I came across 2012 Winner Best Australian Blogs Eden Riley’s post about volunteering at her son Rocco’s school recently, and it got me thinking. I read Heather Armstrong’s Dooce too, she of the sometime-dubbed Queen of Mummy Bloggers in the States (I know, it’s a big place, she’s in Utah but I get the idea she’s not just Utah – a friend from DC got me into her and said friend went to Yale and used to live in HK and well you get the idea how the internet makes it a small, small world) and I think I remember her describing volunteering at at least one of her daughters’ schools as well.
This is Eden, from her home page
And this is Heather, from the post about attending Every Mother Counts
Recently, a reader then drew my attention to another Malaysian mum who had been blogging in English about her child’s schooling event right here in Hong Kong – can you imagine? complete with pictures of lots of other school-uniformed kids and my reason for not linking is because I don’t want to tell on her (though she’s in a local school, and I think they’re not so fussed about it in general). That’s not the first mummy blog in English in HK that readers have shown me has lots of pics of kids in classrooms or school activities all over the blog, there was even one where the mum/blogger was a teacher in one of her kids’ schools and yes all of that was up too, some years ago…
I keep mum (sorry) and quietly wonder, because even though I was careful enough, I remember the initial tremendous discomfort, the briefings I received some years ago “just to be sure” I didn’t do something wrong in future, “though really you haven’t done anything wrong yet.” They were just saying. And I really appreciated being taught how to avoid trouble, rather than – you know, people just going about quietly warning each other that you blog. (I’m just saying, not a complaint.) So when eagle-eyed readers show me other mummy bloggers posting lotsa stuff they could get in trouble for, especially remembering the warnings I received to be careful about internet crazies and mischief makers, I thank them for the view, and erm, don’t say too much.
This the thing. In Malaysia and Singapore there are all these Youtubes of kids’ class performances and (mostly) everyone is fine with pictures of their kids up on blogs… Lots and lots of things end up on blogs… I’ve met very local Hongkie bloggers who think nothing of asking Rockstar’s real name as they take pics of him with their kids (which is probably why I figure local schools probably wouldn’t be so fussed)… But I don’t think that would be the case for Edenland or Dooce or really many English language bloggers here whose kids are in international school.
Well…. let’s just say signing confidentialities and non-disclosures when you volunteer in school are a welcomed thing. Because you just want to blog about your amazing experiences as a parent. School is going to be a big part of your child’s life. It involves a very personal choice, one of the most important you will make for your child during their early life. The gadzillion things you have to support as Parent of School-Attending Child are going to take up a big part of your life (:D). (If you are like me, you will also suddenly go OMG What Was I Doing, Disappearing Full Throttle Back To Work ASAP And- and- what exactly is it they’re supposed to know at this age again?) And so you will think volunteering in school is a good thing. You are not looking for a story to sensationalize your blog. And so I believe signing on the dotted line protects you. (In the same way Compliance Rules in the dealing room protect you as well as the bank.)
But really in cynical, outspoken Hong Kong, if you’re not looking for dirt and you’re blogging anyway, the next thing you might think is Thank You For Not Simply Assuming I Am Fruitcake Looking For Dirt. Even as you also acknowledge there might’ve been a little Darn, We Didn’t Know Before We Admitted You! 😀 …..but I’m still an idealist at heart. That’s been seriously beaten up and left for dead often enough in my own personal life, but……….. lemme tell you a seemingly unrelated story I like to dub my own A Matter Of Honor (thank you Sir Jeffrey!) In italics, so you can just skip the story:
Almost 7 years ago I was attending preliminary job interviews when I found out I was pregnant with Rockstar. At 6 weeks you don’t like to tell a lot of people because well….. you know. But I didn’t want to start a job and then tell people I was newly pregnant (translation: in 6 months I’m going to be taking 2.5 months off! Whoot! Then when I get back my braincells are gonna be totally fried from late night feedings and – and – ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU HAVE NO DESIGNATED PRIVATE ROOM TO EXPRESS BREASTMILK THROUGHOUT THE DAY?? What kind of equal-opportunity employer are you??)
I decided after first interview was the best time to tell. Now Hear This, Emily Post, If Thou Ever Writeth One About When To Tell Interviewers You Are Pregnant. (Yeah I know you do not need to disclose. But know what? Actually you do. Telling at first interview I thought was “too soon” since they may not want me anyway. Too late in the interview sessions however, and I felt it wasn’t “sincere” – because by the time some HR person is talking numbers, if you tell them you’re pregnant I don’t think they can change their mind over something else that has nothing to do with your pregnancy, without looking pretty ugly.
So….. I wanted to give people a proper way to get out of hiring me. Sure I wanted a job, but I wanted a happy work environment even more, and I couldn’t imagine working for someone who might think I had duped them into hiring me pregnant. AND I’d be all pregnant and hormonal while working for them.
Back then almost a decade ago I went to interview somewhere within RCM and for one of the buy side roles at Standard Chartered. Both ended on the kind of good note that until today gives me a feel-good buzz. RCM’s was a vanilla equities role and SCB’s was a derivatives role so ’nuff said why I pursued SCB because I have much less vanilla experience anyway, except I would like to say well, more. I also told RCM interviewers that I “wasn’t worth that much to (them)” because it was a vanilla role and I didn’t have nearly as much relevant vanilla experience.
Then I dropped the bomb to both, about just finding out I was pregnant. One potential new boss went, “Ohh, I remember when I first found out – the doc said ‘you’re not just pregnant, you’re *very* pregnant!'” We find this hilarious because pregnancy is a binomial state – you either are or you’re not (pregnant). Yet we immediately understand “very” pregnant to mean surprisingly far along before you find out… Funny thing about the English language, isn’t it?
Anyway, it was the SCB role I wanted very badly because I had relevant experience for. But I wanted they should take me knowing I might waddle on to a full-term pregnancy and breast-milk expressing madness. All my then-potential boss said was “Oh” when I told her. You can imagine my surprise when HR would say, “When is your due date? We need to see about fast tracking the interview process because if you get an offer it will be dangerously close to our policy cutoff date for maternity benefits. If you make it through we would like you to receive full maternity benefits.” (They did. I did.)
<SWOON> I would KILL for these people. Metaphorically, of course.
End of seemingly unrelated story. (Welcome back 😀 It remains one of my happiest pregnancy memories, of people who were pretty much strangers.)
Here’s my point: Trust and good faith.
Are you snorting derisively now? Feel free. Because everyone hates bankers these days but some of the most “honorable” encounters I have ever had have been with – yes, Evil Bankers. I had the privilege of knowing there are people in senior positions right in The Heart Of Evil who are honorable. I would’ve killed for those bosses (again, metaphorically). To me, that motivation to do my absolute best is priceless. You cannot do better than your best without that mindset. I longed for that mindset, simply because I long to be good at what I do. I need that motivation <shrugs>
And then….. I became mummy blog. I should be writing about my kids painting rainbows (or conducting science experiments) and learning to share and not tell lies or cheat on homework etc etc etc. But do adults do it? At some point what do you tell kids about that? You could write a whole book about that alone.
But, I digress – trust and good faith to the mummy bloggers. Too much to ask? Sure. Us parents are just cray. I am Parent. Me. Cray. (I have a friend who would say “I can make jokes about dead fathers because I have one.” :D) A thing… about hedging, comes to mind. I remember some traders calling their hedging the “double-edged sword” – it cuts not just loss but profit. But that’s what controls do. You are supposed to go after profit with all the controls in place, otherwise it be not “legitimate” profit. You are supposed to blog, to inspire, to draw readership – with all the controls in place.
I jumped to sign the confidentiality clauses and non-disclosures required for me to volunteer at Rockstar’s school. Love that they have it. Because I would like to enjoy my hobby, thank you very much. Dooce and Edenland would’ve learned long ago how to avoid trouble, and because it involves their kids they would’ve doubly learned. It’s not the halfway serious mummy bloggers people need to worry so much about – it’s everyone with a Facebook account who likes to shoot stuff out, who hasn’t been sat down and briefed about how to avoid trouble in this day and age while engaging in social media – queuing at Park n Shop with fussy little kid they type a thought on FB/ Twitter and it goes viral. Then everyone else starts commenting on the issue with their own FB accounts that have all their personal information and kids’ real names and pics.
How many cray parents out there do you think have at least a semi-serious mummy blog? How many have a Facebook account?
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ps: I know someone’s going to wonder, so for the record nothing happened to do with Rockstar’s school. There was some possibly unrelated anal-retentive in one of the Miss’ classes one day recently when we had had some family obligations that ended in Rockstar being couple hours late for his own school. Now, he HATES being late so much he would rather not go in, and so I ended up having him with me when it was time to bring the Miss to this class.
I inquired several times about Rockstar’s presence outside the classroom off in a corner waiting for us, and apologized as well, but in the end we were still asked to leave when the Miss and I were in class. Well, rules are rules. I do bear some of the blame, I willingly admit. I just wish they’d done it at the door, not asked us to leave the class in front of everyone. Like, I didn’t say anything publicly about their mistakes or a certain registration issue that various readers had been asking me to comment about for like, ages now. Trust and good faith, or maybe no one noticed. I didn’t say anything. And I really wish I hadn’t brought Rockstar and caused that.
Rules are rules, right? And Brutus is an honorable man, so said M. Antony.
