a little off.)

Now, it is arguably every rockstar’s dream to inspire through our art. I take this very seriously. (You would too, if you were a cute school pet with a funky hairdo.)

By now, my travel log is getting really, really full – some entries are even written in fancy-wancy italics with one of those fancy-wancy pens. And it’s not even like EVERYONE whom I visit is obligated to fill this log in…

As you can imagine, a Rockstar Guinea’s work is never done.

Which is why – trust me – even while munching on my Welcome Snack I am thinking about work. 

Me thinking about work while chewing on hay.

Me thinking about work in the bath. (Tepid warm water and very diluted baby soap.)

Me thinking about work while socialising.

(I fell asleep. This is how tough my life is. All those people who fall asleep at work – I UNDERSTAND! It is so exhausting, thinking about work all the time. And now you know what all those people falling asleep in the mini buses are thinking: Like me, they are thinking about WORK. Someone should email their bosses about raises. Everyone who is thinking about work until they fall asleep should get a raise. Ergo, everyone who is falling asleep must be thinking about work and should get a raise. See, technically my work here is dones. <dusts off paws>)

My Rockstar Entourage Staff are now working on capturing that illusive picture of me nodding off on these red steps. We think this would be a great public service message. Anyone wanting to sponsor billboards – call my staff. (If they don’t pick up after 3 rings and say the Secret Code, sounds something like “Safari Kid International”, call my other staff and tell them to call my staff.)

Every time my RES (that’s Rockstar Entourage Staff – write that down) clomp about with their big fat crocs however, my eyes fly back open just long enough to ruin the pic. I haven’t told them the real reason I do this, but I’m about to share it with you. Ready?

<whispers> Obviously, no one read the memo about my right side being better looking, Yes fans, believe it or not, there are STILL people who make rookie mistakes like try to take unflattering pics of me from my wrong side. I hope that by not rewarding this behaviour (with good poses for pics), they’ll learn to better themselves. As we all should.

A quick blow dry…. (People. COME ON!! WHICH side again???)

And then it’s time for this Rockstar Guinea to go to work!

Today, I’m meeting a new rockstar.

(Don’t worry, fans – although housecalls are not without risks, the mummies involved made sure I wasn’t handled too much – I had many “calm” breaks. There are simply no pictures of my “calm” breaks because how would you like an iPhone in your face possibly taking pictures of your unflattering side – when you are supposed to be on “calm” break? Exactly.)

Calm. See? I’m calm. WHO MOVED MY CHEWING BLOCK calm.

At least this one is more reasonable . 

Can you imagine in the first attempt at a Jenga/ Uno Stacko maze they built a WALL of plastic blocks? Did they even check with my agents about insurance and my personal philosophy re Stunt Doubles?!

(Note: This is one way us Rockstar Guineas can inspire creativity. These kids are building mazes and structures in Who Moved My Chewing Block Broccoli Carrots. (I’m now too big a rockstar for broccoli. So write this down, peeps: I GET OUT OF BED FOR CARROTS.)

Well, d-uh. They left the carrots too nearby. Broccoli Who?

This one was buzzed out by the mummies. NO WAY I can get to this without the pile falling on me. Have you SEEN my hairdo?

Every rockstar should however plan their career moves.

So I’m also auditioning for Star Wars / Lego Movie sequels.

Gotcha, Carrot.

I call my latest audition demo Carrots Under Fire. Love Meg Ryan with that weird army voice. Sigh.

Well that’s all we have time for, this has been…..

The Rockstar Guinea.

ps: Remember, people: Keep It Real. And… Carrots Under Fire! <fist pump. If I could make fists.>

**”Rockstar Guinea” on weekdays is the Safari Kid school pet who is part of their curriculum, encouraging children to develop nurturing skills, and finding new ways to learn…